Following him, the other officers argued that in addition to artillery, the enemy had air support and always fought a battle on two dimensions – on the ground and from the air. If we stuck to one spot, we'd play right into their hands. We had no alternative but to break out of the encirclement. Hao Chaolin, the division's artillery director, who was without a single gun under his command now, said, "Commander Niu, please give orders! We can't let the enemy continue wasting our men like this. These troops are the last ones our division has!" A large mole kept moving near the edge of Chaolin's left eye as he spoke.

Niu declared, "Get ready to fight our way out! The operational staff will request approval from our army's headquarters immediately. We'll set out the minute we get permission."

Fortunately radio contact was reestablished, but we waited three hours for a response from above, which didn't come until after five p.m. Permission was granted. The telegram ordered us to reach Eagle Peak, in the northeast, and stated that our army was regrouping beyond Maping Village. The higher-ups seemed in confusion too – the message didn't make sense, the two places were in opposite directions. Nevertheless, we started out northeast at six o'clock.

To reach Eagle Peak we had to pass a deep valley, about two miles long. The 538th Regiment marched at the front; behind them was the divisional staff, followed by the 540th Regiment. More than two thousand men crowded into this valley; it was difficult to maneuver, and we could only go forward. In no time the troops were in disorder. Some men straggled behind and slipped away into the woods and bushes. Who could blame them? The whole division hadn't eaten a single meal for four days, so whenever possible, the men would step aside to look for things to eat. Sometimes they picked up a bag of roasted soybeans dropped by a kitchen cart, or took handfuls of parched flour from a tubed sack still strapped across a dead man's chest. Occasionally they chanced on a bag of rice left behind by the South Korean army. Having no time to cook, they just munched the grains raw. We were all like hungry ghosts, fearful but unable to stop wandering around. During the forced march, many men couldn't keep pace and dropped behind. Some new soldiers would fall to their knees or lie down whenever shells exploded nearby. A large number of the recruits from the former Nationalist army deserted. One of them not only defied orders but also fired at the deputy commander of the 540th Regiment, who was seriously wounded in the head and later died in the POW hospital.

Several times the troops at the front were hit by enemy artillery, and again we suffered heavy casualties. At sunrise, when we finally reached the west side of Eagle Peak, there were only thirteen hundred men left, and the enemy had already occupied all the heights in that area. The leaders of the 538th Regiment organized an assault unit, composed of about fifty Party members, many of whom were junior officers. They set out in the triangular formation – "three as a group like an arrowhead" – and took the main hilltop from the enemy, so we had a foothold for the time being. Rut they were overwhelmed by the enemy's counterattack in the afternoon and lost the position. This meant that our attempt to break out of the encirclement had failed.

At dusk we heard by radio from our Sixtieth Army's headquarters again. Commander Hong ordered us to head northwest for Shichang, a village, to meet with some brother units already on the move to our rescue. For hours our men had been searching for things to eat on the mountain. When the officers finally assembled them, there were about four hundred men left. They were organized into three companies, and together we started out for Shichang. The divisional leaders were so exhausted, so weakened, that their bodyguards had to support them on the way. I limped behind them; my heart was filled with fear, so heavy, as if jammed with lead. Never had I thought that the war could be so chaotic and so bloody.

In fact, we were now walking back the way we had come. According to the map Shichang was about fifteen miles away, but because of fatigue and artillery attacks we covered only ten miles over the course of a whole night, during which the earth seemed to shake under my feet. At some spots, the soil had been loosened so much by heavy bombardment that the dirt reached our ankles when we walked through it. The next morning, as we were about to enter the valley we had passed the night before, suddenly a voice came from down the slope to the right. " Commissar Pei, Commissar Pei, take me with you please!"

"It's Doctor Wang," said Tiger, Pei 's bodyguard.

Pei told Commander Niu, "I'm going down to have a look. I'll be back in a minute."

"Don't stay too long, Old Pei," Niu said.

"I won't."

The commissar could no longer walk steadily, so Tiger and I supported him down the slope to see the doctor. Chang Ming offered to come with us, but Pei said we'd be back shortly. Ming had sprained his neck and marched with his head tilted at an angle of forty-five degrees, so the commissar refused to let him accompany us.

Dr. Wang's right knee was injured and he had lost consciousness the night before. At the sight of us he wailed, "Please take me along, Commissar Pei! I'm still useful." His pockmarked cheeks were bathed in tears. Beside him lay a leather medical box, which I picked up and strapped across my shoulder. I helped him to his feet and together we climbed the incline to catch up with the retreating troops, gripping the branches of osier shrubs all the way.

When we got back to the trail, there was no trace of our men. My heart lurched; scared and outraged, I was reduced to tears.

"Don't cry, Yuan," Pei said to me.

"I never thought they'd abandon us like this! We're their comrades," I said.

"I screw their mothers!" cursed Tiger, his baby face streaked with tears.

Together we entered the valley. After a few minutes' walk, when we had just passed a stretch of marshy land, a voice shouted from the edge of a larch wood, " Commissar Pei 's coming!"

"Take us with you, Commissar Pei!"

Voices followed one another. Then from the grass some men rose to their feet, waving and shouting. A few staggered toward us. We went down the slope to see them. Thirty yards later I felt dozens of eyes staring at us from three directions.

"Have pity!" a man moaned.

"Please, I'm my parents' only son."

"Send us back to China!"

"Oh, don't leave us behind!"

"I'll recover soon. Commissar, please assign a stretcher to me."

"Don't dump us in Korea!"

There were about three hundred men in the valley, mostly wounded by artillery, some burned by napalm, and many poisoned by mushrooms and herbs, their lips purple and their faces swollen. A few weeks ago they had all been strong men in the pride of their youth and vitality, but now they were more piteous than a swarm of lepers. For a moment I was so horrified that words failed me.

To my surprise, Pei Shan announced loudly, "Comrades, I won't abandon any of you. We shall fight our way out and get back to our base."

Some men began sobbing and cursing the American imperialists and their own superiors who had deserted them. After they had assembled around Commissar Pei, we divided them into three teams. Now I had to assume some kind of leadership because I was an officer. We covered the dead with sheets and thin quilts, roughly dressed the wounded, and assigned the men to help each other in pairs. Before we set off, the commissar gave a short speech. "Comrades and brothers," he said, "it's obvious we're surrounded. Now in front of us are two enemies: one is the American invader and the other is hunger. We must grit our teeth to endure hunger. For the time being this is all we can do. We're going to set out now. On the way every Party member must help others and must be a model of bravery and loyalty. We're going to use the cover of darkness to slip through the gaps in the enemy's lines – "