Tabbi goes to the easel and takes down a tablet of drawing paper. She brings the paper and a charcoal pencil and puts them on the blankets beside her mother, saying, “For in case you get inspiration.”
And Misty gives her a slow-motion kiss on the forehead.
Between the cast and the necklace, Misty feels pinned to the bed. Staked out. A sacrifice. An anchoress.
Then Grace takes Tabbi’s hand and they go out to Dr. Touchet in the hallway. The door closes. It’s so quiet, Misty’s not sure if she hears right. But there’s an extra little click.
And Misty calls, “Grace?” Misty calls, “Tabbi?” In slow motion, Misty says, “Hey there? Hello?” Just for the record, they’ve locked her in.
THE FIRST TIME Misty wakes up after her accident, her pubic hair’s gone and a catheter is inside her, snaking down her good leg to a clear plastic bag hooked to the bedpost. Bands of white surgical tape strap the tube to her leg skin.
Dear sweet Peter, nobody has to tell you how that feels.
Dr. Touchet’s been at work again.
Just for the record, waking up on drugs with your pubic hair shaved and something plastic stuck in your vagina doesn’t necessarily make you a real artist.
If it did, Misty would be painting the Sistine Chapel. Instead she’s wadding up another wet sheet of 140-pound watercolor paper. Outside her little dormer window, the sun’s baking the sand on the beach. The waves hiss and burst. Seagulls tremble, hanging in the wind, hovering white kites, while kids make sand castles and splash in the rising tide.
It would be one thing to trade all her sunny days for a masterpiece, but this . . . her day’s been just one shitty smeared mistake after another. Even with her full-leg cast and her little bag of piss, Misty wants to be outside. As an artist, you organize your life so you get a chance to paint, a window of time, but that’s no guarantee you’ll create anything worth all your effort. You’re always haunted by the idea you’re wasting your life.
The truth is, if Misty were on the beach, she’d be looking up at this window, dreaming of being a painter.
The truth is, wherever you choose to be, it’s the wrong place.
Misty’s half standing at her easel, balanced on a tall stool, looking out the window toward Waytansea Point, Tabbi’s sitting in the patch of sunlight at her feet, coloring her cast with felt-tipped pens. That’s what hurts. It’s bad enough Misty spent most of her childhood hiding indoors, coloring in books, dreaming of being an artist. Now she’s modeling this bad behavior for her kid. All the mud pies Misty missed baking, now Tabbi’s going to miss. Whatever it is teenagers do. All the kites Misty didn’t fly, the games of tag Misty skipped, all the dandelions Misty didn’t pick, Tabbi is making her same mistake.
The only flowers Tabbi’s seen, she found with her grandmother, painted around the rim of a teacup.
School starts in a few weeks, and Tabbi’s still so pale from staying inside.
Misty’s brush making another mess on the page in front of her, Misty says, “Tabbi honey?”
Tabbi sits, rubbing a red pen on the cast. The resin and cloth is so thick, Misty can’t feel a thing.
Misty’s smock is one of Peter’s old blue work shirts with a rusted fur clip of fake rubies on the front pocket. Fake rubies and glass diamonds. Tabbi’s brought the box of dress-up jewelry, all the junk brooches and bracelets and single earrings that Peter gave Misty in school.
That you gave your wife.
Misty’s wearing your shirt, and she tells Tabbi, “Why don’t you run outside for a few hours?”
Tabbi switches the red pen for a yellow one, and she says, “Granmy Wilmot said for me not to.” Coloring, Tabbi says, “She told me to stay with you as long as you’re awake.”
This morning, Angel Delaporte’s brown sports car pulled into the hotel’s gravel parking lot. Wearing a wide straw beach hat, Angel got out and walked up to the front porch. Misty kept expecting Paulette to come up from the front desk and say she had a visitor, but no. A half hour later, Angel came out the hotel’s front doors and walked down the porch steps. With one hand, he held his hat in place as he tilted his head back and scanned the hotel windows, the clutter of signs and logos. Corporate graffiti. Competing immortalities. Then Angel put on his sunglasses, slipped into his sports car, and drove away.
In front of her is another painted mess. Her perspective is all wrong.
Tabbi says, “Granmy told me to help you get inspired.”
Instead of painting, Misty should be teaching her child some skill—bookkeeping or cost analysis or television repair. Some realistic way she can pay her bills.
Sometime after Angel Delaporte drove away, Detective Stilton drove up in a plain beige county government car. He walked into the hotel, then went back to his car a few minutes later. He stood in the parking lot, shading his eyes with one hand, staring up at the hotel, looking from window to window, but not seeing her. Then he drove away.
The mess in front of her, the colors are running and smudged. The trees could be microwave relay towers. The ocean could be volcano lava or cold chocolate pudding or just six bucks’ worth of gouache watercolors, wasted. Misty tears off the sheet and wads it into a ball. Her hands are almost black with wadding up her failures all day. Her head aches. Misty closes her eyes and presses a hand to her forehead, where she feels it stick with wet paint.
Misty drops the wadded painting on the floor.
And Tabbi says, “Mom?”
Misty opens her eyes.
Tabbi’s colored birds and flowers down the length of her cast. Blue birds and red robins and red roses.
When Paulette brings up their lunch on a room service cart, Misty asks if anyone has tried to phone from the front desk. Paulette shakes out the cloth napkin and tucks it into the collar of the blue work shirt. She says, “Sorry, nobody.” She takes the warming cover off a plate of fish and says, “Why do you ask?”
And Misty says, “No reason.”
Now, sitting here with Tabbi, with flowers and birds crayoned on her leg, Misty knows she’ll never be an artist. The picture she sold Angel, it was a fluke. An accident. Instead of crying, Misty just pees a few drips into her plastic tube.
And Tabbi says, “Close your eyes, Mom.” She says, “Color with your eyes closed, like you did on my birthday picnic.”
Like she did when she was little Misty Marie Kleinman. Her eyes closed on the shag carpet in the trailer.
Tabbi leans close and whispers, “We were hiding in the trees and peeking at you.” She says, “Granmy said we had to let you get inspiration.”
Tabbi goes to the dresser and gets the roll of masking tape that Misty uses to hold paper on the easel. She tears off two strips and says, “Now close your eyes.”
Misty has nothing to lose. She can indulge her kid. Her work couldn’t get any worse. Misty closes her eyes.
And Tabbi’s little fingers press a strip of tape over each eyelid.
The way her father’s eyes are taped shut. To keep them from drying out.
Your eyes are taped shut.
In the dark, Tabbi’s fingers put a pencil in Misty’s hand. You can hear as she sets a drawing pad on the easel and lifts the cover sheet. Then her hands take Misty’s and carry the pencil until it touches the paper.
The sun from the window feels warm. Tabbi’s hand lets go, and her voice in the dark says, “Now draw your picture.”
And Misty’s drawing, the perfect circles and angles, the straight lines Angel Delaporte says are impossible. Just by the feeling, it’s perfect and right. What it is, Misty has no idea. The way a stylus moves itself across a Ouija board, the pencil takes her hand back and forth across the paper so fast Misty has to grip it tight. Her automatic writing.