“Stinky?”

“Yes, funny nickname, goes back to the academy, something to do with a chemistry experiment. Which is completely beside the point. I thought enough of this assignment to take a leave from my desk. Great fun. Up until the last, that is.”

“Which leaves young Floyd here? Also an admiral?”

He looked sheepish. “Come on, Jim, you know better than that. I even washed out of college, never graduated at all… ”

I pointed an accusatory finger. “Putting academic credits aside you must have some value to the Special Corps.”

“Yes, well, I do. I really am sort of an instructor…”

“Speak up, Floyd,” Steengo said proudly. “Being chief instructor in charge of the unarmed defense school is nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I agree completely!” I said. “If you weren’t a whiz kid in unarmed combat, why none of us would be here. Thanks guys. Mission complete and successful. Let’s drink to that.”

As we raised and clashed our glasses together, drank deep, I thought of my mother. I do this very rarely; it must be all the male-female myth dredging that brought her to mind. Or what she used to say. Very superstitious my Ma. Had a superstition for any occasion. The one that I remember best was when you said how great things were, or what a nice day it was. Bite your tongue she used to say.

Meaning don’t tempt the gods. Keep your head down. Because saying that something was good would surely bring about the opposite.

Bite your tongue, good old Ma. What a lot of malarky.

When I lowered my glass I saw a woman stumble in through the open door. A young woman with torn clothing, dusty and staggering.

“Sound the alarm… “ she gasped. “Disaster destruction!”

Madonette caught her as she fell, listened to her whispered words, looked up with a horrified expression.

“She’s hurt, babbling… something about the science building, destroyed, gone. Everything.”

That was when I felt the cold tongs grab tight to my chest, squeezing so hard they made speech almost impossible.

“The artifact – ” was all I managed to say.

Madonette nodded slow agreement. “That’s where it was, they told me. In the science building. So it must be gone too.”

The mutual decision of The Stainless Steel Rats was a simple one: we had had about enough for one day. We were alive, if not too well. We had found the artifact so our mission was accomplished. The fact that it had also been destroyed was beside the fact. I hoped. They would have to supply me with the poison antidote now. I kept that thought firmly before me as I went to sleep. This was a time for rest. Wounds had to heal, tissue had to mend, fatigue had to be alleviated: medication and a good night’s sleep took care of all of that.

The sun was shining brilliantly upon the garden of our new residence when I dragged myself there next morning. Sleep had banished fatigue, which meant that I felt all the bruises that much more enthusiastically. My medication was beginning to override the pain and I dropped into a chair while I waited for beneficence to take place. Steengo came in soon after, swinging along on crutches and looking very much like I felt. He eased himself into the chair opposite me. I smiled a welcoming smile.

“Good morning, Admiral.”

“Please, Jim – I’m still Steengo.”

“Then, Steengo, since we’re alone for the moment, let me express my heartfelt thanks for breaking up the brainwashing session with Iron John. For which, unhappily, you paid quite a physical price.”

“Thank you, Jim, I appreciate that. But I had to do it. To save you from being programmed. Also – I really did lose my temper. Teddy bear indeed! A complete corruption of history.”

“No teddy bear? No golden ball?”

“The golden ball, yes. That represents innocence, the pleasures of childhood without responsibility. It is lost when we grow up. To regain this freedom the myth tells us we have to find the ball under mother’s pillow-and steal it.”

“But in a society without women you can’t have a mother -so the myth has to be rewritten?”

Steengo nodded agreement, then winced and touched the bandage around his head. “Retold as nonsense. In the original story Mother never wants the boy child to grow up, sees him as young and dependent forever. Independence must be stolen away from mother-hence the golden ball under her pillow.”

“Pretty deep stuff.”

“Pretty fascinating stuff. Mankind depends on its myths to rationalize existence. Pervert the myth and you pervert society.”

“Like Big Red and his mates on the other side of the wall?”

“Exactly. But what was happening there was far more dangerous than just editing a myth. I had suspected that there would be some strong narcogases in the air-and I was right. You and Floyd were glassy-eyed and practically hypnotized into immobility. So it wasn’t just a matter of listening to one more story about the magnetic field of the deep masculine. This was about having a very pernicious and demented theory punched deep into your mind, into your subconscious. You were being brainwashed, thought-controlled-and this sort of crude forced suggestion can do infinite harm. I had to stop it.

“Risking your life at the same time?”

“Perhaps. But I am sure you would have done the same for me if the circumstances were reversed.”

There was no answering that one. Would I? I smiled, a little grimly. “Can I at least say thanks?”

“You can. Greatly appreciated. So back to work. Now, before the others come, to more pressing business. Since I am now in the open, so to speak, I am relieving Captain Tremearne and taking command of this operation. I am in a better position to kick the cagal out of the chain of command and make sure that your antidote is here instantly. Or sooner. My first imperative order when I took command was to send for it.”

“Then you know about the thirty-day poison? If I might be frank-I can tell you-it has had me pretty worried. Thank you – ”

“Don’t thank me yet. Because I want your assurance that you will stick with this assignment, thirty-day poison or no.”

“Of course I will. I took on this job, got paid, and gave my word I would finish it. The poison was just some bureaucratic moron’s idea of a completion bond.”

“I was sure you would say that. Knew that you would carry on regardless, threat of death or no threat of death.”

Why was I uncomfortable when he said this? This was my old mate Steengo talking. Or was there a strong whiff of the admiral behind his words? Once the military, always the military… No, I would not think ill of him. But I better remember that the poison was still churning away. He was smiling widely and I let my smile mirror his. Although, deep inside, the worry and fear still nagged and scratched at my thoughts. Find the artifact, Jim. That is the only way to be sure about the antidote.

I laughed and smiled. But only on the outside. “Carry on, of course. The artifact must be found.”

“Must be found, you are right. The search must go on!” He looked over my shoulder and waved. “And there’s Floyd – and Madonette. Welcome, my dear, welcome. I would stand to greet you, but only with difficulty.”

She smiled and kissed his forehead below the bandage. Of course she was the last one to arrive, woman’s prerogative. Though I had better abandon such male-chauv-pig reflexive observations. At least while I was still a guest of the ladies this side of Paradise.

“I have been talking to Mata,” she said, seating herself and sipping a bit of fruit juice. “The science building was empty when the explosion occurred, so no one was injured. Since then they have sifted the ruins and found that there is no trace at all of the artifact.”

“Positive?” I asked.

“Positive. They have been eavesdropping on the other side of the wall, so they knew about all our interest in the thing. They waited until they observed that all the male scientists had looked at it and prodded it enough. As expected those noble gentlemen-referred here to as ‘the geriatric incompetents’ had discovered nothing. Having no further interest the scientists had it transferred here. A study program had been drawn up to examine the artifact but was just beginning when the explosion occurred. End of report.”