"So if the statement says something else, then the statement is wrong?"

I was in a minefield now; I kept walking.

"Yes, it is."

"But you signed the statement, didn't you?"

He was taking his time. I looked right at him.

"Yes, I did."

"Did you have a chance to read it over?"

"Yes, I did."

"Did they review it with you before you signed it?"

This was excruciating.

"They didn't review it. They gave it to me to read."

"Who are they?" he asked belligerently. He checked a note he'd made. He was grandstanding now. "You've had fourteen years of school," he said, "and you read it, and that was no problem, and you understood it all?"

"Yes, I did."

"Your testimony today is that you were sure that that is true. Even if the statement on October the fifth doesn't say that-"

Mastine objected. "Perhaps we could have a question and answer?"

"Sustained," said Gorman.

"Do you recall," Paquette began again, "saying in the statement to the police, 'I had a feeling that the black male-' "

Mastine stood. "I will object to the counsel reading from the statement or using the statement to impeach credibility; reading from the statement is improper, and in fact I object to it on that basis-"

"He could read from the statement," Gorman said to Mastine. "I believe, Mr. Paquette, you should form the question something like this, 'Do you recall giving the statement to the police, on such and such a date?' and read the statement. If you would, please."

"Sure," Paquette said. Some of his steam had been lost.

"Do you recall giving the statement to the police on October fifth?"

"Yes."

"Do you recall telling the police that 'I had a feeling that the black male might be the person that raped me last May in Thorden Park'?"

I had caught on to the game now. "I would like to see a copy of it just to be sure," I said.

"Sure, be happy to. I would ask that this be marked as defendant's C for identification, the statement made by Alice Sebold on October fifth.

"I ask you to review the statement and ask you if that refreshes your recollection as to the information you gave at the time?"

I scanned the contents of my affidavit. Immediately I saw the problem.

"Okay," I said.

"Did you advise the police in that statement that you were sure-"

I interrupted him. Suddenly I knew that the last few minutes were ones I could wrestle back from him.

"The reason why I said that I had a feeling at that point was because I had only seen his back and his mannerisms at that point. I was sure when I saw his face on the second time, when I was on the other side of the street. I had a feeling, because of his build and mannerisms on the first time, when I saw him from the back, but since I had then not seen his face at that time, I was not sure. When I saw his face I was sure that that was the man who raped me on May eighth."

"This statement was made after you had seen him both times on Marshall Street, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was. They asked me to describe it and in chronological order, which I did."

"Does that statement in any way reflect a change in your stance from 'might be' to 'is'?"

"No, it does not."

"Thank you." He acted as if he had won something. He wanted out of that line of questioning and he took what he could get. He opted to muddy the water. Wasn't it clear from all this feeling to sure, might be to is that I was too confused to be believed?

"By the way," he said, reapproaching again, "on the day of the lineup in November, were there people from the Rape Crisis Center present in the building?"

"Yes, there were."

"Had you had counsel with them just prior to the lineup?"

"Counsel?"

"Did you talk to them and were they available?"

"Yes. She accompanied me to the Public Safety Building."

"As soon as you left the lineup, were they still available to you?"

"Yes, she was."

"She was?"

"Yes."

"You talked to her before and you talked to her after; is that right?"

"Yes."

"Are they here today? Is there anyone from the Rape Crisis Center here today?"

"No, they are not."

"They are neither in the courtroom or in the building?"

"No."

Paquette hadn't liked the point Mastine had made earlier, that Paquette, by not allowing Tricia in the room, could himself have had a hand in undermining the lineup as evidence.

"Now, there was a lineup procedure held, wasn't there?"

"Yes, there was."

"I believe that that was on November fourth?"

"Yes, it was."

"Do you remember an Investigator Lorenz being there?"

"Yes, I do."

"Had you recognized him from seeing him before?"

"Yes, I had."

"Where had you recognized him from?"

"He is the man who took my affidavit on May eighth."

"Did he ever tell you that he didn't believe the statement that you made on May eighth?"

I did not stop. Neither Gail nor Mastine had told me that Lorenz initially doubted me.

"No, he did not."

"Do you remember him advising you in any way when you first came into the lineup room?"

"He told me that my duty was to look at the five men and mark the box as to which one was the man in question."

"Do you recall who else was in the lineup room?"

I went through my head, reimagining the room and the bodies in it. "Mrs. Uebelhoer, the court stenographer, or the room stenographer-I don't know what you call them-and the other man was sitting there, and he did something, and me."

"Do you recall-"

"Yes, you."

His tone had switched suddenly. He was fatherly, shepherding. I didn't trust him.

"Do you remember an Investigator Lorenz advising you to take your time and look the people over and feel free to move around?"

"Yes. I do remember that."

"Do you recall me asking the investigator to explain to you how to-"

"Excuse me?"

"Do you recall me asking the investigator to explain to you how you should use the form?" His smile was almost benevolent.

"I don't recall you specifically," I said.

"You remember he did tell you that?"

"Somebody told me how to use it."

"In fact," he said, his smile gone now, "you did stand up and move around the room?"

"Yes."

"Didn't you even have the suspects make some sort of a motion; I think you had each of them turn to their left? Do you remember that?"

"Yes, I did."

"The investigator had each do that-'Number one, turn to your left'-and you remember that?"

He was dragging this out; it was his job to.

"Yes."

"At the end of that procedure, what did you do? What was the next thing that happened?"

"I counted down to four and five, and I chose five because he was looking at me."

"You chose number five?"

"Yes. I put the X in the box for five." I would say it a thousand times; I had done it.

"You signed that?"

"Yes, I did."

"Did you express in words, in that room, at that time, to anyone, any concern in your mind over it not being number five?"

"I didn't say a word in the room."

"You knew that by marking number five that what you were indicating was that he would be a suspect or might well be a suspect in a rape trial?"

"Yes." It seemed the wrongs I'd done were endless.

"So it wasn't until after you left the room that you discovered that number five wasn't the person that you should have picked?"

"No. I went to my rape crisis counselor and I said number four and five looked like identical twins. That is what I did."

"You didn't express that to anyone beforehand?"

"I did it in the room, and before that I hadn't seen them and I couldn't."

He didn't wish to linger long enough to clarify. I had meant the conference room this time, not the lineup room.