"Aye, m'lord". Sam Stoops had told him.
"For a thousand years before the Conquest, we were the Marshalls of the Northmarch. A score of lesser lordlings did us fealty, and a hundred landed knights. We had four castles then, and watchtowers on the hills to warn of the coming of our enemies. Coldmoat was the greatest of our seats. Lord Perwyn Osgrey raised it. Perwyn the Proud, they called him.
"After the Field of Fire, Highgarden passed from kings to stewards, and the Osgreys dwindled and diminished. 'Twas Aegon's son King Maegor who took Coldmoat from us, when Lord Ormond Osgrey spoke out against his supression of the Stars and Swords, as the Poor Fellows and the Warrior's Sons were called". His voice had grown hoarse. "There is a chequy lion carved into the stone above the gates of Coldmoat. My father showed it to me, the first time he took me with him to call on old Reynard Webber. I showed it to my own sons in turn. Addam… Addam served at Coldmoat, as a page and squire, and a… a certain… fondness grew up between him and Lord Wyman's daughter. So one winter day I donned my richest raiment and went to Lord Wyman to propose a marriage. His refusal was courteous, but as I left I heard him laughing with Ser Lucas Inchfield. I never returned to Coldmoat after that, save once, when that woman presumed to carry off one of mine own. When they told me to seek for poor Lem at the bottom of the moat-"
"Dake", said Dunk. "Bennis says his name was Dake".
"Dake?" The fly was creeping down his sleeve, pausing to rub its legs together the way flies did. Ser Eustace shooed it away, and rubbed his lip beneath his mustache. "Dake. That was what I said. A staunch fellow, I recall him well. He foraged for us, during the war. We never marched on empty bellies. When Ser Lucas informed me of what had been done to my poor Dake, I swore a holy vow that I would never set foot inside that castle again, unless to take possession. So you see, I cannot go there, Ser Duncan. Not to pay the blood price, or for any other reason. I cannot ".
Dunk understood. "I could go, m'lord. I swore no vows".
"You are a good man, Ser Duncan. A brave knight, and true". Ser Eustace gave Dunk's arm a squeeze. "Would that the gods had spared my Alysanne. You are the sort of man I had always hoped that she might marry. A true knight, Ser Duncan. A true knight".
Dunk was turning red. "I will tell Lady Webber what you said, about the blood price, but.. ".
"You will save Ser Bennis from Dake's fate. I know it. I am no mean judge of men, and you are the true steel. You will give them pause, ser. The very sight of you. When that woman sees that Standfast has such a champion, she may well take down that dam of her own accord".
Dunk did not know what to say to that. He knelt. "M'lord. I will go upon the morrow, and do the best I can".
"On the morrow". The fly came circling back, and lit upon Ser Eustace's left hand. He raised his right and smashed it flat. "Yes. On the morrow".
" Another bath?" Egg said, dismayed. "You washed yesterday".
"And then I spent a day in armor, swimming in my sweat. Close your lips and fill the kettle".
"You washed the night Ser Eustace took us into service", Egg pointed out. "And last night, and now. That's three times, ser".
"I need to treat with a highborn lady. Do you want me to turn up before her high seat smelling like Ser Bennis?"
"You would have to roll in a tub of Maester's droppings to smell as bad as that, ser". Egg filled the kettle. "Sam Stoops says the castellan at Coldmoat is as big as you are. Lucas Inchfield is his name, but he's called the Longinch for his size. Do you think he's as big as you are, ser?"
"No". It had been years since Dunk had met anyone as tall as he was. He took the kettle and hung it above the fire.
"Will you fight him?"
"No". Dunk almost wished it had been otherwise. He might not be the greatest fighter in the realm, but size and strength could make up for many lacks. Not for a lack of wits, though. He was no good with words, and worse with women. This giant Lucas Longinch did not daunt him half so much as the prospect of facing the Red Widow. "I'm going to talk to the Red Widow, that's all".
"What will you tell her, ser?"
"That she has to take the dam down". You must take down your dam, m'lady, or else… "Ask her to take down the dam, I mean". Please give back our chequy water . "If it pleases her". A little water, m'lady, if it please you. Ser Eustace would not want him to beg. How do I say it, then?
The water soon begun to steam and bubble. "Help me lug this to the tub", Dunk told the boy. Together they lifted the kettle from the hearth and crossed the cellar to the big wooden tub. "I don't know how to talk with highborn ladies", he confessed as they were pouring. "We both might have been killed in Dorne, on account of what I said to Lady Vaith".
"Lady Vaith was mad", Egg reminded him, "but you could have been more gallant. Ladies like it when you're gallant. If you were to rescue the Red Widow the way you rescued that puppet girl from Aerion.. ".
"Aerion's in Lys, and the Widow's not in want of rescuing". He did not want to talk of Tanselle. Tanselle Too-Tall was her name, but she was not too tall for me.
"Well", the boy said, "some knights sing gallant songs to their ladies, or play them tunes upon a lute".
"I have no lute". Dunk looked morose. "And that night I drank too much in the Planky Town, you told me I sang like an ox in a mud wallow".
"I had forgotten, ser".
"How could you forget?"
"You told me to forget, ser", said Egg, all innocence. "You told me I'd get a clout in the ear the next time I mentioned it".
"There will be no singing". Even if he had the voice for it, the only song Dunk knew all the way through was "The Bear and the Maiden Fair". He doubted that would do much to win over Lady Webber. The kettle was steaming once again. They wrestled it over to the tub and upended it.
Egg drew water to fill it for the third time, then clambered back onto the well. "You'd best not take any food or drink at Coldmoat, ser. The Red Widow poisoned all her husbands".
"I'm not like to marry her. She's a highborn lady, and I'm Dunk of Flea Bottom, remember?" He frowned. "Just how many husbands has she had, do you know?"
"Four", said Egg, "but no children. Whenever she gives birth, a demon comes by night to carry off the issue. Sam Stoops' wife says she sold her babes unborn to the Lord of the Seven Hells, so he'd teach her his black arts".
"Highborn ladies don't meddle with the black arts. They dance and sing and do embroidery".
"Maybe she dances with demons and embroiders evil spells", Egg said with relish. "And how would you know what highborn ladies do, ser? Lady Vaith is the only one you ever knew".
That was insolent, but true. "Might be I don't know any highborn ladies, but I know a boy who's asking for a good clout in the ear". Dunk rubbed the back of his neck. A day in chainmail always left it hard as wood. "You've known queens and princesses. Did they dance with demons and practice the black arts?"
"Lady Shiera does. Lord Bloodraven's paramour. She bathes in blood to keep her beauty. And once my sister Rhae put a love potion in my drink, so I'd marry her instead of my sister Daella".
Egg spoke as if such incest was the most natural thing in the world. For him it is. The Targaryens had been marrying brother to sister for hundreds of years, to keep the blood of the dragon pure. Though the last actual dragon had died before Dunk was born, the dragonkings went on. Maybe the gods don't mind them marrying their sisters. "Did the potion work?" Dunk asked.
"It would have", said Egg, "but I spit it out. I don't want a wife, I want to be a knight of the Kingsguard, and live only to serve and defend the king. The Kingsguard are sworn not to wed".