Twitching like a junkie, I'm tempted to say.

"We're gossiping about fashion, music and models. Carla says I'm 'out of it,' which is surely an understatement. Now I've got a question for you: Why bother your hardworking offspring so late at night?"

A soft laugh. "I just got in, Jack."

"Oh."

"From out of town," she says.

How clever of me to ask. Smoothly I drop the subject.

"Well. You doing okay?"

"I'm good," Anne says. "How about yourself?"

"Better," I lie. "I'm surviving age forty-six just fine. No more obsessing. And this was a heavy year for bad karma—JFK and Elvis."

"And don't forget Oscar Wilde," Anne tosses in.

"Wilde? I thought he was forty-five."

"No, forty-six," she says. "I wouldn't have known except I just saw one of his plays in London. They had a biography in the Playbill. How're things at work?"

I find myself rattled by the Oscar Wilde bulletin, and also by the idea of Anne traveling to England without me.

Meaning with somebody else.

"Jack?"

"Everything's great at the paper," I say. "Big story in the oven—actually that's why I dropped by to see Carla. She knows the cast of characters."

"As long as she's not one of them," Anne says. "I'm glad you're doing well, Jack."

I hear myself blurting: "I'll be doing even better if you have lunch with me tomorrow."

"Can't, Jack. I'm afraid I'm busy." This is followed by a pause, during which I foolishly convince myself that Anne is reconsidering the invitation. But then she says: "Tell Carla I'll give her a shout in the morning."

"Will do."

"Bye," says Anne.

I set the receiver down very gingerly, as if it's made of Baccarat crystal.

"Wanna drink?" The lovely dark eyes staring out of Carla's mud face are brimming with sympathy. Worse, they are Anne's eyes.

"I've got beer," Carla says through fixed lips.

I tell her no thanks. Standing up, I say, "Well. Your mother sounds terrific."

"Surry," Carla mutters, endeavoring not to crack the facial plaster. Either a smile or a frown would do the job. She snatches a notepad from the dining table and scribbles these words: Least she knows how you feel.

"And that's good?" I ask.

Carla nods consolingly. Those eyes are killing me. I give her a quick hug and head for the door.

Next morning, Emma calls and commands me to appear in the newsroom.

"But I'm ill! Stricken! Indisposed!"

"You are not. Buckminster spotted you at the funeral."

"Fuckweasel," I remark.

"Pardon me?"

I stage a coughing fit worthy of a pleurisy ward, and hang up.

Forty minutes later comes a stern knock—Emma! This is unpardonable, accosting me at home. I greet her in my sleepwear, a rank Jacksonville Jaguars jersey and a pair of baggy plaid boxers. She is not as horrified as I had hoped.

"You the truant officer?"

"Enough, Jack." Emma charges past me and plants herself on the least stained and faded of the twin armchairs. She is wearing a sharp-looking Oxford blouse, black slacks and a pair of sensible low heels. Her toenails are concealed, but I'll bet the farm she has repainted them since Monday afternoon; a muted ochre, I'm imagining, something serious to match her mood. Never have I seen her so torqued up.

"Mr. Polk is slipping away. The doctors say it could happen any day," she begins urgently. "Any minute, really."

I stretch out supine on the floor and shut one eye. "I'm onto a possible celebrity murder, Emma. I've got a distraught sister who suspects foul play and I'm the only one who'll help. What am I supposed to do, slam the door in her face? Tell her the paper doesn't care that her only brother got whacked?"

Although I have liberally exaggerated Janet Thrush's state of mind, Emma remains unmoved.

"I told you once, Jack. It's Metro's story if they want it. You did your job; you wrote the obit. You're done." She's glaring at me, really glaring.

"What are you so afraid of?" As if I don't know.

"Don't be such an asshole," she says.

I pop up, wide-eyed and beaming, and jig from foot to foot like a Polynesian coalwalker. What a breakthrough!

"Did you call me an onerous name? Yes, I'm sure of it. You did!"

"We're not in the workplace." Emma, reddening. Then: "Look, I'm sorry. That was unprofessional."

"No, I'm glad. It means we're making progress. Breaking down walls and so forth. You want some fresh orange juice? A decaf?"

Emma says, "Old Man Polk wants to see you, Jack."

I stop prancing and suck a short breath. "What? I thought he was fading fast."

"He wants a deathbed interview, believe it or not. To jazz up his obituary."

"Dear Jesus."

"This was not my idea, I swear."

"A perverse final request."

"I couldn't agree more," Emma says, "but Abkazion already said yes."

"Dipshit," I mutter. "Fellator of mandrills."

"I'm begging, Jack."

"Why me?" I growl, pointlessly.

"Evidently the old man admires your writing."

A side effect of the Halcion, no doubt. I peel off my Jaguars jersey and toss it over a lampshade. Next I tug absently at the waistband of my boxers, Emma eyeing me warily. She is in no mood to deal with a naked employee.

"Don't get cute," she advises.

"Don't flatter yourself." I stalk off to the shower. Twenty minutes later, I emerge to find Emma still encamped. This, frankly, throws me. She has put on her reading glasses to study an obituary I recently cut out of the Times.Wrapped in a towel, I stand there dripping on the floor like some incontinent nuthouse savant.

Emma glances up, waves the clipping. "This is a fantastic headline."

"That's why I saved it."

The single-deck head on the obituary said:

Ronald Lockley, 96, an Intimate of Rabbits

Emma says, "How can you notlook at that story?"

"Precisely."

"Even if you aren't a fan of rabbits, which I'm not." Then, as if she's reading my mind: "For God's sake, why couldn't I write headlines like this?"

I say, "Here's one: 'MacArthur Polk, 88, Wealthy Malingerer.'"

"Jack, please. I'm begging you."

Swathed in my damp bath linen, I lower myself carefully into the armchair across from Emma. My hair is still sopping and now I feel a droplet of water elongating itself on the lobe of my left ear. I pray Emma won't be distracted.

"Don't you worry. I'll deal with Abkazion," I venture brashly.

"It's not just him," Emma grumbles. "Mr. Maggad has taken an interest, as well. He went to see the old man at Charity and believes he's delirious, in addition to terminal."

Exultantly I tell Emma there must be a misunderstanding. Race Maggad III, who despises me, would never recommend me being assigned to a story as important as Old Man Polk's obit.

Emma drums her fingers on her knees. "Abkazion is baffled. I'm baffled. You're baffled. Yet here we are."

I stall, racking my brain. "I get it. Maggad, that conniving yuppie fuck, he's setting me up."

"For what, Jack? Setting you up for what?"

There is a tender note of pity in Emma's question, implying that I've already been so thoroughly shafted by management that there's no place left to fall. My chin drops. Scrutinizing the sparse, south-running trail of hair on my belly, I notice a few shoots of gray.

Emma says, "I'm sorry, Jack. Now go put on some clothes."

I lift my eyes to meet hers and say: "Jimmy Stoma for Old Man Polk."

"No deal." She shakes her head vigorously.

"Emma, do you know how much sick leave I've piled up?"

"Don't threaten me. Don't you dare."

"Tomorrow you will receive a letter from a prominent board-certified health care provider," I say, "attesting to the seriousness of my condition, namely chronic colorectal diverticulosis. By the time my recovery is complete and I am deemed able to resume a full work schedule, Mr. MacArthur Polk will be worm chow, darling. An intimate of maggots, to steal a phrase."