But of this I am certain: When Long meets Long for the first time any day, they kiss-and it's no Latin peck.

I learned that I could have anything I wanted for breakfast. This should have been enough to tell me that we were being set up for the tale. I'm getting ahead of my story, as I know things about the Long Family that I read in a book that you may not have read. This ship Dora came from a planet many parsecs from the Earth-analog of that universe, from a time over two thousand years in my future looked at one way... or a time totally irrelevant to mine through not having duration axis in common.

Yet I could have anything: Post Toasties, hens' eggs any style, bacon, ham, sausage, breakfast steak, toast, orange marmalade, Concord grape jelly, buckwheat cakes-and not one of these foods is from Tertius, home of the Long Family.

Pepsodent in our 'fresher- As I was contemplating a beautiful golden waffle with one bite of it melting

in my mouth, Lazarus Long walked in....nd a voice in my head played back: 'The Commodore always eats breakfast in the flag cabin."

Add that Lazarus was dressed as were Zeb and I save that he did not yet have a napkin.

Working hypothesis: Lazarus had listened in on every word between husband and wife.

Second hypothesis: "Dora, tell me when they get up, tell me when they arrive in the breakfast room-if they do, but offer trays as usual. If they eat in the breakfast room, let me know how each is dressed."

The first hypothesis defines a grave social offense; the second outlines information a host or hostess is entitled to know. How do I find out which is which? Answer: I can't, as Lazarus Long will give me the answer that profits him and that computer is loyal to him, not to me.

As soon as Lazarus finished kissing Lib Long, he was grabbed by Deety and kissed....hen he caught Hilda's eye, glanced at me and sloooowly bent to kiss her, giving her and me, severally, time to make that tiny gesture that says

No-and did kiss her because I depend on Hilda's instincts and will never tell her No in such circumstances, or greater or lesser. Hilda put her hand back of his neck and thereby controlled the kiss and made it long-and I tore up the first hypothesis and marked the second one "Q.E.D." Hilda's instincts about people are infallible; I think she is a touch telepathic.

As may be, we would now help him if possible.

To Zeb and me he simply said, "Good morning"-his instincts are reputed to be infallible, too.

I agreed that it was a "good morning" while noting to myself that it was a symbol without a referent save for social connotation (morning? In an irrelevancy?) but added sincerely, "Lazarus, this is the best waffle I ever tasted."

"Then please tell Dora."

"Dora, did you hear what I said to the Commodore?"

"I surely did, Professor Jake! Six more?"

I felt my waistline-firm and many centimeters trimmed off. "Six more is what I want-"

"Right away!"

"But half of one is all I dare eat. Deety, the next time we go to Oz, will you ask Glinda whether or not there is a magic for gluttons-me, I mean-to permit them to eat as much as they want while three fourths of it disappears?"

"I'm sure she could do it; I'm equally sure that she would not. She's an ethical witch; you would not be able to convince her that your purpose was worthy."

"You are depressingly logical, my dear."

Lib said, "Professor, you have actually been to the Land of Oz? Really and truly?"

"Really and truly. Dora, is Gay on the line?"

"On deck, Jake"-Gay's voice.

"Has anyone been in to see our portside annex?"

"How could they? Captain Hilda has not authorized it."

"But- Hilda?"

"No, dear. Sorry to be blunt, Commodore and Doctor Lib, but I won't authorize an open door because there are too many things that must not be touched. But I will be delighted to escort guests into Gay Deceiver almost anytime including right now; I've finished eating."

"I accept!"

"Then come along, Elizabeth. Anyone else?"

Lazarus said, "Dora, shove my breakfast to the back of the stove; I'll eat it later."

"A jelly omelet? I'll eat it myself."

"Do that, Dorable. Captain, I'm ready."

Laz-Lor showed up together, did not want to be left out. We ended up quite a crowd: eight humans, two computers.

Hilda stopped us at Gay's starboard door. "Friends, again I must be blunt. As you cross the sill of that door, you are leaving Star Yacht Dora and entering an independent command, the Gay Deceiver, even though Dora totally sur

rounds Gay. Inside that door, I command, responsible to no one, unlimited in authority. Captain Lor, do you understand and agree with the legal theory?"

Captain Lorelei glanced at her sister, looked unhappy. "Captain Hilda, I do agree. Therefore I can't come aboard. I can't abandon my command."

My wife looked terribly distressed. "Oh, I'm sorry!"

Lazarus Long interrupted. "Captain Hilda, I'm sorry another way. I don't agree with your legal theory. I have had more than two thousand years more experience with law than my sister has... all sorts of law in all sorts of cultures. I'm not speaking of justice; I'll leave that to philosophers. But I know what legal theories work with humans, and what ones have been attempted, then abandoned because they could not be made to work. This situation is not new; it has occurred thousands, millions, of times: a larger vessel with a smaller vessel nested in it. The solution is always the same, whether it concerns starships, fishing boats, aircraft carriers, whatever. The smaller vessel is a separate command outside the larger vessel, but when it is inside the carrier vessel, it is legally part of it."

My darling did not answer. She was picking out me, Zeb, and Deety by eye as Lazarus talked. As he finished she said briskly, "GayDeceiverOpenStarboardDoor. Man the car, prepare for space."

I'm proud of our family. Zeb zipped past me to the farthest seat-which left me room to dive for mine as Deety was picking up Hilda bodily, shoving her inside, crowding in after her, turning and pulling her feet clear of the doorframe-yelping, "GayCloseDoors!"

I was belting in but looking to the right, where the action was. Lazarus Long grabbed the door while calling out, "Hey, wait a moment!"

He realized his mistake in time to keep his fingers. I had argued with Zeb when I discovered, during refitting, that he had removed the interlocks that prevent that sort of accident. He answered my protest: "Jake, when I tell those doors to close, I want them to close. If, in closing, one chops off a man's head, you can assume that I think he looks better that way."

Lazarus saved his hand but was knocked off his feet by the door-and I saw a bit of why he had lived so long. Instead of trying to check his fall, he gathered himself into a ball and took it on one buttock.

"Report!"

"Copilot belted checking seal!"

"Chief Pilot belted all systems go. Door seal being rechecked."

"Navigator belted, ready."

"Starboard door seal okay!"

"GayBounce!"

We were in free fall. No stars-total darkness.

"Astrogator. Advise."

"I don't know, Captain. We'll have to ask Gay whether or not she can backtrack. Any backtrack. Beulahland, or any spot in her perms. I'm lost."

Suddenly the stars came out. "Dora, calling Gay Deceiver. Come in, Gay."

"Don't answer. Zebbie, advise again. What happened?"

"I'm guessing. They cancelled encapsulation rather than risk losing us.

They must be awfully anxious." Zeb added, "The only thing we have that you can't buy at the corner drugstore is Jake's space-time twister. How they knew of it and why they want it I do not know."

"Dora, calling Gay. Gay, please talk to me. Aren't you still my friend? I know our bosses had a silly fuss-but we didn't. Aren't you ever going to speak to me again? I love you, Gay. Please don't be mean to me."