I shuddered. Gretchen noticed. "You okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," I said, too quickly. "I've met the Rraey before." Gretchen looked at me strangely but didn't say anything after that.

"We have a list for you," Hickory said. "Jerry Bennett has already prepared the files you have access to for each species. Take special note of the physiology of each race. This will be important in our instruction."

"To learn how to fight them," I said.

"Yes," Hickory said. "And to learn how to kill them."

Three weeks into our studies I pulled up a race who were not on our list.

"Wow, they're scary-looking," Gretchen said, looking over my shoulder after she noticed I had been reading for a while.

"They're Consu," I said. "They're scary, period." I handed my PDA over to Gretchen. "They're the most advanced race we know about. They make us look like we're banging rocks together. And they're the ones who made the Obin what they are today."

"Genetically engineered them?" Gretchen asked. I nodded. "Well, maybe next time they can code for personality. What are you looking at them for?"

"I'm just curious," I said. "Hickory and Dickory have talked to me about them before. They're the closet thing the Obin have to a higher power."

"Their gods," Gretchen said.

I shrugged. "More like a kid with an ant farm," I said. "An ant farm and a magnifying glass."

"Sounds lovely," Gretchen said, and handed back the PDA. "Hope I never get to meet them. Unless they're on my side."

"They're not on a side," I said. "They're above."

"Above is a side," Gretchen said.

"Not our side," I said, and switched the PDA back to what I was supposed to be reading.

Late evening: everything else.

"Well, this is a surprise," I said to Enzo, who was sitting on my doorstep as I came back from another thrilling night at the information center. "I haven't seen you too much recently."

"You haven't seen much of anybody recently," Enzo said, standing up to greet me. "It's just you and Gretchen. And you've been avoiding me since we broke up the study group."

"I'm not avoiding you," I said.

"You haven't been going out of your way to look for me," Enzo said.

Well, he had me there.

"I don't blame you for it," I said, changing the subject a little. "It's not your fault Magdy threw that fit of his." After several weeks of increased sniping, things between Magdy and Gretchen finally reached toxic levels; the two of them had a shouting match in class and Magdy ended up saying some fairly not forgivable things and then stomping off, Enzo trailing behind. And that was the end of our little band.

"Yeah, it's all Magdy's fault," Enzo said. "Gretchen's poking at him until he snapped didn't have anything to do with it at all."

Already this conversation had gone twice to places I didn't want it to go, and the rational part of my brain was just telling me to let it go and change the subject. But then there was the not quite rational part, which was suddenly getting really annoyed. "So are you hanging out on my doorstep just to dump on my best friend, or is there some other reason you dropped by?"

Enzo opened his mouth to say something, and then just shook his head. "Forget it," he said, and started to walk off.

I blocked his path. "No," I said. "You came here for a reason. Tell me what it is."

"Why don't I see you anymore?" Enzo said.

"Is that what you came here to ask me?" I said.

"No," Enzo said. "It's not what I came here to say. But it's what I'm asking you now. It's been two weeks since Magdy and Gretchen did their thing, Zoë. It was between the two of them, but I've hardly seen you since then. If you're not actually avoiding me, you're faking it really well."

"If it was between Gretchen and Magdy, why did you leave when he did?" I said.

"He's my friend," Enzo said. "Someone had to calm him down. You know how he gets. You know I'm his heat sink. What kind of question is that?"

"I'm just saying it's not just between Magdy and Gretchen," I said. "It's between all of us. You and me and Gretchen and Magdy. When was the last time you did anything without Magdy?"

"I don't remember him being there when we spend time together," Enzo said.

"You know what I mean," I said. "You're always following him, keeping him from getting hit by someone or breaking his neck or doing something stupid."

"I'm not his puppy," Enzo said, and for that minute he actually got a little angry. Which was new.

I ignored it. "You're his friend," I said. "His best friend. And Gretchen is mine. And right now our best friends can't stand the sight of each other. And that leaks into us, Enzo. Let me ask you, right now, how do you feel about Gretchen? You don't like her very much, do you?"

"We've had better days," Enzo said.

"Right. Because she and your best friend are at it. I feel the same way about Magdy. I guarantee you he feels the same way about me. And Gretchen isn't feeling very friendly to you. I want to spend time with you, Enzo, but most of the time, both of us are a package deal. We come with our best friends attached. And I don't want the drama right now."

"Because it's easier just not to bother," Enzo said.

"Because I'm tired, Enzo," I said, spitting out the words. "Okay? I'm tired. Every morning I wake up and I have to run or do strength exercises or something that tires me out right after I've gotten out of bed. I'm tired before the rest of you are even awake. Then school. Then an entire afternoon of getting physically beat up in order to learn how to defend myself, on the chance some aliens want to come down here and kill us all. Then I spend my evenings reading up on every single race out there, not because it's interesting, but just in case I need to murder one of them, I'll know where its soft spots are. I hardly have time to think about anything else, Enzo. I am tired.

"Do you think all of this is fun for me? Do you think it's fun for me not to see you? To spend all my time learning to hurt and kill things? Do you think it's fun for me that every single day I get my nose rubbed in the fact there's a whole universe out there just waiting to murder us? When was the last time you thought about it? When was the last time Magdy thought about it? I think about it every day, Enzo. My time is spent doing nothing but. So don't tell me that it's just easier for me not to bother with the drama. You have no idea. I'm sorry. But you don't."

Enzo stared at me for a minute, and then reached over to wipe my cheeks. "You could tell me, you know," he said.

I laughed a small laugh. "I don't have time," I said. That got a smile from Enzo. "And anyway, I don't want you to worry."

"It's a little late for that," Enzo said.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"It's all right," he said.

"I miss it, you know," I said, wiping my own face. "Spending time with you. Even when it meant spending time with Magdy. I miss having the time to really talk to you. I miss watching you fail at dodgeball. I miss you sending me poems. I miss all of it. I'm sorry that we've gotten mad at each other lately, and that we didn't do something to fix it. I'm sorry and I miss you, Enzo."

"Thank you," Enzo said.

"You're welcome," I said.

We stood there for a minute, looking at each other.

"You came here to break up with me, didn't you," I said, finally.

"Yeah," said Enzo. "Yeah, I did. Sorry."

"Don't be," I said. "I haven't been a very good girlfriend."

"Yes you have," Enzo said. "When you've had the time."

Another shaky laugh from me. "Well, that's the problem, isn't it," I said.

"Yes," Enzo said, and I know he was sorry he felt he had to say it.

And just like that my first relationship was over, and I went to bed, and I didn't sleep.

And then I got up when the sun came up and walked out to our exercise area, and started everything again. Exercise. School. Training. Study.