‘No more games!’ hissed Tiffany, lowering the stick.

The goat stood as still as a log. Tiffany milked her out, took the pail back into the dairy, weighed it, chalked up the amount on the slate by the door, and tipped the milk into a big bowl.

The rest of the goats were nearly as bad, but a herd learns fast.

Altogether they gave three gallons, which was pretty pitiful for ten goats. Tiffany chalked this up without enthusiasm and stood staring at it, fiddling with the chalk. What was the point of this? Yesterday she’d been full of plans for experimental cheeses, but now cheese was dull.

Why was she here, doing silly chores, helping people too stupid to help themselves? She could be doing… anything!

She looked down at the scrubbed wooden table.

Someone had written on the wood in chalk. And the piece of chalk was still in her hand—

‘Petulia’s come to see you, dear,’ said Miss Level, behind her.

Tiffany quickly shifted a milking bucket over the words and turned round guiltily.

‘What?’ she said. ‘Why?’

‘Just to see if you’re all right, I think,’ said Miss Level, watching Tiffany carefully.

The dumpy girl stood very nervously on the doorstep, her pointy hat in her hands.

‘Um, I just thought I ought to see how you, um, are…’ she muttered, looking Tiffany squarely in the boots. ‘Um, I don’t think anyone really wanted to be unkind…’

‘You’re not very clever and you’re too fat,’ said Tiffany. She stared at the round pink face for a moment and knew things. ‘And you still have a teddy bear help me and you believe in fairies.’

She slammed the door, went back to the dairy and stared at the bowls of milk and curds as if she were seeing them for the first time.

Good with Cheese. That was one of the things everyone remembered about her: Tiffany Aching, brown hair, Good with Cheese. But now the dairy looked all wrong and unfamiliar.

She gritted her teeth. Good with Cheese. Was that really what she wanted to be? Of all the things people could be in the world, did she want to be known just as a dependable person to have around rotted milk? Did she really want to spend all day scrubbing slabs and washing pails and plates and… and… and that weird wire thing just there, that—

…cheese-cutter…

–that cheese-cutter? Did she want her whole life to—

Hold on…

‘Who’s there?’ said Tiffany. ‘Did someone just say “cheese-cutter”?’

She peered around the room, as if someone could be hiding behind the bundles of dried herbs. It couldn’t have been Oswald. He’d gone, and he never spoke in any case.

Tiffany grabbed the pail, spat on her hand and rubbed out the chalked

–tried to rub it out. But her hand gripped the edge of the table and held it firmly, no matter how much she pulled. She flailed with her left hand, managing to knock over a pail of milk, which washed across the letters… and her right hand let go suddenly…

The door was pushed open. Both of Miss Level was there. When she pulled herself together like that, standing side by side, it was because she felt she had something important to say.

‘I have to say. Tiffany, that I think—’

‘—you were very nasty to Petulia just—’

‘—now. She went off crying.’

She stared at Tiffany’s face. ‘Are you all right, child?’

Tiffany shuddered. ‘Er… yes. Fine. Feel a bit odd. Heard a voice in my head. Gone now.’

Miss Level looked at her with her heads on one side, right and left in different directions.

‘If you’re sure, then. I’ll get changed. We’d better leave soon. There’s a lot to do today.’

‘A lot to do,’ said Tiffany weakly.

‘Well, yes. There’s Slapwick’s leg, and I’ve got to see to the sick Grimly baby, and it’s been a week since I’ve visited Surleigh Bottom, and, let’s see, Mr Plover’s got Gnats again, and I’d better just find a moment to have a word with Mistress Slopes… then there’s Mr Weavall’s lunch to cook, I think I’ll have to do that here and run down with it for him, and of course Mrs Fanlight is near her time and,’ she sighed, ‘so is Miss Hobblow, again… It’s going to be a full day. It’s really hard to fit it all in, really it is.’

Tiffany thought: You stupid woman, standing there looking worried because you just haven’t got time to give people everything they demand! Do you think you could ever give them enough help? Greedy, lazy, dumb people, always wanting all the time! The Grimly baby? Mrs Grimly’s got eleven children! Who’d miss one?

Mr Weavall’s dead already! He just won’t go! You think they’re grateful, but all they are doing is making sure you come round again! That’s not gratitude, that’s just insurance!

The thought horrified part of her, but it had turned up and it flamed there in her head, just itching to escape from her mouth.

‘Things need tidying up here,’ she muttered.

‘Oh, I can do that while we’re gone,’ said Miss Level cheerfully. ‘Come on, let’s have a smile! There’s lots to do!’

There was always lots to do, Tiffany growled in her head as she trailed after Miss Level to the first village. Lots and lots. And it never made any difference. There was no end to the wanting.

They went from one grubby, smelly cottage to another, ministering to people too stupid to use soap, drinking tea from cracked cups, gossiping with old women with fewer teeth than toes. It made her feel ill.

It was a bright day, but it seemed dark as they walked on. The feeling was like a thunderstorm inside her head.

Then the daydreams began. She was helping to splint the arm of some dull child who’d broken it when she glanced up and saw her reflection in the glass of the cottage window.

She was a tiger, with huge fangs.

She yelped, and stood up.

‘Oh, do be careful,’ said Miss Level, and then saw her face. ‘Is there something wrong?’ she said.

‘I… I… something bit me!’ lied Tiffany. That was a safe bet in these places. The fleas bit the rats and the rats bit the children.

She managed to get out into the daylight, her head spinning. Miss Level came out a few minutes later and found her leaning against the wall, shaking.

‘You look dreadful,’ she said.

‘Ferns!’ said Tiffany. ‘Everywhere! Big ferns! And big things, like cows made out of lizards!’ She turned a wide, mirthless smile onto Miss Level, who took a step back. ‘You can eat them!’ She blinked. ‘What’s happening?’ she whispered.

‘I don’t know but I’m coming right down here this minute to fetch you,’ said Miss Level. ‘I’m on the broomstick right now!’

‘They laughed at me when I said I could trap one. Well, who’s laughing now, tell me that, eh?’

Miss Level’s expression of concern turned into something close to panic.

‘That didn’t sound like your voice. That sounded like a man! Do you feel all right?’

‘Feel… crowded,’ murmured Tiffany.

‘Crowded?’ said Miss Level.

‘Strange… memories… help me…’

Tiffany looked at her arm. It had scales on. Now it had hair on it. Now it was smooth and brown, and holding—

‘A scorpion sandwich?’ she said.

‘Can you hear me?’ said Miss Tick, her voice a long way away. ‘You’re delirious. Are you sure you girls haven’t been playing with potions or anything like that?’

The broomstick dropped out of the sky and the other part of Miss Level nearly fell off. Without speaking, both of Miss Level got Tiffany onto the stick and part of Miss Level got on behind her.

It didn’t take long to fly back to the cottage. Tiffany spent the flight with her mind full of hot cotton-wool and wasn’t at all certain where she was, although her body did know and threw up again.