"Gay Deceiver did most of it. The car you rode in both ways. But we almost didn't pick you up. Things went wrong, badly. I knew that it was going to- Deety, can you tell her?"

"Mama Maureen, Zebadiah has forerunners of dangers. They are not long range; they are always just barely in time. I don't know what happened this morning but-"

"This morning?" Maureen looked extremely puzzled.

"Oh." My wife went on, "It was 'this morning' to us. You arrived here at eighteen-forty and a few seconds, ship's time. During that instant we spent fifteen hours on another planet, we made two trips to your native planet, two more trips to your new home planet, and you spent seventeen months on Tertius and we brought you back here-and it all happened today. Not just today but at that exact instant: eighteen-forty and thirteen point three seconds. Laz and Lor didn't know that we were gone; even the ship's computer didn't know we were gone."

"I did so!" Dora objected. "Gay was di~connected for nineteen microseconds. You think I don't notice a gap like that? I asked what happened and she told me that it was a power fluctuation. She fibbed to me! I'm sore at her."

Deety looked thunderstruck. "Dorable, Dorable! It wasn't Gay's fault. I asked her to keep our secrets. I made her promise."

"Mean!"

"I didn't mean to be mean to you, Dorable-and we did let you in on it as quickly a~ we could. We couldn't have staged the tableaux if you hadn't helped. Be angry with me if you must... but don't be angry with Gay. Please kiss and make up."

I don't know how computers hesitate, but I think I caught the briefest split second. "Gay?"

"Yes, Dora?"-the Smart Girl's voice through Dora's speakers.

"I don't want to be mad. Let's forget it, huh? Let's kiss and make up. I will if you will."

"Yes, yes! Oh, Dorable, I do love you."

"You're both good girls," said Deety. "But you are both professional women, too, and work for different bosses. Dora, you are loyal to your family; Gay is loyal to her family. It has to be that way. Dora, if your sister, Captain Lor, asked you to keep a secret, you wouldn't tell Gay, would you? Because she might tell me... and I would tell Zebadiah....nd then the whole world would know."

(Would, huh? My dear wife, I had a clearance two stages above "Q"-so secret it does not have a name. Never mind, I'll take the rap.)

(Yes, I know, my husband, I once held the same level of clearance. But dealing with balky computers is my profession. Computers are supergeniuslevel children and must be dealt with on their own level. Okay, maybe, huh?-

"Gosh!"

"You see? Captain Lor, does Dora have any secrets of yours? Or of your brother's? She can tell them to Gay and Gay can tell them to me and I always tell everything to my husband and-"

Lazarus interrupted. "Dora! You tell tales out of school and I'll beat your ears off with an ax! It's all right for you two to chum together and play games. But you start swapping secrets and I'll call in Minsky's Metal Mentalities, Incorporated, to measure that space."

"Male computers. You can't scare me, 01' Buddy Boy, you wouldn't trust your dirty neck to a male computer. Stupid."

"My neck isn't dirty; that's just where the collar of my uniform rubbed it."

"Dirty neck and a dirty mind. But don't worry, 01' Buddy Boy; Dora Long doesn't tell secrets. I now see that Gay had to keep secrets, too-I just hadn't thought about it. But you were mean to my sisters."

"Me? How?"

"You knew about this caper; you didn't need to get it from Gay. You knew all about it; you were there. But you held out on your own twin sisters-"

"Most unfairly, Mama Maureen-"

"-as if we were untrustworthy, and if we're-"

"-untrustworthy, why can we be trusted with a ship and-"

"-the lives of everyone on board? We're glad you are here-"

"-for yourself, but maybe now that you are here, you will-"

"-protect us from his tyranny. Mama Ishtar doesn't, and Mama Hamadryad just laughs at us, and Mama Minerva takes his-"

"-side, everytime. But you-"

"Girls."

"Yes, Mama?"

"I made a promise to myself years ago that when my children grew up, I would not interfere in their lives. I should have punished Woodie more frequently when he was a child, but he is no longer a child-"

"Then why does he act like one?"

"Lorelei Lee! It is rude to interrupt."

"I'm sorry, Mama."

"No harm done. But from what I was told at home, you two are not only my daughters but are also Theodore's wives. Wives of Lazarus. And equally wives of his co-husbands. Is this not true?"

"Yes, Mama. But he's pretty chinchy about it."

"If you mean 'chinchy in bed,' it may depend on how you treat him. I did not find him so, when I was his mistress, many years ago-centuries ago by some odd scale that I do not understand. You heard me say that I am now wife to your co-husbands-including Lazarus if he will accept' me. But I am certainly, if you will accept me, sister-wife with you two. So I had better stop being your mother. Nay?"

"Why? Grammy Tammy is mother to Ish and everybody-"

"-and we have three mamas in our family now and everyone of them is our-"

"-sister-wife, too; Ish and Hamadarling and Minerva and now-"

"-we have Mama Maureen and we are both delighted that we are your sister-wives but-"

"-you can't get out of being our mama because we've been waiting for you

all our lives!" -

Dora echoed: "And I'm their sister so you are my mama, too!"

"Theodore, I think I am going to cry. You know my rule. I mayn't weep in front of my children."

I stood up, the whole gangling length of me. "Ma'am, I'd be honored to take you to some quiet place where you could cry on me all you please."

Seven-I think it was seven protein types and two computers-jumped on me. The essence was: "You can't take Maureen away from her own party!"- with ugly overtones of lynching.

The wind had freshened to force six, so I took liberal doses of champagne to insure against seasickness. After a bit I napped; it had been a busy day and I still was not over the shock of seeing a large freighter roadable about to take Gay's door off before I could close it and bounce. That was when I kicked the cop in the stomach. Ordinarily I don't kick cops; it makes one conspicuous.

Then a piercing voice was saying: "Flag Chief of Staff Carter's presence on the bridge is requested by the Commodore," and I wondered why the silly son of a bitch didn't comply, so that the noise would stop. Then something cold was poking my tender bare ribs. "That's you, Doc. I'll help you. Relax."

I was relaxed. Past tense. Some of Dora's waldoes aren't too gentle-or maybe these weren't people waldoes but for cargo; I admit that I'm fairly large for a growing boy.

In the lift I decided that the Beaufort scale was at least eight, more likely nine. Nevertheless we got to the bridge. Right out of Hollywood, a whole dome of displays and clocks-all moving slowly widdershins. Yet Gay made do with just an instrument board. I heard Sharpie say, "My God, look at him!"

Deety was saying something about we can shift seats if necessary to Lor while Laz was saying Drink this.

I said firmly, "I do not drink. Beshides I been dring; yr fashe is all blurry."

It must have been Laz and Lor who pinned me from both sides, each with an arm lock and a nerve pinch; Deety wouldn't do that to me.

Sharpie was holding my nose and Laz was pouring it down my throat; it fumed and bubbled. Then- Well, there must have been a stowaway; Deety wouldn't do that. Not to me.

They let go of me when I finished swallowing. I left the ship, made a fast inspection circuit, checked the Milky Way, and returned to a precision grounding. My ears fell off but it didn't seem military to stoop over and pick them up. Besides, Sharpie is playful.