Someone had answered Suzy after all.

I had a problem with the Horned God of the Hunt: I quite simply couldn’t take my eyes off him. I’d never been able to, not from the first moment he’d roared into my life, a living thing of liquid silver and burning green. Nothing had changed since then, not his anger, not his strength, not his beauty, and not my ability to be anything other than stunned by him, either.

He came at me like a flash flood, hugged close to his mercury-hued horse. They were larger than life, the pair of them, magical creatures poured from molds that humanity only dreamed of. Nearly all I could see of the god was his wildfire green eyes, blazing with intent that was wholly focused on me. Everything else about him was a blur, written in by my memory: the starlight-spattered brown hair, the terrible sharp widow’s peak it fell back from and the distorted bone at his temples that would give birth to the magnificent antlers he was named for. His body was slender now, not yet changed to bear the weight of a too-heavy head, and his clothes were living silver, flowing and caressing. I’d seen otherworldly beauty time and again in the past year as I’d raced through one madcap adventure after another, but nothing held a candle to the Horned God. Like an idiot, I found myself smiling at his approach.

Cernunnos slammed by at top speed, twitching at the last second to knee me in the jaw.

From the outside it must’ve been fantastic to watch. I felt my whole body stretch out in slow motion, head thrown back with the impact. My hands flew up like a backstroker off the block, and for an instant my body traced a perfect arch in the air.

Then, as it was wont to do, gravity called me home with a vengeance.

I just barely broke my fall with my hands, and more or less crumpled down on myself like an accordion. Astonishment kept me in a lump on the ground; astonishment, and the distant idea that the moment I moved I was going to start hurting an awful lot. I was pretty sure I should be hurting already, but surprise held it at bay. Cernunnos and I had parted on good terms, if you called him kissing me until my knees went wobbly good terms. I certainly had. Maybe gods judged these things differently.

Hooves smashed around me and I coiled up with my hands over my head, yelling wordlessly. Yeah, that hurt: pain exploded through my skull in piercing shards. In fact, I thought it was likely my skull was indeed made up of piercing shards, and that all the king’s doctors and all the king’s men weren’t going to put Jo back together again. Oh, God. That was worse than the banshee. It had been going to rhyme me to death. Now I was going to rhyme myself to death. That was so unfair.

Worse, I was clearly about a million mental miles away from the calm that might help me heal myself. I stopped yelling and just groaned, then gave that up as a bad job, too, and went right for pathetic whimpering. I hoped I’d at least chipped the bastard’s kneecap with my thick head, but I was reasonably certain I’d gotten the raw end of the deal.

The hoof beats had faded into the distance. The tiny part of me that wasn’t busy being impressed with how my brain ricocheted around inside its casing informed me that they were now returning, and that I might want to do something about it. In a supreme effort of will, I rolled over in time to watch Cernunnos’s stallion skid to a stop above me. It reared up, front feet pawing, and it was clear that for the second time in my life, the majestic beast had every intention of killing me.

It was probably a dumb-ass time to leave my body behind, but that’s what I did.

My garden was mind-blowingly peaceful after the cacophony of the Hunt. My head didn’t hurt any less, but the silence felt like a pillow around my bruises. It took a few seconds to pull myself together and tentatively probe my face. Astonishingly, there was nothing broken, just a point of swollen flesh that I bet would bleed like a stuck pig if I poked a pin in it. It was just as well I didn’t have a pin. My brain thought gallons of blood squirting out of my jaw sounded kind of cool.

I wrested my mind away from that image and searched for one that would help me fix my head. What leaped to mind were bubbles in the paint job, but I was hardly going to sand the bruise off my head and paint over it. My car metaphor didn’t always work smoothly. Draining the oil would have to do, though that led back to the squirting. I gritted my teeth and imagined working a clog out of the oil filter so it could flow smoothly through the engine again. I didn’t want blood clotting up my head. It needed to move away from the injury, get back into the rest of my system. Then I could do a touchup on the paint job, bruise and swollen flesh smoothing away.

With the ache in my skull considerably reduced, I took the shielding I’d so poorly protected my garden with, and brought it back with me to the real world.

The stallion’s hooves smashed down on shimmering silver-blue magic, clanging like steel on steel. I watched reverberations shoot up the poor animal’s legs—how it had gone from trying to kill me to poor animal, I didn’t know—and gave a relieved meep at not being crushed to death. The horse slipped off my shields to the ground and pranced uncomfortably. Cernunnos, about a thousand feet above me, bared his teeth and drew blade.

This was all starting to seem strangely familiar.

Sadly for me, last time I’d had a steel butterfly knife in hand, and all I had right now was a whole bunch of diddly and a big lump of squat. More, this time I had a passionate amount of really truly swear-to-God cross-my-heart hope-to-die not wanting to impale myself again. Or be impaled, for that matter, but there was a short sharp sword on its way down to do just that. I closed my eyes, put my hand out and hoped like hell that I was right about being able to pull a rapier through inconveniently intervening space when I needed it.

It was even money on who was more surprised, me or Cernunnos, when I did. The god’s jaw dropped open in as human an expression as I’d ever seen on anything, and my face split with a relieved, foolish grin. The sword was there, as solidly, as reliably, as it had been in the astral plane. Moreover, my armor came with it: a copper bracelet on my wrist, silver necklace settling in the hollow of my throat and a small round shield decorating my arm. Those four items together spun a circle of brilliance around me, and their connection to one another quartered the circle with me in its center. The psychic shields I could build had nothing on what gifts of love and spoils of war offered. I knew I wasn’t invincible, but in that armor, carrying that sword, I thought I might be the best me possible.

That other Joanne, the one who called herself Siobhán, could never have had all of these things because she’d never met Gary, not the way I knew him, and she never would have fought Cernunnos the way I did the first time I faced him.

Something very like joy surged through me, and I slammed my rapier into the god’s sword, knocking it aside. Then, because I was an idiot and suddenly full of piss and vinegar, I scrambled to my feet. I didn’t know what the hell his problem was, but he’d started it. That was fine. I’d finish it. I did the classic “c’mon, buster” hand thing, with my palm turned toward myself and my fingers crooking in invitation.

And the master of the Hunt, who wasn’t any brighter than I was, drove his heels into the silver stallion’s sides, accepting the challenge. The animal leaped at me with an outraged scream. I shrieked and flung myself to the side as Cernunnos’s sword went whistling over my head. Next time I pick a fight with a god, remind me to make sure he gets off his horse first.