'Fuck off,' said Baz.

'Get us a Kronie,' I said.

'Kronie,' said Rossie to the barman.

'And scratchings.'

'And scratchings.'

'What's up?' said Rossie.

'Eh?' I got me Kronie and sipped it. Cleared out the shite in me mouth.

'You look like someone pissed in your porridge.'

'I'm alright,' I said.

But I weren't. That cunt Innes put us right on edge. Couldn't get to sleep last night, so I kept pilling it. Feeling bone-cracked tired now, like. And I had to go over that cunt's place and play messenger?

As the Cockneys say: 'Faaack youse.'

Got Paulo giving us the evils as soon as I got through the door. Like I were summat he just scraped off his shoe. No way does a fuckin' cock-jockey get away with that, like. But nah, not right then. I were there on business, so I had to be ice. Suffer the fucker when I wanted to break his face.

Waited on Innes and took a look round his office while I was there. Nowt, man. If the lad was a private detective, he should have a bottle in the drawer or summat, but there were nowt. There was me, I were in the need to half-inch summat, just to keep me hand in, and there were nowt. So I got fuckin' edgy. Innes had put on weight since the last time I saw him. Fat fucker. Prison's supposed to harden a lad up, innit? Strip him lean and build him out of rock. But then, what the fuck did I know, eh? I'd never seen the inside of a cell. Been too fuckin' smart.

I supped me Kronie. Cadged a snout off of Baz. He had a mate what robbed them out the Kwiksave warehouse, so he were always flush. Lit it up and, through the smoke, I saw this boat I knew.

'That Dougie Harris?' I said.

Rossie picked at his teeth, followed me stare. 'Aye,' he said.

I hadn't seen him in a coon's age. Last time were when we was kids, like. He used to hang out with us in the tram station down Piccadilly. That were when I were on the cider and the blues. Dougie were always out his fuckin' skull on pills, like. Last I heard, he were on the smack. And it looked like it an' all. He had a bowling ball for a head, nowt in the way of hair and legs that'd break in a strong wind. The kind they said had a hard paper round, know what I mean? And top that off, it looked like Dougie'd seen the wrong end of someone's fuckin' boots. Burst mouth and two shiners. He were drink- ing a pint like it nipped his skull.

'I'm gonna chew the fat,' I said.

'C'mon, Mo. The lad's a fuckin' ghost.'

'Get off it, Baz. He were a mate.'

'Was, like.'

I went over to Dougie's table and slapped him hard on the back. His eyes swivelled in their sockets. When he looked at me, the colour went from his face — from white to fuckin' see- through. 'Y'alright, Doug? Rossie, get Doug another pint.'

'Tell him to get his fuckin' own,' said Rossie.

'You what?'

'Nowt.' And Rossie went back to the bar.

'How you doing, Dougie?' I said. Baz came up and took the other seat, looked from me to Dougie, then back again. He didn't know what the fuck were going on. And neither did Doug, from the looks of him. 'You look like pan-fried shite, son.'

Doug flickered with a dirty yellow smile. 'Bad night last night.'

'Tell us about it. What you doing these days?' Baz shook his head. I looked at him.

'Nowt much,' said Dougie. 'This and that.’

‘Same here,' I said. 'This and that. More of that. You working legit?'

'Nah.'

'You working?'

'Nah.'

'You need work?'

'I'm alright, Mo,' he said.

'I'm asking 'cause I might have some work for you, you need it.'

'I'm alright.' Dougie started gulping at his pint. Tried to neck the whole fuckin' thing rather than talk to me. Now what the fuck were up with that? A lad can't have a friendly how-you-doing without some cunt getting edgy? I sipped me Kronie, slipped a hand in me pocket and watched Dougie out the corner of me eye. 'You need owt, Doug?'

He shook his head. 'Nah, I'm off it.'

'Off it? You fuckin' must be, son. Baz, you remember that time Dougie took a dump in the canal?'

'Aye.'

'By Castlefield, wunnit? You just ripped your keks down and curled one right in the canal. Man, I fuckin' ended meself.'

Rossie came over with two pints. He sat one in front of Doug. I said, 'You brew it yourself?'

'Eh?'

'Where you been?'

Rossie frowned. 'At the bar.'

'Your face looks painful,' I said to Doug. 'You want a couple pills?'

Doug glanced at his fresh pint, looked like he was gonna throw. 'Nah, Mo. I'm fine. I'm clean now.'

Clean, my arse. I didn't need to see the tracks to know he'd been trainspotting, know what I mean?

'Aye, well,' I said. 'You can have a half.' I broke a pill and slid it up close to his new pint. He drained the old Kronie and chewed his bottom lip. He shook his head.

'You don't have to pay us nowt, Dougie-son. I know you're strapped. You always was. It's a freebie.'

'I told you, Mo.' He were smiling like it were a joke.

My left eye hurt. I had all snot in me nose, so I sniffed it back and swallowed. Cleared the rest out my throat with a gulp of beer. Picked up the half-pill and held it up to Doug. Then I dropped it in his pint. Bubbles fizzed all around it, like. Dougie Harris just looked at us, big old black eyes dead to the world, not a light in 'em.

Nah, it weren't a joke.

'Tell you what, I fancy a Courvosier. You want a brandy, Baz? Rossie?'

'I could drink a brandy,' said Baz. 'You want one, Doug?'

He looked like he were about to shit his pants. I got to my feet, slapped him on the shoulder. 'Course you do,' I said. 'Who turns down a brandy?' Lit a ciggie on the way to the bar, all fuckin' swagger and shit. Doug Harris turning down a pill. Pull the other one; that one's got fuckin' bells on it. That cunt what used to knock 'em back like Smarties and now the lad had a clean-living bullshit halo over his head?

Nah, man.

Leopards. Spots.

I leaned against the bar, waiting on the brandies. Watched the back of Doug's head, looked at Baz. If anyone were gonna help the cunt out, it'd be Baz 'cause Baz were a soft cunt even though he were a big cunt. And if he helped Doug out, I'd have it out with him.

Doug were talking to Baz. I couldn't hear him. The way Baz were talking back, they both must've reckoned I were having them on. I wanted to go back over there and stove the pair of them fuckin' nobheads in.

As the brandies arrived, I saw Doug knocking back his pint. Got back to the table, and he weren't finished with it. Felt my gut knot up so I dropped a couple of full kilt moggies into Doug's brandy and necked one myself. Sat and watched until Doug swallowed the rest of his pint, one eye on the brandy in front of him. 'That's it, Dougie-son. You sup up.'

'Mo, I'm off it'

I know, son.'

'Nah, I mean it, Mo. Joke's a joke, innit?'

'Sup up, Dougie.'

'Mo — '

'You a simple cunt, Dougie? Fuckin' tapped or what? Sup up.'

After another couple brandies spiked with half me stash, uppers and downers, Doug were having it large in his own back yard. Rossie and Baz and me, we watched him turn all the colours of the rainbow, watched him blink slow like his brain were fizzing out hardcore. Dougie Harris had turned into a proper lightweight. He looked like one of them rats they test the vaccines on, itching like a fucker. I watched him squirm and drank some more.

'We going out tonight?' said Baz. He weren't looking at Doug. Like he couldn't stomach it.

'Aye,' I said. 'We got to go see Columbo.'

'Fuck's sake,' said Rossie. 'Columbo's a creepy cunt.'

'You ain't gonna be in there, Rossie. I need you to do us a sly one.'

'What?'

I'd been thinking about it while I watched Doug wind

down. Dad wanted Innes to do this job for him, find Stokes, I still weren't comfortable with that. Innes were a fuckin' pisshead and whether he was a proper private eye or not, he had nowt in the way of bollocks. Certainly not enough to carry out a job like this. So fuck him and fuck Dad. I needed to sort this out on me own. Til tell you in the car, Johnny Nob-Rot.'