“It is a laugh a minute, Baridi old friend. Something is always happening. Like this.”

I waved my hand in the air, distraction, then raised my other hand with a bouquet of black flowers apparently plucked from thin air. And held them out to thin air. On the screen the reporter bent over and sniffed them, smiled with pleasure.

“I tell you viewers-real flowers, just like that, smell great too. You are a master of your profession, Marvell, I can see that. Do you like being a magician?”

“Like it, Baridi old buddy-I just love it. I love to travel and love to entertain crowds.” The door opened and Angelina came in. I waved her over with an expansive gesture. “And even more I love my assistant, Angelina, who never minds being sawn in half every evening and a matinee on Saturday.”

“Hi, Angelina,” our invisible interviewer said. “Say `Hi!’ to the millions of viewers out there who are hooked on magicand hooked on you as well, of course. Now, without giving away any magic secrets, just how do you get sawn in half?”

Angelina smiled deliciously, and was beginning to explain absolutely nothing in words of one syllable or less to the millions of morons who were watching daytime television, when our friendly reporter broke in. The computergenerated reporter had been nodding his head as if he had understood every word. When she had spoken for exactly thirty seconds-which was probably the attention span of his viewers-he interrupted and thanked her. Turned back to me.

“Tell our viewers, Mighty Marvel, what was the most exciting moment in your exciting career?”

“That’s an easy one. It was during a performance I was giving on a distant planet named Wirtschaftlich, much given to farming and like pursuits, that there was an accident in the road outside the theater. One of the vehicles involved was a farm vehicle transporting a ravening porcuswine in must. It escaped from the battered transport and attacked the theater doorman, obviously enraged by his red uniform. The doorman fled into the theater with the great beast right behind him. I knew instantly what I had to do. I ran towards the creature, crying aloud and flapping my cloak, which has a red lining. The beast then charged me! The ending is obvious. I lifted my magic wand and, before the horrified gaze of the audience-did my vanishing porcuswine act. Would you believe the creature was gone in an instant?”

“No, I wouldn’t believe it.”

“I would wring your computer-generated neck if I could get my hand on it!” I shouted as my hands clutched at empty space. It looked better on the screen as I happily throttled him.

“Temper, darling, temper,” Angelina said soothingly, gently pulling me away from my tormenter.

“Well, if you put it that way, ha-ha, of course I believe you. Now, Mighty Marvell-and Angelina-don’t go away quite yet because I know that you have plenty more exciting anecdotes to tell about the marvels of magic to our millions of viewers. But I have been told that a big news story is breaking. Over to Patikana Peke who is, yes, now at the very scene of the crime.” The screen flared, died, brightened again with another computerized reporter standing in front of a bank.

“Just behind me,” the image said, “is the BankrottGeistesabwesed Bank. Peaceful and prosperous. Even if its name is unpronounceable, until a short while ago and just about to open for the day when this happened.” The screen widened to take in the front of the bank, now torn open. Computergenerated oohs and ahhs oohed and ahhed, along with the sound of breaking glass. “Hard as it to believe that this bank robbery occurred right in the middle of the day, right here in lovely downtown Fetorrscoria. One moment peace and prosperity reigned. The next moment…” An immense explosion echoed out, followed by more breaking glass. “This was happening. The bank was not broken into-it was broken out of? The thieves apparently gained access to the money vault sometime last night and entered the vault. Not only did they break into the vault-but they took their armored motorcycles inside with them. Well! I’ll bet you can just imagine the look on the bank manager’s face when he spun the wheel and opened the vault door! Vroom! Right out of the vault they came-and right over him. If you look closely you will see him lying inside the bank and being treated for wheel marks. Over him and across the lobby and right through the plate-glass window of the bank. To instantly be lost in traffic. A city-wide police hunt is on for the thieves. Keep watching and we will bring you this incredible story as it breaks. I have a bulletin, stand by, yes. They have made good their crime. They have escaped in broad daylight, taking their loot with them. The police made contact and pursued them but, unhappily, they have now managed to make their escape into the industrial zone by leaping a high wall on a prepared ramp.”

There were more quick scenes of crowds at barricades, police holding them back, confusion and alarms. Then a grayhaired uniformed officer emerged from the bank and walked towards the reporter who managed to keep on talking without flagging in the slightest.

“And there is more news-evidence has been found at the scene of the crime. Evidence that may lead the police to the thieves, to track them down and apprehend them. Tell us what you have there, captain!”

“Evidence. Found in the vault. A telltale clue we are sure.”

“What is it?”

“A clue.”

“Yes, you said that.” Did I detect a note of electronic exasperation? “Would you please tell our millions of viewers just what kind of a clue you are holding in your hands?”

They were big hands, and the camera was jiggling around irritatingly trying to see the clue in question. “A metal clue,” the policeman said. Then finally held up the object in question. “As you can see I am holding what appears to be a cutout figure made of thin metal of some kind, of a sort of rodent, a mouse maybe.”

The camera panned in until the object filled the screen.

“The captain is right, yes he is, that is a metal rodent if I ever saw one. Too big to be a mouse, it must be a rat. Yes, screen viewers, you can see it now very clearly.”

And, yes we could see it very clearly.

“Stop me if I am wrong viewers. But I do believe, yes it is-that must be an image of-a stainless steel rat!”

I was very glad at that moment that I was not on camera. I am sure that my expression was one of gaping stupidity; that of an eyeball-popping, hang jawed moron. What was happening? I took a quick look at Angelina and saw that she was as stupefied as I was. She recovered faster; touched her hair with the back of her hand, her expression now one of abstract interest.

This was Not a Good Thing, that was for certain. Someone in the bank-busting business was having a good laugh at my expense. A stainless steel rat indeed! A clue for the policeor a warning for me? By the time the current crime report had ended I had restored my composure and managed to carry off the rest of the interview in a fairly relaxed manner. I even managed a few quick card tricks without flubbing them.

“There you are viewers-a magic end to our interview with this magic couple. Playing nightly at the Colosseo right here in lovely downtown Fetorrscoria, the home of theater, sport and just good finery!”

The light on the robot’s head paled and died. A metal plate with a piece of paper secured to it emerged from the creature’s midriff it handed me a stylo.

“Standard release form, sign her, initial here and here. And now the lady, thank you.”

The paper was whisked away as a small panel clicked open in the thing’s metallic hip. It reached in and took out a thin bundle of banknotes, split the bundle neatly in half and handed one sheaf to me, the other to Angelina.