Agathon: What time is it now?

Allen: Today!?

Agathon: They need the jail cell.

Allen: Then let it be! Let them take my life. Let it be recorded that I died rather than abandon the principles of truth and free inquiry. Weep not, Agathon.

Agathon: I'm not weeping. This is an allergy.

Allen: For to the man of the mind, death is not an end but a beginning.

Simmias: How so?

Allen: Well, now give me a minute.

Simmias: Take your time.

Allen: It is true, Simmias, that man does not exist before he is born, is it not?

Simmias: Very true.

Allen: Nor does he exist after his death.

Simmias: Yes. I agree.

Allen: Hmmm.

Simmias: So?

Allen: Now, wait a minute. I'm a little confused. You know they only feed me lamb and it's never well-cooked.

Simmias: Most men regard death as the final end. Consequently they fear it.

Allen: Death is a state of non-being. That which is not, does not exist. Therefore death does not exist. Only truth exists. Truth and beauty. Each is interchangeable, but are aspects of themselves. Er, what specifically did they say they had in mind for me?

Agathon: Hemlock.

Allen: (Puzzled) Hemlock?

Agathon: You remember that black liquid that ate through your marble table?

Allen: Really?

Agathon: Just one cupful. Though they do have a back-up chalice should you spill anything.

Allen: I wonder if it's painful?

Agathon: They asked if you would try not to make a scene. It disturbs the other prisoners.

Allen: Hmmm…

Agathon: I told everyone you would die bravely rather than renounce your principles.

Allen: Right, right… er, did the concept of "exile" ever come up?

Agathon: They stopped exiling last year. Too much red tape.

Allen: Right… yeah… (Troubled and distracted but trying to remain self-possessed) I er… so er… so-what else is new?

Agathon: Oh, I ran into Isosceles. He has a great idea for a new triangle.

Allen: Right… right… (Suddenly dropping all pretense of courage) Look, I'm going to level with you-I don't want to go! I'm too young!

Agathon: But this is your chance to die for truth!

Allen: Don't misunderstand me. I'm all for truth. On the other hand I have a lunch date in Sparta next week and I'd hate to miss it. It's my turn to buy. You know those Spartans, they fight so easily.

Simmias: Is our wisest philosopher a coward?

Allen: I'm not a coward, and I'm not a hero. I'm somewhere in the middle.

Simmias: A cringing vermin.

Allen: That's approximately the spot.

Agathon: But it was you who proved that death doesn't exist.

Allen: Hey, listen-I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations, A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away.

Agathon: But you have proved many times that the soul is immortal.

Allen: And it is! On paper. See, that's the thing about philosophy-it's not all that functional once you get out of class.

Simmias: And the eternal "forms"? You said each thing always did exist and always will exist.

Allen: I was talking mostly about heavy objects. A statue or something. With people it's a lot different.

Agathon: But all that talk about death being the same as sleep.

Allen: Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, "Everybody up, it's morning," it's very hard to find your slippers.

(The executioner arrives with a cup of hemlock. He bears a close facial resemblance to the Irish comedian Spike Milligan.)

Executioner: Ah-here we are. Who gets the poison?

Agathon: (Pointing to me) He does.

Allen: Gee, it's a big cup. Should it be smoking like that?

Executioner: Yes. And drink it all because a lot of tunes the poison's at the bottom.

Allen: (Usually here my behavior is totally different from Socrates' and I am told I scream in my sleep.) No-I won't! I don't want to die! Help! No! Please!

(He hands me the bubbling brew amidst my disgusting pleading and all seems lost. Then because of some innate survival instinct the dream always takes an upturn and a messenger arrives.)

Messenger: Hold everything! The senate has re-voted! The charges are dropped. Your value has been reassessed and it is decided you should be honored instead.

Allen: At last! At last! They came to their senses! I'm a free man! Free! And to be honored yet! Quick, Agathon and Simmias, get my bags. I must be going. Praxiteles will want to get an early start on my bust. But before I leave, I give a little parable.

Simmias: Gee, that really was a sharp reversal. I wonder if they know what they're doing?

Allen: A group of men live in a dark cave. They are unaware that outside the sun shines. The only light they know is the flickering flame of a few small candles which they use to move around.

Agathon: Where'd they get the candles?

Allen: Well, let's just say they have them.

Agathon: They live in a cave and have candles? It doesn't ring true.

Allen: Can't you just buy it for now?

Agathon: O.K., O.K., but get to the point.

Allen: And then one day, one of the cave dwellers wanders out of the cave and sees the outside world.