Jake nodded. "I realize that, Judge.. A person who wants to cash a check must prove his identity—this is on all fours. But today we were taken by surprise."
"So was the Court—and, Alec, I'm going to take you by surprise someday...with something better than a pie bed or an exploding cigar. Damn it, you should have warned Court and Counsel."
"I apologize, Your Honor. I received my instructions quite late."
"You should have at once asked for a continuance, not let this hearing open. You know better. Never mind, the hearing has been instructive. Miss Smith—Miss Johann Sebastian Bach Smith subject to remarks above—you were made a ward of this Court and placed under the guardianship of Mr. Jacob Salomon for one reason alone:
You were at the time not competent to manage your affairs by reason of post-operative incapacity. Let the record show that neither insanity in the legal sense nor mental illness in the medical sense had anything to do with it; you were in an extended condition of unconsciousness following surgery and that was all. You are no longer unconscious, you appear to be in good health, and the Court takes judicial notice that during this hearing you appeared always to be alert and clearheaded. Since the sole condition—unconsciousness—on which you were made a ward no longer obtains, you are now no longer a ward and Mr. Salomon is discharged of his guardianship—what's the trouble, Alec?"
"May it please the Court!—as Counsel for the Petitioners I must ask to have an objection entered into the record."
"On what grounds?"
"Why, lack of expert witnesses as to, uh, ‘Miss Smith's' competence."
"Do you have expert witnesses ready to examine her?"
"Of course."
"Jake?"
"Certainly. Waiting on call."
"How many?"
"Harrumph! One more than Alec has, however many he qualifies."
"So I expected, and if we start qualifying expert witnesses now and let each one exercise his little ego, those fish in Nova Scotia would die of old age. Keep your shirt on, Alec. No expert witnesses were used to show this person's incompetence; the gross condition of unconsciousness was stipulated—and now no longer exists. Alec, your objection goes into the record but I am putting you on notice that your claim of need for expert witnesses lacks foundation~—and this time the burden of proof is on you. Petitioners will have to show something more than great anxiety to get their hands on the large sums of money at stake in this matter. Every citizen, every person, is conditionally presumed to be competent—and that means everyone—you, me, Jake, Miss Smith, Petitioners, and the illiterate who fills that bar and cleans out the empties. This Court will not set the extremely bad precedent of allowing you, or anyone, to conduct a fishing expedition into the matter of a person's competency without proper foundation. However— Jake."
"Yes, Judge."
"We all know what this hearing is really about. Money. Lots of money. You might explain to Miss Smith that her competence may he challenged at some later time."
"We're prepared for it."
"While I've discharged you as her guardian, you will stay on as conservator of the property of Johann Sebastian Bach Smith pending positive proof of identity—and I do mean positive; you've got to trace Smith's brain into this body every step of the way. What was the name of that surgeon? Boyle? I suppose you'll need him. And several others. I'm not going to take anything for granted, nor permit any stipulations; there is too much at stake and I don't intend to be reversed. Alec, if you are going to challenge competency, you will have to wait until after that time and—if it's in my court—show foundation for such challenge. That satisfy you?"
"I guess it will have to."
"I guess so, too. Court's adjourned."
Mrs. Seward stood up, red-faced, and said to Alec Train, "You're fired!"
McCampbell said coldly, "Madam, consider yourself lucky that you saved that outburst until after Court adjourned. Now, get out of my chambers. You other three ladies may leave, too."
Johanna's sister June said as she stood up: "Judge, may I ask a question?"
"Certainly, Mrs. Frabish."
"You've turned this person loose—that's all right, I'm not criticizing. But are you leaving her in our grandfather's house? I think you ought to know that it is loaded, simply loaded, with valuable works of art. What is to keep her from gutting it while we are proving that she can't be our grandfather?"
"Oh. Madam, Mr. Salomon knows the duties and responsibilities of a conservator. However—Jake, it would be prudent not to permit any objects of sentimental or artistic value to leave that house during this waiting period."
"No problem. Since I've had to manage the household, I've been staying there much of the time. But I'll have a word with Johann's chief guard."
"Judge, may I say something?"
"Certainly— Miss Smith."
"I'd like protection against them. June doesn't know what objets d'art I own. Not one of them has been inside my house since it was built. During my long illness and confinement not one of them called on me or sent flowers or anything. And the same for my post-surgery convalescence, except that I learned that Johanna—Mrs. Seward—tried to crash in right after my operation. I don't trust them; I'd like the Court's protection."
"Jake?"
"I wasn't there but I heard it from Johann's chief guard."
"Mrs. Seward?"
She sniffed. "I had a perfect right! Next of kin."
"I think I understand it. All right, you four ladies—listen carefully, then leave. You will refrain from visiting the home or offices or other properties of Johann Sebastian Bach Smith. You will refrain from making any attempt to see or to speak with this young lady I have been addressing as ‘Miss Smith.' If you need to communicate with her or with the Court's appointed conservator, Mr. Salomon, you will do so only through this Court or through your attorney, whoever he may be, to Mr. Salomon and never directly to Miss Smith. This is an order to all four of you and each of you will obey under pain of severe penalties for contempt. Do you understand? Are there any questions?"
McCampbell waited, then went on, "Very well. Now all four of you leave."
The Judge remained standing while they filed out. When the door sealed, he sighed. "Whew! Miss Smith—or should I say ‘Brother Schmidt'?—will you have that Glen Grant on rocks now? Glenlivet actually, I don't have Glen Grant."
She smiled. "Truly, I haven't tried anything that potent on this new body. Jake and I should leave—you and
Brother Alec have a date with a fish."
"Oh, do sit down. Alec has his gear in his car in the basement and my copter is picking us up from the roof in about an hour. Another Coke?"
"Is there sherry? I get a very pleasant buzz on just a glass of sherry—I conclude that my donor did not drink at all." (Almost never, Boss—and you're giving me a taste for the stuff.) (Quiet, darling—later.) (‘All right... but ask him about our name. Isn't Judgie Wudgie a darling? Wonder what he's like in bed?) (You and your one-track mind! I'll ask him about our name. Now shut up!)
"Sherry it shall be. Jake? Ned? Alec?"
"Judge, since Jake doesn't need me, I'll ask to be excused."
"Okay, Ned. Alec, serve yourself and take care of Jake; I want to stare at Brother Schmidt. I probably won't be seeing you again, Miss Smith. Your granddaughters are almost certain to try to move it into a higher court. That business of proving who you are by our fraternity grip—that tore it. All I could do today was to give you a little protection in the interim."
"Which I appreciated, sir. Here's an odd thing about this sex change. When I was an old man, frail and helpless, I was afraid of nothing. Now I'm young and healthy and strong. But female. To my surprise I find that I want to be protected."