16 December 1802

I WAS ENGAGED BY MY JOURNAL WELL INTO THE EVENING last night, tucked up in my sombre room with the fire burned low and all the house, as I thought, abed; but sleep remained elusive, though the great clock in the hall below would chime eleven, and then the quarter- and the half-hour. I determined at the last to snuff out my candle and attempt to find some rest, though the doubts and fears that have occupied my waking hours would fill my head with a riotous clamour.

I had consigned the room to dark, and placed my head upon the pillow, when the clock struck midnight; and as the final toll died away, I heard a rhythmic creaking, as of a measured pacing, commence along the floorboards of the gallery beyond my door. The sound — unremarkable in daylight — caused me now to stiffen with apprehension and bate my breath. It was the very height of the witching hour, when dread comes easy to the mind. That the shade of the First Earl had come to mourn poor Frederick, his descendant, I might almost have believed; for rather than cease with entering a room or passing from the hall, as the footsteps of any mortal inmate of Scargrave should do, the footsteps continued their curious dragging movement. [21]

An age it seemed I lay there, with all thought suspended, until I felt of a sudden that I should sooner die from fright of an apparition, than sweat in my bed from foolish fancies. I threw back the bedcovers, swung a cold foot to the floor, and crept to the door as soundlessly as I knew how. It but remained to turn the knob quietly and slowly, to crack the door an inch or two, and peer around the jamb.

In the dimness of the hall I saw him: a tall, gaunt figure dressed in the outmoded fashion of nearly two centuries past. A gossamer veiling concealed his head, which bore a long wig of cascading dark curls; his shoes were heeled and pitched forward in the fashion of the long-dead Sun King, and from their precarious perch he seemed to plod down the gallery on the tips of his toes. Cobwebs hung from his fingers, and from the hem of his satin coat; he was as dusty as a tailor's dummy fetched from a forgotten attic. The very shade of the First Earl, called from the dead to mourn the late Frederick; and to my thankfulness, the spectre had passed and was departing with turned back. I readied myself to observe him glide through the wall at the gallery's nether end, when he stopped before a closed chamber door, listening in the stillness, never moving a spectral muscle. I felt my skin prickle with consciousness. Would that he did not turn his face and stare with terrible eyes upon my night-clad form! But perhaps he felt the weight of my gaze; there could be no other cause for such suspension of purpose. The door before which he halted led to Fitzroy Payne's apartments; and I prayed for that gentleman to awake, and fright the ghost back into the ether, until I recollected that Lord Scargrave was even still bent over his uncle's papers in the late Earl's library. I drew breath, and disturbed the stillness; and with that, the shade's head began to turn.

I shot back around the doorjamb, my breathing and pulse quickening, waiting for the wrath of the undead to descend upon my room; but all remained silent — no creaking boards, no ghostly wind progressing down the hall. The spectre had not moved. Summoning my courage, I peeked back into the hall and saw with relief that the First Earl had vanished. Movement alone must be adequate to dispel a wraith; but I did not care to test the efficacy of my exorcism. I bolted the oak, fled to my bed, and pulled the covers over my head; and when the boards creaked once more, not long thereafter, I merely burrowed deeper.

AND SO I AM COME TO MY TWENTY-SEVENTH YEAR, WITH the bleary eyes and pale complexion of one robbed of sleep. My birthday has dawned with little of cheer to mark it; the sky is a lowering grey, and a chill wind rattles the leafless trees. I declare that I feel old this morning, despite the gallantries of Lieutenant Tom Hearst (more concerning that in time). There was less of the frightening in being five-and-twenty, or even six-and-twenty, than I feel today. There is something so inevitable about seven-and-twenty; it is decidedly on the wrong side of the decade for a lady, particularly an unmarried one. But none here at Scargrave is apprised of my birthday, and so I would keep it; too much of a serious nature demands our attention.

Having slept rather heavily in the wake of the ghost's visit, I was a full half-hour late for breakfast. Tho’ the custom at home is to take one's chocolate and rolls at ten o'clock, the sideboard in Scargrave's pretty little morning room is laid an hour earlier, as befits a country household. I thought to find the table deserted, and rejoiced at the prospect of solitude; the peace of bright yellow walls and fresh muslin curtains — a rare note of cheer amidst Scargrave's ponderous decoration — should be my reward for dissipation.

But to my surprise, I found Madame Delahoussaye still lingering over toast and tea.

“My dear Miss Austen!” she exclaimed, studying my pale countenance. “I am sure you slept very unwell.”

“I suffered from nightmares, I am afraid,” I said.

“It is written on your face, ma pauvre. You might almost have seen a ghost.”

I peered at her narrowly, fearing myself to be a laughing-stock, but Madame's comfortable features and glittering dark eyes were innocent of intrigue.

“I had understood there to be a ghost at Scargrave,” I said, as a footman pulled out my chair, “but I am a clergyman's daughter, Madame, and the perils of the grave must be as nothing to me.”

“I rejoice to hear it,” my breakfast companion said equably, replenishing her tea, “since your room lies along the First Earl's accustomed walk. Do you endeavour to fall asleep before midnight, my dear, for once you slumber; a wraith cannot hope to disturb you.”

My reply was forestalled by the entrance of one of the housemaids, Daisy by name. She is Mrs. Hodges's granddaughter, and only sixteen, a youthfulness she appears to feel painfully in her current elevation — for in Marguerite's absence, Daisy has been placed at Isobel's disposal, and struggles daily to be worthy of her office. I surmised that her mistress had sent her in search of me, and threw down my serviette in haste.

Daisy bobbed in Madame's direction, and then in mine, the ribbons on her cap fluttering prettily. “Please, miss,” she told me in a breathless accent, “milady says as she has had a note from Sir William, begging to call at eleven o'clock. Will you join milady then, miss, in the little sitting-room?”

“Of course, Daisy. You may inform your mistress I shall be delighted.” I endeavoured to look undismayed, though I confess my thoughts were racing. It must be that Sir William had received a letter from the maid Marguerite — nothing short of urgency would bring him to the Manor so soon upon the heels of his first visit.

“I suppose the magistrate wishes to see as much of you as he may, while you remain at Scargrave, Miss Austen,” Madame Delahoussaye said. I turned to survey her face, but it was suffused with only the mildest curiosity. “The discovery of old acquaintance here has assuredly heightened his gallantry. He can have no other reason, I suppose, for forcing himself upon a house of mourning?”

“Sir William is so respectable, and his intentions so amiable, Madame,” I replied, with something of coldness in my accent, “that his presence can afford Scargrave nothing but relief. That the Countess does not hesitate to meet him must be enough to recommend him.”

At her inclining her head, and the footman serving me with fresh chocolate, I endeavoured to converse of other things, the better to speed the meal to its close. Nearly two hours must be endured before I should hear Sir William's intelligence — time enough to lament Daisy's unfettered tongue, and wish that girls of sixteen might have less of the ingenuous and more of discretion.