Raging spirits like Matilda had a memory, however feeble, of what they’d been. The things crawling from their graves had less than that, only an echo of that memory. If the spirit world had stroke victims, zombies might qualify: they were empty, but they remembered they hadn’t always been, and they had no idea how to become more again. Looking at them was looking into a black hole of desperation and loathing, so thick I could drown in it; so thick they could only move slowly as they struggled through it toward us. Worse, I could feel myself slowing as I watched, their deadly ichor reaching for me and drawing me down.

I shuddered and shoved the Sight away, trusting normal vision to hold out against their insidious encroachment longer than magical vision could. “On the count of three, Suzy, I want you to run like hell for Petite.”

“For what?”

I bared my teeth at the zombies, not wanting to waste time turning to show Suzanne the expression. Besides, it wasn’t her fault. Her set of vast psychic powers included future-tripping, not mind reading. I wondered if anybody actually could read minds, then dragged mine back to the topic at hand. “My car. The purple Mustang outside the gates.” I dipped my hand into my front left pocket and dangled the keys behind me. “She’s solid steel. Hopefully that’ll keep the zombies out.”

“Steel windows, too?” Suzy asked with more sarcasm than I thought a girl about to be eaten by zombies should be able to command. I growled and she cocked the shotgun again, then muttered, “Okay, okay.”

“Bring Doherty with you.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to cover your retreat.”

“That,” Suzanne announced disdainfully, “is a stupid plan. We should all run together.”

“Suzy, I don’t know if these things can move faster than they’re doing right now. I’d really rather not find out by turning our backs on them. Don’t you watch horror movies?” The fact that I didn’t seemed supremely irrelevant. You didn’t have to actually watch them to know you should never turn your back on the bad guys.

“Yes,” she said acerbically, “and the first thing that happens is all the idiots in the movie split up so the monsters can pick them off one by one.”

Shit. She was right. I shot a glance over my shoulder to meet her defiant glare, and groaned. “Okay, you win. All together. You’ve got the ranged weapon, though, so I’m staying in front.”

“What about me?” Doherty asked.

I risked another glare over my shoulder. “You can cower and let the hot chicks with weaponry protect you, or you can play bait and run toward the zombies while we run for the car.”

Doherty cowered. I muttered, “Thought so,” and turned back to our opponents under the cover of Suzanne’s scream and a blast from the shotgun.

Zombies, for the record, do not die from a face full of rock salt. They do, however, get blinded by it, which makes it a lot easier to stuff a glowing blue sword into their throats and rip their half-attached heads off. I wasn’t sure if that would stop one for good, but the one who’d attacked fell down, and that was a good start. Better yet, one of the monsters immediately behind it fell on its…corpse, for lack of a better word. I knew better, but I let the Sight come back for a moment so I could watch and confirm my suspicions.

The second zombie snatched and gobbled at the flickering bits of memory that had taunted the first. Apparently they didn’t care much where their psychic food came from, so if we could create even a feeble wall of dead zombies—that was a Department of Redundancy Department phrase if I’d ever heard one—we might win ourselves a little time to make good an escape.

We got busy. My rapier made an absolutely gorgeous slash of brilliance against the fading light, magic pouring through it and burning away any gook or gunk that might have been inclined to darken its glory. Suzy took one step back with every blast of the shotgun, and Doherty…

Well, Doherty screamed like a little girl every time the gun roared and every time another body fell, but honestly, I couldn’t blame him. My own hands were slick with sweat and my stomach was roiling like I’d drunk half a gallon of seawater. The only reason I wasn’t joining him in the histrionics was Suzy’d bitch-slap me but good. That didn’t really make me feel any better about myself.

All of a sudden we’d made a little wall of zombie bodies, and those coming on from behind it were brawling, more eager for the scraps left by their fallen brethren than for us. Apparently the movies had gotten that right, too: zombies weren’t known for their scintillating wit, or one of them would’ve realized we were much tastier tidbits. The three of us stood there, breathless with surprise and relief, for about a nanosecond. Then our own scintillating wit caught up and we turned and ran like hell.

A faceless zombie lurched toward us from the side, too far from the original emptied graves to be distracted by the half dozen we’d downed. Suzy screamed and blasted it, and I jumped on top of it to chop its head off. Rapiers weren’t really meant for chopping, but I did a damn fine job even so. After a couple seconds I realized Suzy’s screams had words in them: “Can’t you do something about these things?”

Sheer mindless irrationality rose up in me and I flung my hands in the air. “I’m sorry! Somehow I forgot to pack the scarab launcher into Petite’s trunk this morning!”

“The what?” Suzanne dropped the shotgun’s barrels toward the ground and stared at me.

“The scarab launcher! You know! Scarabs eat flesh, zombies are flesh, so you fill a bazooka with scarabs and launch them and poof, no more zombies?” I sounded hysterical. Well, that stood to reason. I was hysterical. I was doing better than Doherty, though, who was crawling toward the gate, sobbing. Okay, now I felt sorry for the poor bastard. Not even an insurance adjudicator who was trying to screw me out of my claim deserved zombie attacks or the other peculiarities that were part of my life. I didn’t envy him the upcoming therapy bills.

Suzy, on the other hand, came to a full stop and gaped at me, far from looking as if she needed therapy. In fact, she looked like a young Norse goddess of some kind, her hair all tangled around her face and real strength in her slim body. Her green eyes glowed with admiration, which seemed all wrong, under the circumstances. “Scarab launchers,” she said with great sincerity. “That’s the most awesome idea I’ve ever heard.”

I said, “Thank you,” breathlessly, and then, because for once I felt a little too honest for my own good, I added, “I read it on the Internet.”

“I am totally getting a scarab launcher when we get out of here.” “She shot a look toward the zombies, then toward the gate, and said, “Which I kinda think we oughta do now.”

I picked Doherty up by the belt, and we ran for the gates.

Doherty stayed in Petite’s backseat where I threw him. Suzy, with whom I was growing more impressed by the moment, snatched up the bag of rock salt and poured it across the cemetery’s gated entrance as I slammed the gate itself shut. “Iron and salt,” she said with astonishing satisfaction. “That ought to keep them in.”

I wailed, “What, you just know that? I had to study to learn that! Does everyone but me just come pre-programmed with weird esoteric knowledge?”

Suzy, grinning, jerked a thumb toward Petite and Doherty. “You’re not the only one. He’s doing a lot worse than you are.”

Somehow that didn’t make me feel much better. Trusting Suzy and her shotgun and the salt-lined iron gate, I ran back into the chapel to discover I’d left the water bottle somewhere on the wrong side of the gate. Feeling like a complete moron, I stuffed my rapier through a belt loop and sank my cupped hands into the font, scooping up as much water as I could hold. There wasn’t much left by the time I raced back outside, but it was enough to throw through the gate and watch what happened to the zombies who’d made their way toward it.