"Paulie!" Deckie called again. He ran until he stopped right in front of Paulie,looking down at him, his face a mask of commiseration and kind regard. Pauliewanted to hit him, to knock the smile off his face, but of course if he tried tothrow a punch Deckie would no doubt prove that he had taken five-years of boxingor tae kwan do or something and humiliate Paulie yet again.

"Celie and I were worried about you," Deckie said. And then, in a whisper, headded, "We wondered if you stripped off the old lady's clothes so you could lookat her naked, too."

The enormity of the accusation turned Paulie's seething anger into hot rage. Andin that moment he felt the death stir within him, the light of it pour out intohis body, filling him with dangerous light, right to the fingertips. He felt theterrible fury of the helpless slave girl, raped again and again, herdetermination to die rather than endure it anymore. He knew that all he had todo was reach out and touch Deckie and the slavegirl's death would flow into him,so that in his last moments he would feel what a violated child felt like. Itwas the perfect death for him, true justice. There were a dozen adults gatheredaround, watching. They would all agree that Paulie hadn't done anything.

Deckie smiled nastily and whispered, "Bet you play with yourself for a yearremembering me and Celie." Then he thrust out his hand and loudly said, "You'rea good cousin and I'm glad Nana's last moments were with you, Paulie. Let'sshake on it!"

What Deckie meant to do was to force Paulie to shake his hand, to humiliatehimself and accept Deckie's dominance forever. What he couldn't know was that hewas almost begging Paulie to kill him with a single touch. Death seeped out ofPaulie, reaching for Deckie. If I just reach out ....

"Shake his hand, for heaven's sake, Paulie," said Mother.

No, thought Paulie. Deckie is slime but if they killed every asshole in theworld who'd be left to answer the phones? And with that thought he turned hisback and got into the car.

"Paulie," said Mother. "I can't believe..."

"Let's go," said Father from the driver's seat.

Mother, realizing that Father was right and there shouldn't be a scene, slidinto the front seat and closed the door. As they drove away she said, "Paulie,the trauma you've been through doesn't mean you can't be courteous to your owncousin. Maybe if you accepted other people's overtures of friendship youwouldn't be alone so much."

She went on like that for a while but Paulie didn't care. He was trying to thinkof why it was he didn't kill Deckie when he had the chance. Was he afraid to doit? Or was he afraid of something much worse, afraid that Deckie was right andPaulie had enjoyed watching, afraid that he might be just as evil in his ownheart as Deckie was? Deckie should be dead, not Nana. Deckie should have beenthe one whose body shook so much he couldn't stand up or touch anybody. How longwould Celie have sat still if Deckie had pawed at her with quivering hands theway that Nana reached out to me? God afflicts all the wrong people.

When they got home they treated Paulie with an exaggerated concern that wastinged with disdain. He could feel their contempt for his weakness in everythingthey said and did. They were ashamed that he was their son and not Deckie. Ifthey only knew.

But maybe it wouldn't make any difference if they knew. Tanned athletic boysmust sow their wild oats. They live by different rules, and if you have such aone as your own child, you forgive him everything, while if you have a childlike Paulie, basic and ordinary and forgettable, you have to work all your lifejust to forgive him for that one thing, for being only himself and not somethingwonderful.

Mother and Mubbie didn't make him go to the funeral -- he didn't even have toplead with them. And in later years, as the family reunion became an annualevent, they didn't argue with him very hard before giving in and letting himstay home. Paulie at first suspected and then became quite sure that they weremuch happier leaving him at home because without him there, they could pretendthat they were proud of him. They weren't forced to compare him quite soimmediately with the ever taller, ever handsomer, ever more accomplished Deckie.

When they came home, Paulie would leave the room whenever they started going onabout Sissie's and Howie's boy. He saw them cast knowing looks at each other,and Mother even said to him once, "Paulie, you shouldn't compare yourself toDeckie that way, there's no need for you to feel bad about his accomplishments.You'll have accomplishments of your own someday." It never occurred to her thatby saying this, she swept away all the small triumphs of his life so far.

There were times in the years to come when Paulie doubted the reality of hismemory of that family reunion. The light hiding within him stayed dark for weeksand months on end. The memory of the swimming pool faded; so did the memory ofNana's feebly grasping hands. So, even, did the memory of the death of theCherokee and the runaway slave. But then one day he would move something in hisdrawer and see the envelope in which he kept the tattered fragment of athreadbare dress and the scrap of an ancient moccasin, and it would flood backto him, right clown to the smell of the cave, the taste of the water, the feelof the bones under his hand.

At other times he would remember because someone would provoke him, would dosomething so awful that it filled him with fury and suddenly he felt the deathrising in him. But he calmed himself at once, every time, calmed himself andwalked away. I didn't kill Deckie that day. Why should I kill this asshole now?Then he would go off and forget, surprisingly soon, that he had the power tokill. Forget until the next time he saw the envelope, or the next time he wasswept by rage.

He never saw Deckie again. Or Celie. Or any of his aunts and uncles or cousins.As far as he was concerned he had no family beyond Mother and Mubbie. It was notthat he hated his relatives-- except for Deckie he didn't think they wereparticularly evil. He learned soon enough that his family was, in a way, prettyordinary. There was money, which complicated things, but Paulie knew that peoplewithout money still found reasons to hate their relatives and carry feuds withthem from generation to generation. The money just meant you drove better carsthrough all the misery. No, Paulie's kinfolk weren't so awful, really. He justdidn't need to see them. He'd already learned everything they had to teach him.One family reunion was enough for him.