I sort of breathed a sigh of relief. Sort of. Somehow I always imagined Landen being uneradicated as just a simple sort of meeting each other after a long absence. I hadn't ever thought that Landen wouldn't know he had been eradicated. When he was gone no one had known he had ever existed, and now he was back no one knew he had gone. Not even him.

'Ever heard of an eradication?' I asked.

He shook his head.

I took a deep breath.

'Well, two and a half years ago a chronupt member of SO-12 had you killed at the age of two in an accident. It was a blackmail attempt by a Goliath Corporation member called Brik Schitt-Hawse.'

'I remember him.'

'Right. And he wanted me to get his half-brother out of The Raven where Bowden and I had trapped him.'

'I remember that, too.'

'O-kay. So all of a sudden you didn't exist. Everything we had done together hadn't happened. I tried to get you back by going with my father to your accident in 1947, was thwarted and chose to live inside fiction while little Friday was born and return when I was ready. Which is now. End of story.'

We stared at each other for another long moment that might also have been an hour but was probably only twenty seconds, I moved Friday to the other hip again and then finally he said:

'The trouble is, Thursday, that things are different now. You vanished from my life. Gone. I've had to carry on.'

'What do you mean?' I asked, suddenly feeling very uneasy.

'Well, the thing is,' he went on slowly, 'I didn't think you were coming back. So I married Daisy Mutlar.'

'You did what?'

'Well, you did vanish without a trace — what was I meant to do?' I couldn't believe it. The little scumbag had sought solace in the arms of a miserable cow who wasn't good enough to carry his bag, let alone be his wife. I stared at him, speechless. I think my mouth might even have dropped open at that point, and I was just wondering whether I should burst into tears, kill him with my bare hands, slam the door, scream, swear or all of the above at the same time when I noticed that Landen was doing that thing he does when he's trying not to laugh.

'You one-legged piece of crap,' I said at last, smiling with the relief, 'you did no such thing!'

'Had you going, though, didn't I?' He grinned.

Now I was angry.

'What did you want to go and make that stupid joke for? You know I'm armed and unstable!'

'It's no more stupid than your dopey yarn about me being eradicated!'

'It's not a dopey yarn.'

'It is. If I had been eradicated, then there wouldn't be any little boy . . .'

His voice trailed off and suddenly all our remonstrations dissipated as Friday became the centre of attention. Landen looked at Friday and Friday looked at Landen. I looked at both of them in turn, then, taking his fingers out of his mouth, Friday said:

'Bum.'

'What did he say?'

'I'm not sure. Sounds like a word he picked up from St Zvlkx.'

Landen pressed Friday's nose.

'Beep,' said Landen.

'Bubbies,' said Friday.

'Eradicated, eh?'

'Yes.'

'That must be the most preposterous story I have ever heard in my life.'

'I have no argument with that.'

He paused.

'Which I guess makes it too weird not to be true.'

We moved towards each other at the same time and I bumped into his chin with my head. There was a crack as his teeth snapped together and he yelped in pain — I think he had bitten his tongue. It was as Hamlet said. Nothing is ever slick and simple in the real world. He hated it for that reason — and I loved it.

'What's so funny?' he demanded.

'Nothing,' I replied, 'it's just something Hamlet said.'

'Hamlet? Here?'

'No — at Mum's. He was having an affair with Emma Hamilton, whose boyfriend Admiral Nelson attempted to commit suicide.'

'By what means?'

'The French navy.'

'No . . . no,' said Landen, shaking his head. 'Let's just stick with one ludicrously preposterous story at a time. Listen, I'm an author and I can't think up the sort of cr— I mean nonsense you get yourself into.'

Friday managed to squeeze off one shoe despite the best efforts of my double knots and was now tugging at his sock.

'Handsome fellow, isn't he?' said Landen after a pause.

'He takes after his father.'

'Nah — his mother. Is his finger stuck permanently up his nose?'

'Most of the time. It's called "The Search". An amusing little pastime that has kept small children entertained since the dawn of time. Enough, Friday.'

He took his finger out with an almost audible 'pop' and handed Landen his polar bear.

'Ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip.'

'What did he say?'

'I don't know,' I replied, 'it's something called Lorem Ipsum — a sort of quasi-Latin that typesetters use to make up blocks of realistic-looking type.'

Landen raised an eyebrow.

'You're not joking, are you?'

'They use it a lot in the Well of Lost Plots.'

'The what?'

'It's a place where all fiction is—'

'Enough!' said Landen, clapping his hands together. 'We can't have you telling ridiculous stories here on the front step. Come on in and tell me them inside.'

I shook my head and stared at him.

'What?'

'My mother said Daisy Mutlar was back in town.'

'She has a job here, apparently.'

Really?' I asked suspiciously. 'How do you know?'

'She works for my publisher.'

'And you haven't been seeing her''

'Definitely not!'

'Cross your heart, hope to die?'

He held up his hand.

'Scout's honour.'

'Okay,' I said slowly, 'I believe you.'

I tapped my lips.

'I don't come inside until I get one right here.'

He smiled and took me in his arms. We kissed very tenderly and I shivered.

'Consequat est laborum,' said Friday, joining in with the hug.

We walked into the house and I put Friday on the floor. His sharp eyes scanned the house for anything he could pull on top of himself.

'Thursday?'

'Yes?'

'Let's just say for reasons of convenience that I was eradicated.'

'Yuh?'

'Then everything that happened since the last time we parted outside the SpecOps building didn't really happen?'

I hugged him tightly.

'It did happen, Land. It shouldn't have, but it did.'

'Then the pain I felt was real?'

'Yes. I felt it too.'

'Then I missed you getting bulgy — got any pictures, by the way?'

'I don't think so. But play your cards right and I may show you the stretch marks.'

'I can hardly wait.'

He kissed me again and stared at Friday while an inane grin spread across his face.

'Thursday?'

'What?'

'I have a son!'

I decided to correct him.