I went looking for this artist but I never found him. I had the wrong address. I had an address for him but I waited and waited and he never came home. I decided to see some of the countryside. America ’s Dairyland. I drive so rarely. On the way home I got into an accident. Feel this knot on my head? On the way home I stopped in Joliet to see the house where my mother was born. On the way home I went to Pittsburgh to see my grandmother. You wouldn’t like her. I didn’t want you to feel obligated. I didn’t particularly want to go myself, but family is family. On the way home I got into an accident and decided to check into a hotel. I got carjacked. I got kidnapped and my parents paid my ransom. I checked into one of those monasteries where they won’t let you communicate with the outside world. Because I just needed some time to myself. On the way home I worried that we were getting too close. I’m leaving you. I left you but then I changed my mind and came back. Will you marry me? On the way home I drove into a ditch. I was mugged. I got lost. I went blind. I went to a bluegrass festival and shacked up with this woman I met but it was a huge mistake and I want you to forgive me. On the way home I was mugged and hit my head and got amnesia. I don’t remember anything that happened before yesterday. I found your address in my wallet. I couldn’t remember my name. I couldn’t remember your name. I still can’t. Let’s go out and get new ones. My treat.

JONATHAN DEE is the author of four previous novels: Palladio, St. Famous, The Liberty Campaign, and The Lover of History. He writes frequently for The New York Times Magazine and Harper’s and is a former senior editor of The Paris Review. He lives in New York with his wife and daughter.