'But of course.' He'd raised his voice.

'Never mind, let it go. It wasn't Fellows, but someone else must have overheard it and passed it on, maybe not even seeing the danger. It's too late now, so don't worry about it. But you've-'

'How do you know the KCCPC think I am in Lhasa? How do you know that?'

Gray light flashing across his glasses as he bent forward toward me. Furious too, furious with me, for Christ's sale.

'I told you, don't worry. The thing-'

'But you do not answer my question. You wish to accuse me of doing something wrong, but you will not answer my question. That is unjust.'

Characteristic of the man: he'd ranted and raved about 'justice to the Chinese government until they'd chased Mm into the embassy.

'Dr Xingyu, the important thing for you to remember-'

'My question! My question!'

'Keep your voice down, for God's sake, don't you realize-'

'Answer my question,' hissing it out now, 'and tell me why you think the KCCPC-'

'Because they were watching every single place where you can buy insulin — doesn't that answer your question?'

I came away from the wall and got on my knees to face him, close as I could, to stop him raising his voice again.

'How do you know they were watching?'

Patience, God give me patience. 'Because one of them followed me.'

'Perhaps you believed he was following you. You are always suspicious, because you are an intelligence officer, and you therefore believe-'

'Dr Xingyu,' I leaned closer, 'I was followed by a KCCPC agent and I led him into cover and when he tried to shoot me I killed him with my bare hands. Now will you understand that we are not playing games?'

In a moment- 'You killed him?'

'Yes.'

'That is terrible.'

'Taking a life is always terrible, yes, but if this man had overpowered me I would have been taken to a cell and tortured until I told them where you are, and they would have come here for you. Now will you understand why we have to do things that are sometimes terrible? You must get a perspective on this.'

He said nothing.

I sat kneeling, as he was. We faced each other in the gray light from the windows, looking, I suppose, like two monks at their prayers.

In a moment I said, 'Your life is in danger, Dr Xingyu, every minute. You must understand that. My government has committed me to protect you and defend you until you can go back to Beijing in a few days and lead your people toward the new democratic government that is their most fervent dream, and if you can bring perspective to bear, you'll see that the death of one junior officer of an organization that is the most ruthless enemy of the people was necessary. Terrible, but necessary.'

After a time he raised his head and looked at me. 'I am not very helpful to you, am I?'

'You're not trained in the field, that's all.'

'I am not used to violence.'

'Not personally, no. But you can remember the violence in Tiananmen Square. Those are the people you have to fight. You have a reputation for being among the first to man the barricades, and you've got to understand that you're there again now — these are the barricades.'

In a moment, 'Yes. I understand that.'

'Good. You must also understand that when the KCCPC agent who followed me is reported missing, it's going to look as if someone in fact bought some insulin, and managed to silence the agent. Have you ever used a gun?'

'What for?'

'Have you ever fired a gun, on a practice range?"

'Of course not.'

His back had straightened. He was indignant.

'Now that you know your life is in danger here, every minute, would you be prepared to fire a gun in your own defence?'

He looked from side to side, into the shadow, confused, hunted. 'No. Of course not!'

'All right. Don't worry about it. But-'

'Did you imagine I would be capable of such a thing?'

'No.'

'Then why did you suggest it?'

'Because at this moment, Dr Xingyu, I'm looking for miracles.'

Stiffly, 'I am afraid I cannot help you.'

In Beijing, if we could ever get him there, he would climb onto the rostrums and face the people and throw them miracles until they were dizzy with them, but here in the burned-out hulk of the monastery he could offer them none, not even the pressure of his finger on a trigger to defend his life, the life of their messiah.

I understood that. I understood. But I could have used a miracle myself; it would have lightened the load.

'Forget I mentioned it, Dr Xingyu. But you've got to do something for me. It would have been far less difficult, as you know, to have taken you out of Hong Kong to safe territory, where your government has no jurisdiction. But you asked us to bring you to Lhasa and we took your point and we agreed. You had friends here, you said. Now this is what you've got to do for me. You've got to trust no one. No one. You must talk to no one, even if you're alone with him, even it it's the abbot himself, or the monk who guards you while I'm away, Bian, especially him, because it's natural that you should want to talk to him — you're not used to being alone, with no companionship.'

They were chanting still, below, and a bell had started tolling, the huge bell that I'd seen in the garden behind here, its mouth two or three feet across with a beam as big as a tree trunk slung on ropes to strike it with, and as its rhythmic booming sounded through the great hollows of this place it made me afraid, I'm not sure why, perhaps it was just the vibration stirring in my body, in my bones, or perhaps it had the semblance of a clock, its beat inexorable as it measured the seconds, bringing us closer to what was to come.

Fatigue, surely. Fatigue and the altitude and the head wound, everything adding up as I knelt there swaying in front of him, in front of Dr Xingyu Baibing.

Yes, I knew him once. We were trying to get him back into Beijing, but they ran us too close…

The great bell boomed in my bones.

Finally he said, 'I will talk to no one.'

'No one. Trust no one.'

'I understand.'

'Do that for me.'

'I will do it for you.' Like a litany, kneeling together.

'Because at any time now,' I told him, 'they're liable to start hunting for you, now they know you're in Lhasa. They've got hundreds of men they can use. They can search- every building, beat every bush.' I was swaying again, and made an effort to straighten up. 'But I can keep you hidden, Dr Xingyu. I've had extensive training and a lot of experience. I can make it extremely difficult for them ever to find you. With luck, impossible.'

The great bell booming.

'But I can't do anything for you,' I said, 'if you take risks, if you put us both in danger by talking. Some of the monks in this place don't even know that you're here: the abbot assured me of that. Only a few know. So don't talk to anyone. Don't trust anyone, whoever he is.'

'I understand.'

The great bell booming in my bones.

I wonder if he does, if he does.

In my bones.