But Dr. Lowell shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry. All we can do now is make his last days as pleasant as possible."

As pleasant as possible. Felicity turned that thought over in her mind. Obviously, her presence pleased her grandfather. She would give him as much of that as he desired. And she would ask him what else she could do to make him happy. And she would…

"Did you have any other questions?" Dr. Lowell asked solicitously.

With difficulty, Felicity dragged her attention back to the present. Any other questions? Suddenly she recalled the real reason she had summoned Dr. Lowell in the first place. "Yes, doctor, I… I would like to ask you something else. Something personal, not about my grandfather at all," she began with growing trepidation.

"Certainly," Dr. Lowell agreed, settling back in his chair as if prepared to stay all day and answer questions if it pleased her.

Felicity nervously twisted her hands in her lap as she searched her mind for the proper way to start. "I had a baby a few months ago," she began, feeling the prickle of tears at the memories. "He… he was…"

"The baby was stillborn," Josh supplied quietly, sparing her the distress of saying the words. "My wife had a very difficult time, and she almost died herself."

Dr. Lowell nodded his understanding. His dark eyes expressed his profound sympathy.

"What I want to know is, can I have another baby?" Felicity asked in anguish, hating the fact that she must discuss her tragedy with a stranger, but forcing herself to ignore her own pain in the hopes that this stranger might be able to help.

Dr. Lowell considered her question for a moment. "There is no simple answer to your question, Mrs. Logan. In the first place, I would need to know many more details about your labor and delivery, the condition of the child, and so on. Then I would have to examine you-"

"Examine me!" Felicity exclaimed. This was something she had never even considered.

"The hell you will!" Josh contradicted, lunging to his feet.

Dr. Lowell jumped up also, instantly defensive. "I assure you, Mr. Logan, there is nothing untoward-"

"You aren't going to examine her, and that's all there is to it," Josh declared.

Dr. Lowell seemed loath to argue the point. "Whatever you decide, of course," he said, backing toward the door. "If you change your mind-"

"We won't," Josh said, arms akimbo. Dr. Lowell made a hasty exit.

Felicity winced as the parlor door slammed shut. An examination. She wasn't sure just what an examination by a doctor would involve, having never had one before, but from Joshua's reaction, it must be quite unpleasant. How could she let a strange man look at her body, perhaps even touch it? But if that would mean she and Joshua could be together again, if it would mean they could have another child, she would endure anything. "Maybe it won't be so bad," she ventured.

"He's not going to lay a finger on you, Felicity," Josh decreed, pacing furiously around the room. "I saw the way he looked at you. Doctor or not, he's still a man, and I won't hear of it."

Felicity nodded numbly as she tried to sort out the ramifications of his statement. If the doctor couldn't examine her, then how would she ever find out if she could have another baby? She would never hold her own living child in her arms. The mere thought made her shudder. And if there could be no child, that meant she and Joshua could never make love again. How could they live together under those circumstances? And how long would it be before a young, healthy man like Joshua got tired of sleeping alone and sent his useless wife away? The possibilities were too horrible even to contemplate.

"Joshua, I… I want to have another baby," she began, fighting the sting of tears. She had to change his mind about the examination.

"Of course you do," Josh said, rushing to her side, his anger gone. "I do, too, but not if it will endanger your life," he said, going down on one knee beside her chair and taking her hands in his.

"But we don't know whether it will or not unless the doctor examines me…"

"Felicity, do you have any idea what that means?" he asked impatiently.

"I… I think so," she admitted reluctantly, not wanting to think about it.

"Are you willing to lie there, naked, and let that man put his hands on you?" Josh asked in quiet outrage at the very thought.

The idea horrified her, but she could endure it, she knew. "But what if the doctor tells me I can have another baby?" she argued.

"He won't," Josh said sadly.

"How do you know?" she insisted. "Nobody knows until-"

"I know," he insisted. "Look at me, Lissy."

Startled by his command, Felicity stared at him.

"Look at me," he repeated, his voice raw. "And then look at yourself. I'm twice as big as you are. That's what caused the problem in the first place. The baby, my baby, was too big for you, and it almost killed you. Don't you understand? Any baby I give you will be too big. No doctor in the world can change that."

"Oh, Joshua," she cried as his image blurred before her. She had known that, but she simply hadn't let herself believe it before. Hearing it again from his own lips was too awful, too final, and she did not think she could bear it.

And then his arms were around her, cradling her as she sobbed out her anguish. Somehow he lifted her and then she was in his lap, her tears soaking into his shirt. Those tears should have brought release, but instead they seemed to scald her very soul, defying even the comfort that Joshua offered.

Josh held her fiercely, silently cursing the powers that had given them each other and then snatched away their chance at happiness. As he muffled her sobs against his chest, he wondered how much tragedy one so tiny could absorb. First she had lost her father and then their child. Then came the news about her grandfather and now this. How much could she endure without shattering?

At that moment he would have given his life to protect her from even one more moment's misery. Unfortunately, no one was willing to make such a trade with him. "Don't cry, Ussy," he murmured into her hair as his hands tried to soothe her.

But his attempt to comfort only made her cry harder. "I love you so much, so very much," she cried brokenly, overwhelmed by his tenderness.

Josh closed his own eyes over the sting of tears, understanding her feelings only too well. The word "love" no longer described the depth of what he felt for her. Unable to find any words that did, he simply whispered, "I know," and held her even more tightly.

For a long time they sat like that until Felicity was too weak even to cry anymore. Then Joshua carried her upstairs and put her in bed. His tender solicitude sent new, silent tears trickling down her cheeks, but he wiped those away and ordered her to sleep.

"Don't think about it anymore," he urged as he kissed her gently. "Just rest now." With that he closed the draperies and left her alone in the darkened room.

She did not sleep and she did not forget, but after a while the pain receded enough that she thought she might be able to bear it. By evening, she had even regained her composure. She had her grandfather to consider, after all. If she wanted to make his last days pleasant, she could not spend her time weeping over something she could not change. At least she still had Joshua. That was more than many women had. Somehow they would make a good life together.

When Joshua climbed into their bed and put his arms around her that night, she whispered, "I love you. I know everything will work out."

He said nothing to disillusion her.

The thing Felicity liked best about Philadelphia was how close everything was to everything else. The first Saturday night after their fancy clothes arrived, Richard took Josh and Felicity to the Walnut Street Theater-only a short carriage ride away-to see the play Divorce.