He didn’t look at me. “No, I didn’t.”

“But you helped.”

He let out a shuddering sigh and met my gaze. Horror and pain swam in his eyes, but his voice was firm and sure. “You would have gotten yourself killed if I hadn’t. I had to choose between you and your father. I chose you.”

Who was this man who stood beside me? Was he the same man who’d gone ape shit over the death of Dr. Neely? He was the law-abiding citizen, the goody-two-shoes who always did the right thing. For Christ’s sake, he was the lawyer who hated lying!

I couldn’t deal with the paradox that was the man I’d thought I’d known, so I put some distance between us and nagged the cops to let me go home. Eventually, they did, after Adam pulled off my bumper so it wouldn’t drag. The car was driveable, and I promised I’d get it to the shop tomorrow. I didn’t offer to give Brian a ride home.

I probably wasn’t the safest driver on the road that night. Luckily, it was late and the streets nearly deserted, because I had barely a tenth of my concentration on the road. My brain was on betrayal overload, although both my betrayers tonight had no doubt thought they were doing the right thing.

I shook that thought off as soon as it crossed my mind. Killing Der Jäger might have been the right thing, and I could excuse Brian’s methods even if I couldn’t forgive them. But Lugh hadn’t had to put me in that damned oubliette, no matter how pissed off he might have been!

I had to keep you from breaking my control, his voice whispered in my mind. I didn’t do it to hurt you.

I almost rammed into a parked car. “Shut the fuck up!” I snarled. For once, he actually listened to me.

My intention had been to go home, crawl into bed, and sleep for as long as I could manage to stay unconscious. Usually, the more miserable I am, the more desperately I want to be alone. But just this once, I couldn’t stand the idea of being alone with my thoughts. I knew Andy hadn’t forgiven me for siccing Adam on him, but there was no one else I could go to for comfort just now.

It was almost three in the morning by the time I reached his apartment, but there was light shining under his door. I knocked softly, hoping not to wake any of the other residents.

He answered the door quickly enough to let me know he hadn’t been asleep, though he was dressed in pajamas and had a bad case of bed-head. He ushered me into his apartment without a word, which was a good thing because I couldn’t think of anything to say.

He disappeared into the kitchen, then returned carrying two glasses with a couple fingers of amber liquid apiece. I made a face because I hated the taste of hard liquor, but I took the glass when he handed it to me. We both drained the contents in a single gulp, though I coughed and sputtered for about ten minutes afterward.

When I finally had the air to speak again, I stared at the glass in my hands and asked, “Did Adam call you about…?”

I heard the sound of his glass clinking on the coffee table, but I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the single drop of liquid that remained in the bottom of mine.

“Yeah.” Andy’s voice sounded hoarse, either from sleep, from grief, or from hard liquor.

A tear rolled down my cheek and dripped into my glass. Andy gently pried the glass from my fingers, then put an arm around my shoulders. That was all the encouragement I needed to let down my guard, to let my grief and pain batter and buffet me. He held me and rocked me, the perfect big brother even though he must have been grief-stricken himself. After all, he’d never had the problems I’d had with our father, and had always been closer to him than I had.

“Tell me the whole story,” he urged when the storm seemed close to subsiding.

And so I did, my voice stuttering along between hiccups and sobs. I told him how Raphael had betrayed me to Der Jäger. I told him how Brian had betrayed me to Lugh. And I told him how Lugh had given me firsthand experience in the oubliette that Adam had once described to me.

When I thought of the oubliette, a hint of anger stirred in my center, fighting its way up through the grief, then taking hold and growing. I seized it with the desperation of a drowning woman. Anger is so much easier, so much more comfortable for me than grief. I wanted to get good and pissed, so that at least for a few minutes, I wouldn’t have to feel the pain.

“I will never forgive him for doing that to me,” I declared, and was more thankful than I could say that Lugh didn’t interject any commentary in my brain.

Andy met my eyes, his expression both grave and guarded. “He was doing what he thought was best.”

Outrage swelled in my chest. “Don’t you dare defend him! You’re supposed to be on my side.”

A faint smile curled his lips. “I am on your side. I’m just trying to point out—”

“No! I don’t care why he did it. I don’t care if it’s some kind of abstract ‘right thing.’ He used me, just like any other demon uses and abuses its host. He pretends he’s better than the rest of them, that he cares about human rights, and it’s all bullshit!” I heard my voice rising and forced myself to quiet down for the sake of the neighbors. “I used to think he was different. I was wrong.”

Andy shook his head. “Lugh is different. He’s one of the good guys, and I think you know it, even if you’re angry with him.”

Now I was beginning to be as pissed at Andy as I was at Lugh. “Last time I talked about Lugh, you were warning me to be careful of him and telling me he was just like all the rest. What’s gotten into you?”

He shrugged. “I just have a little more perspective now.” He fixed me with a pointed stare. “If I offered to take Lugh from you, would you do it?”

The question sucked all the air out of my lungs, and it took a moment for me to find my voice. “Are you offering?”

“Let’s say I am. Would you give him to me?”

My head felt about two sizes too big, and I couldn’t make sense of what was happening. Was he offering to take Lugh, or wasn’t he?

Andy smiled. “If you hated him as much as you claim, that wouldn’t be a hard question.”

I grunted. “I’m just trying to figure out if you mean it or not.”

He rolled his eyes. “You are such a hard case, Morgan.” He reached out and grabbed my hand. “Yes, I mean it. Will you give him to me?”

Lugh had to be in control to transfer to a different host, but all I’d have to do is take a little nap and Lugh could surface and move out of my life. “He might not leave me even if I tried to give him to you,” I said.

“Are you fooling yourself? Because you’re not fooling me. Will you give him to me?”

I swallowed hard. Andy had always wanted to be a hero. That’s why he’d chosen to be a demon host in the first place. After his experiences with Raphael, he’d seemed to have soured on the idea, but perhaps the desire was too deeply ingrained in him to disappear entirely. If he was determined to be a hero, he’d be a hell of a lot safer with a demon to protect his fragile human body.

And hell, after living with Raphael for ten years, living with Lugh would be a piece of cake. Yeah, I was mad at Lugh, but I had to admit that between him and Raphael, he was very much the lesser of two evils. I could let Andy be the hero he’d always wanted to be, and I could let my life return to a semblance of normalcy. Had it been only a week ago that Andy had awakened from his catatonia and I had dreamed of doing just that?

It was on the tip of my tongue to agree, to take the unbearably heavy burden on my shoulders and shrug it off onto someone else.

But as Lugh had reminded me more than once, there was so much more at stake than just my own life. Lugh might find it inconvenient that he couldn’t control me as he could any other human host, but there were advantages to our partnership. As long as I was his host, no one would ever be able to find him, because no one can tell I’m possessed. That wouldn’t be the case with Andy. I wasn’t only Lugh’s host, I was his refuge as well.