"Certainly, Lazarus!"
"But that doesn't mean you can bother me when I'm awake, Dora, other than for real emergencies. No surprise drills- this is not shipboard routine; we're dirtside and I'm busy. Uh...Minerva, how's your time-sharing capacity? Do you play chess?"
I put in, "Minerva has ample share-time capacity."
But before I could add that she was Secundus Champion, Unlimited Open Handicap (with a handicap of Q, Q's B, & K's R) Minerva said: "Perhaps Dora will teach me to play chess."
(Well, Minerva had certainly learned Lazarus' rule for telling the truth selectively. I made note that I must have a serious private talk with her.)
"I'd be glad to, Miss Minerva!"
Lazarus relaxed. "Fine. You gals get acquainted. So long till tomorrow, Dorable. Now beat it."
Minerva notified us that the yacht was no longer patched in, and Lazarus relaxed. Minerva dropped back to her record-keeping role, and kept quiet. Lazarus said apologetically, "Don't be put off by her childish manners, Ira; you won't find a sharper pilot, or a neater ship's housekeeper, between here and Galactic Center. But I had reasons for not letting her grow up in other ways, reasons that won't apply when you take over as her master. She's a good girl, she really is. It's just that she's like a cat that jumps into your lap the instant you sit down."
"I found her charming."
"She's a spoiled brat. But it's not her fault; I am practically all the company she's ever had. I get bored by a computer that just grinds out numbers, docile as a slide rule. No company on a long trip. You wanted to speak to Ishtar. About my househunting, I think. Tell her I won't let it interfere with routine-I just want a day off, that's all."
"I'll tell her." 'I turned to the Administrator for Rejuvenation and shifted to Galacta-asking her how long it would take to sterilize a suite in the Palace and install decontamination equipment for watchstanders and visitors.
Before she could answer, Lazarus said, "Wups! Hold it one fiddlin' moment. I saw you palm that card, Ira."
"I beg your pardon, sir?"
"You tried to slide one in. 'Decontam' is the same word in English as in Galacta. Not that it was news to me; my sense of smell isn't that dead. When a pretty girl leans over me, I expect to smell perfume. But when I can't even smell girl and do smell germicides-well, ipse dixit and Q.E.D. Minerva!"
"Yes, Lazarus?"
"Can you spare me some shared time to give me a refresher while I'm asleep tonight in the nine hundred basic words of Galacta or whatever number it takes? You equipped for it?"
"Certainly, Lazarus."
"Thanks, dear. One night should do it, but I'll appreciate vocabulary drill each night until we both think I'm up to adequate proficiency. Can do?"
"Can do, Lazarus. And will do."
"Thanks, dear, over and out. Now, Ira, you see that door? If it doesn't open to my voice, I'm going to attempt to break it down. If I can't, I am going to check on whether or not that suicide switch is really hooked up-by trying it. Because, if that door won't open, I am a prisoner, and any promises I made on your assurances that I am a free agent are not binding. But if it does open to my voice, I'll bet you whatever you like that there is a decontam chamber beyond it, staffed and ready to function. Say a million crowns to keep it interesting? No, you didn't flinch; let's make it ten million crowns."
I trust that I did not flinch. I have never had that much money of my own, and a Chairman Pro Tern gets out of the habit of thinking about his own money; there is no need to. I had not asked Minerva about my personal balance for some time. Years, perhaps.
"Lazarus, I won't bet. Yes, there is a decontam setup outside; we tried to protect you from possible infection without bringing it to your attention. I see that we have failed. I haven't checked on the door-"
"Lying again, Son. You're not good at it."
"-but if it isn't keyed to your voice now, it is my oversight; you've kept me busy. Minerva, if the door to this suite is not keyed to the Senior's voice, correct it immediately."
"It is keyed to his voice, Ira."
I relaxed when I heard how she phrased it-perhaps a computer that had learned when not to be bluntly truthful was going to be still more of a helpmeet.
Lazarus grinned diabolically. "So? Then I'm about to test out the super-override program you were a bit hasty in giving her. Minerva!"
"Awaiting your orders, Senior."
"Key the door to my suite so that it opens only to my voice. I'm going out and sashay around-while Ira and these kids stay locked inside. If I am not back in half an hour, you can unlock them."
"Conflict, Ira!"
"Carry out his orders, Minerva." I tried to keep my voice low and even.
Lazarus smiled and stayed in his chair. "No need to show openers, Ira; there is nothing outside I want to see. Minerva, you can put the door back to normal-let it open to any voice, including mine. Sorry about that conflict, dear; I hope it didn't burn out anything."
"No harm done, Lazarus. When I was given that super-override instruction, I increased the overload tolerances on my problem-resolving network."
"You're a smart girl. I'll try to avoid conflict in the future. Ira, you had better remove, that super-override; it's not fair to Minerva. She feels like a woman with two husbands."
"Minerva can handle it." I assured him, more calmly than I felt.
"You mean that I had better handle it. I shall, Did you tell Ishtar that I'm going househunting?"
"I didn't get that far. I was discussing with her the practicability of your living at the Palace."
"Now, Ira- Palaces don't appeal to me, and being a house guest is still worse. A nuisance both to host and guest. Tomorrow I'll find a residential hilton that doesn't cater to tourists or conventions. Then I'll run out to the skyport and see Dora, and pat her rump and get her calmed down. The next day or so I'll find a little house way out in the suburbs, one automated enough to be no problem-but with its own garden. Got to have a garden. I'll have to bribe somebody to move; the house I want won't be standing empty. Do you happen to know how much I still have in Harriman Trust? If anything."
"I don't know but that's no problem. Minerva, set up a drawing account for the Senior. Unlimited."
"Acknowledged, Ira. Completed."
"Completion noted. Lazarus, you would not be a nuisance. Nor will you find it palatial as long as you avoid the public rooms. As I always do. Nor will you be anyone's guest. It's called the 'Executive Palace,' but its official name is 'The Chairman's House.' You will be in residence in your own home. I will be the guest, if anyone."
"Hogwash, Ira."
"True, Lazarus."
"Quit juggling words. I would still be a stranger in a household not truly my own. A guest. I don't buy it."
"Lazarus, you said-last night"-I remembered just in time the missing day-"that you can always do business with anyone who is acting in his own interest and says so."
"I think I said 'usually' rather than 'always'-meaning that we could then look for a way that would serve both of our, self-interests."
"Then hear me out. You've got me tied down with this Scheherazade bet. As well as a research to find something new to interest you. Now you've dangled bait under my nose that makes me want to migrate as soon as-well, as soon as possible; it won't take long for the Trustees to turn me down concerning a migration of the Families. Grandfather, it's nuisance enough to chase over here every day; I don't hanker to trek way out into the boondocks, the commuting would waste what little time you have left me for work. Besides that, it's dangerous."
"Living alone? Ira, I've lived alone many times."
"Dangerous for me. Assassins. I'm safe at the Palace; the rat who can find his way through that maze hasn't been born. I'm reasonably safe here inside the Clinic, and I can get back and forth in safety, subject only to whims of automatic machinery. But if I make a daily pattern of going to an unfortified house somewhere out in the suburbs, then it is only a matter of time until some crackpot sees it as an opportunity to save the world by picking me off. Oh, he would not live through it; my guards aren't that inefficient. But if I persist in setting myself up as a target, he might get me before they get him. No, Grandfather, I do not choose to be assassinated."