He asked me to wed him, all those years ago. Several times.

That was the worst of it, that fife could have been so different for me—for us. I curled up physically, as if around a wound, and I remained so for some time, when at last a quiet thought came to me.

If I had wed him, Lanen would never have come to be.

And that was it, finally. I had known for years, in my heart of hearts, that I could never truly reclaim the love Jamie and I had shared so long ago. Seeing him again had been so much agony— but I could not wish Lanen unmade. She was the best part of me, however that might have come about, and somehow that was enough to soothe my heart. I sighed one last time, for love long since lost, turned over, and fell deep into blessedly dreamless sleep.

My little sleep before supper had left me far more wakeful than I should have been. Varien lay beside me, but he couldn't sleep either. I heard Rella and Jamie talking quietly. Will and the Healers had their own smaller fire, leaving the five of us to take what comfort we could from the larger one. Maran was restless as well, but even she eventually lay still.

I found that the other two silent members of the party were also apparendy awake. There was nothing so obvious as a kick, the movements were far more subde. Hardly more than a flutter, but I felt it and gasped. Varien asked me if I was well and for answer I put his hand on my rounding belly. After a moment or two he sighed. "Alas, it is too soon for one so far removed to feel anything, even with Gedri hands," he said, a little sadly. "And yet, there are other ways." I felt his soft touch in my mind, and then— it was a most curious sensation. As if he were searching for other minds within me—which, I suspect, he was. After a moment he gave up and grinned at me. "Perhaps it is a touch too soon for that as well," he admitted.

"They're not even big enough to kick, you idiot dragon," I murmured. "Though whether I should expect to be kicked by four legs or eight, I haven't yet decided," I added ruefully.

"Lanen!"

I lay back, trying to find some comfortable place on the hard ground. "Well, don't you worry about that?" I drew my blanket about my shoulders and mourned, briefly, for the real bed we'd slept in the night before. I could have used the comfort of it. I was in a most peculiar mood, I remember—able to speak lightly of things that were desperately important to me. It was very odd.

"Dear one, does that fear haunt you, truly?" asked Varien, concerned at the genuine note of worry in my voice. Damn.

"Of course it bloody well haunts me," I said, exasperated. "Varien, even women married to normal men worry about their unborn babes. Will they be healthy? Will they grow strong in my womb, or do they wither within me? Will they have just the one head, and the two arms and two legs?" I snorted, torn between amusement and more than a drop of genuine horror. "Of course, in our case, Goddess only knows what grows in there. Hells, Varien, are they going to be born with wings?" Despite myself I shuddered. "Poor little scraps. Half Kantri, half Gedri. Alone in all the world."

Varien sat up and took my face gently between his hands. "La-nen, kadreshi, think. When Vilkas changed you, remember? He said then that they are perfectly human creatures. Human, and healthy." He smiled. 'Two arms, two legs, one head each, and not a wing in sight."

"But that was so long ago!" I moaned. Foolish, I know, but what would you? Pregnancy does awful things to a woman's feelings. Mine seemed to be changing with every breath.

Varien grinned and stroked my hair. "Kadreshi, it was but a se'ennight since. It may feel as though an age of the world hath come and gone, but my word upon it, no more than seven days have passed."

"A se'ennight! Are you certain?"

"Certain sure, as Jamie would say. My word upon it."

"Nonsense," I snorted. "I don't believe it. You're lying. It's been a full moon since then, at least."

"As you say, then," he responded placidly. 'Tour word is law, my wife." I giggled. "But you must not be surprised, dearling, if the moon hath foolishly lost track of time and thinks that only a quarter of her cycle has come and gone."

"You're humouring me. Stop it," I said, pleased at the banter.

"As you will," he said, bowing while seated, which is quite a trick. I batted at him, but he caught my hand and kissed it, and was suddenly more serious. "Lanen, I do most deeply apologise that I could not—humour you this morning." He sighed. "We are creatures of habit, we of the Kantri. I have reacted in a certain way for a very long time, and I can forget that old responses are not of necessity the correct ones." He sighed. "I heard your fears, my dear one, but I reacted as though I had never changed, as though I were yet Akor, and Akor alone." He forced himself to look into my eyes. "I very much fear that you were right—are right—and that by taking you within a thousand leagues of Berys I am putting at risk not only your life but the lives of our childer."

Ah, damn it. In my weary heart I had been hoping that we could just let this one go, but no. We had already sworn to speak only truth to each other, however spiky and unwelcome it might be.

"Yes, you are putting us all at risk. I told you that in Verfaren, and I wish to goodness we'd had more time to think about it. But Varien—I don't seem to recall you having to drag me kicking and howling away from Verfaren, or forcing me at knife point to go with Shikrar."

He looked confused. Poor dear. He was still a bit slow when it came to understanding heavy sarcasm.

"Love, it's true, you gave me very little choice," I said. "But that is not the same as 'no choice.' I could have decided to let you chase this damned Black Dragon with the rest of the Kantri and stayed safe and warm in a real bed in Verfaren. I didn't. I, of my own free will, chose to come with you. So both of us must bear the consequences."

He relaxed a bit at that.

"That doesn't mean that I'm not annoyed at you for putting your people before your family, by the way," I added, turning onto my side with my face to the fire and wrapping myself in my blanket. "I can understand it, and I'm here because in this one particular instance I agree with you, but it's not a habit of mine I'd care to encourage."

"As you say, kadreshi," he replied. He lay down alongside me and put his arm around me. Even on the cold hard ground, even in that lonely place, his presence was comfort and safety to me.

I lay wakeful only a little time, until the weight of Varien's arm assured me he slept, and I matched the rhythm of his even breathing until I too fell into sleep's kind embrace.

I heard my elder brother sing up the moon. I lay, as he, beside a fire, watching over a child of the Gedri, and I joined my heart's voice to his. I would have sung aloud, but I had already learned that the Gedri require far more sleep than do we of the Aiala. There was a little breeze, a fight spring wind, with the promise of warmth even in the night. The sap was rising all about us, pounding up the trunks of trees, whispering in the growing grass. Great changes coming, great changes all around us with every spring, but surely never before so many as in this spring that was changing the world.

There was much to ponder in the quiet of the night, beneath the shelter of a few trees. I still was teaching my heart that no others among the Kantri or the Gedri could sense the future rising before them. That Lord Shikrar had been so astounded at so simple a vision. That he could be facing that future and not have at least the shape of it to guide him surprised me.

Clearsight is not a gift of our Awakening. Even while we yet lived our half-lives before, I and others knew of this ability. We do not all have it—or perhaps it is more true to say that we have it to greater and lesser extents. I am not among the most gifted of us; Erliandr sees furthest and deepest, and there are many others whose Sight is clearer than mine. Still, like most I can see best when my own future forms a part of the vision. I knew I would not remain here in the west much longer, but I had yet one task to accomplish ere I might leave with the rest of my Kindred who were not partnered to Healers.