Television was hustling in, and we discussed its possible effects. Nuclear-armed intercontinental missiles were on their way, but nobody imagined they could be used for anything except the crudest exchange of destructions. Overpopulation was in the news but would soon be forgotten. Penicillin and DDT were unqualified friends to man. Conservation meant preserving certain areas in their natural states and, if you were sophisticated about such matters, contour plowing on hillsides. Smog was in Los Angeles and occasionally London. The ocean, immortal mother of all, would forever receive and cleanse our wastes. Space flight was for the next century, when an eccentric millionaire might finance a project. Computers were few, large, expensive, and covered with blinking lights. If you followed the science news, you knew a little about transistors, and perhaps looked forward to seeing cheap, pocket-sized radios in the hands of Americans; they could make no difference to a peasant in India or Africa. All contraceptives were essentially mechanical. The gene was a locus on the chromosome. Unless he blasted himself back to the Stone Age, man was committed to the machine.

Put yourself in 1951, if you can, if you dare, and read as I did that jape on the first page of which appeared the notice “Copyright © 1970 by John F. Havig.”

WITHIT’S COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY

Activist: A person employing tactics in the cause of liberation which, when used by a fascist, are known as McCarthyism and repression.

Aggression: Any foreign policy advocated by a fascist.

Black: Of whole or partial sub-Saharan African descent; from the skin color, which ranges from brown to ivory. Not to be confused with Brown, Red, White, or Yellow. This word replaces the former “Negro,” which today is considered insulting since it means “Black.”

Bombing: A method of warfare which delivers high explosives from the air, condemned because of its effects upon women, children, the aged, the sick, and other noncombatants, unless these happen to have resided in Berlin, Hamburg, Dresden, Tokyo, Osaka, etc., though not Hiroshima or Nagasaki. Cf. missile.

Brown: Of Mexican descent; from the skin color, which ranges from brown to ivory. Not to be confused with Black, Red, White, or Yellow.

Brutality: Any action taken by a policeman. Cf. pig.

Chauvinism: Belief of any Western White man that there is anything to be said for his country, civilization, race, sex, or self. Chauvinist: Any such man; hence, by extension, a fascist of any nationality, race, or sex.

Colonialist: Anyone who believes that any European — or North American-descended person has any right to remain in any territory outside Europe or North America where his ancestors happened to settle, unless these were Russian. Cf. native.

Concentration camp: An enclosed area into which people suspect to their government or to an occupying power are herded. No progressive country or liberation movement can operate a concentration camp, since by definition these have full support of the people. NB: Liberals consider it impolite to mention Nisei in this connection.

Conformist: One who accepts establishment values without asking troublesome questions. Cf. nonconformist.

Conservative: See aggression, bombing, brutality, chauvinism, colonialist, concentration camp, conformist, establishment, fascist, imperialist, McCarthyism, mercenary, military-industrial complex, missile, napalm, pig, plutocrat, prejudice, property rights, racist, reactionary, repression, storm trooper, xenophobia.

Criminal: A fascist, especially when apprehended and punished. Cf. martyr.

Democracy: A nation in which the government, freely elected, remains responsive to the popular will, e.g., Czechoslovakia.

Development: (1) In fascist countries, the bulldozing of trees and hillsides, erection of sleazy row houses, etc., or in general, the exploitation of the environment. (2) In progressive countries, the provision of housing for the masses, or in general, the utilization of natural resources to satisfy human needs.

Ecology: (1) Obsolete: The study of the interrelationships of living things with each other and with the general environment. (2) Everything nonhuman which is being harmed by the establishment, such as trees and falcons but not including rats, sparrows, algae, etc. Thus progressive countries have no ecology.

Establishment: The powers that be, when these are conservative.

Fallout: Radioactive material from a nuclear weapon, widely distributed if this is tested in the atmosphere, universally condemned for its deleterious effect upon public health and heredity, unless the test is conducted by a progressive country.

Fascist: A person who favors measures possibly conducive to the survival of the West.

Freedom: Instant gratification.

Glory: An outworn shibboleth, except when applied to a hero or martyr.

Hero: A person who sacrifices and takes risks in a progressive cause. Cf. pig and storm trooper.

Honor: See glory.

Human rights: All rights of the people to freedom, when held to take infinite precedence over property rights, since the latter are not human rights.

Imperialist: A person who advocates that any Western country retain any of its overseas territory.

Liberation: Foreign expulsion and domestic overthrow of Western governments, influences, and institutions. Sacred liberation: Liberation intended to result in a (People’s) Republic. Love: An emotion which, if universally felt, would automatically solve all human problems, but which some (see conservative) are by definition incapable of feeling.

Martyr: A person who suffers or dies in the cause of liberation. Not to be confused with a criminal or, collectively, with enemy personnel.

McCarthyism: Character assassination for political purposes, by asserting that some person is a member of the Communist conspiracy, especially when this is done by an admirer of Sen. Joseph McCarthy. Not to be confused with asserting that some person is a member of the fascist conspiracy, especially when this is done by an admirer of Sen. Eugene McCarthy.

Mercenary: A soldier who, for pay, serves a government not his own. Cf. United Nations.

Military-industrial complex: An interlocking directorate of military and industrial leaders, held to be in effective control of the USA. Not to be confused with military and industrial leaders of the USSR or the various (People’s) Republics.

Missile: A self-contained device which delivers high explosives from the air, condemned for its effects upon women, children, the aged, the sick, and other noncombatants, unless these happen to have resided in Saigon, Da Nang, Hue, etc. Cf. bombing.

Napalm: Jellied gasoline, ignited and propelled against enemy personnel, condemned by all true liberals except when used by Israelis upon Arabs.

Native: A non-White inhabitant of a region whose ancestors dispossessed the previous lot.

Nonconformist: One who accepts progressive values without asking troublesome questions. Cf. conformist.

Nuclear weapon: A weapon employing some form of atomic energy, used by fascist governments for purposes of aggression and by progressive governments to further the cause of peace.