F. F. B. O.-Fatten, Farten, Burstein and Ooze, the largest advertising/public relations firm in the world.
Fleet-The elite space fighting arm of Voltar to which Jettero Heller belongs and which the Apparatus despises.
Grafferty, "Bulldog"-A crooked New York City police inspector.
Grand Council-The governing body of Voltar which
ordered a mission to keep Earth from destroying itself so it could be conquered on schedule per the Invasion Timetable.
Gris, Soltan-Apparatus officer placed in charge of the Blito-P3 (Earth) Section and an enemy of Jettero Heller. He was sent to Earth by Lombar Hisst to sabotage Heller's mission.
Heller, Jettero-Combat engineer and Royal officer of the Fleet, sent by order of the Grand Council on Mission Earth in order to save Earth from its own imminent self-destruction by pollution and nuclear holocaust. He is operating on Earth under the name of Jerome Terrance Wister.
Hisst, Lombar-Head of the Apparatus. His plan to overthrow the Confederacy required sending Soltan Gris to sabotage Jettero Heller's mission.
Hypnohelmet-Device placed over the head and used to induce a hypnotic state.
Inkswitch-Phony name used by Soltan Gris when in the U. S., pretending to be a federal official.
Invasion Timetable-A schedule of galactic conquest. The plans and budget of every section of Vohar's government must adhere to it. Bequeathed by Voltar's ancestors hundreds of thousands of years ago, it is inviolate and sacred and the guiding dogma of the Confederacy.
Krak, Countess-The sweetheart of Jettero Heller. On
Earth she is known by the name Heavenly Joy Krackle or "Miss Joy."
Lee, Harvey "Smasher"-A dishonest used-car dealer in Virginia who sold Jettero Heller a Cadillac shortly after Heller arrived in the United States.
Madison, J. Walter-F. F. B. O. PR man hired by Bury to "immortalize" Jettero Heller, who doesn't know about Madison's campaign; also known as "J. Warbler Madman."
Mamie Boomp-A former nightclub singer and now president and general manager of the Lucky Bonanza Casino Corporation in Atlantic City, owned by Jettero Heller.
Manco-Home planet of Jettero Heller and the Countess Krak.
Manco Devil-Mythological spirit native to Manco.
Massacurovitch, Mortie-The crash-bang New York City taxi driver who taught Jettero Heller how to drive a cab in New York.
Meeley-Soltan Gra's landlady back on Voltar.
Mudur Zengin-Financial czar of the biggest banking chain in Turkey and handler of Soltan Gra's funds.
Multinational-Name of umbrella corporation that Izzy Epstein set up to manage Jettero Heller's companies. It is located in the Empire State Building.
Mutazione, Mike-Owner of the Jiffy-Spiffy Garage. He customized both the Cadillac and the vintage cab for Jettero Heller..
Narcotic!, Faustino "The Noose"-Head of a Mafia Family that is the underworld outlet for drugs.
Octopus Oil-A Delbert John Rockecenter company that controls the world's petroleum.
Pinch, Miss-Lesbian sadist and Delbert John Rockecenter employee who lives with Candy Licorice and has $80,000 of Soltan Gro's money.
Pokantickle-Estate of Delbert John Rockecenter, located in Hairytown, New York.
Psychiatric Birth Control-A plan, funded by Delbert John Rockecenter, to reduce the world's population by promoting homosexuality.
Raht-An Apparatus agent on Earth who was assigned by Lombar Hisst to help Soltan Gris sabotage Jettero Heller's mission. His partner Terb was murdered.
Razza Louseini-Consigliere to mob chief Faustino "The Noose" Narcotici.
Rockecenter, Delbert John-Native of Earth who controls the planet's fuel, finances, governments and drugs.
Rockecenter, Junior, Delbert John-The false Earth name that Lombar Hisst arranged for Jettero Heller to use so that he would attract attention and be killed.
Simmons, Miss-An antinuclear fanatic who teaches at Empire University. She was dedicated to flunking Jettero Heller out of school until "handled" by the Countess Krak.
Smith, John-An alias that Soltan Gris uses as a Delbert John Rockecenter employee.
Spiteos-Where the Countess Krak and Jettero Heller had been imprisoned on Voltar. It has been the secret mountain fortress prison of the Apparatus for over a thousand years.
Spurk-The owner of the Eyes and Ears of Voltar, an electronics store. Soltan Gris killed him to steal the Bugging Gear used on Jettero Heller, the Countess Krak and Dr. Crobe, as well as boxes of other sophisticated equipment.
Sultan Bey-The Turkish name used by Soltan Gris.
Swindle and Crouch-Law firm that represents Delbert John Rockecenter interests.
Torpedo Fiaccola-A sniper-killer once hired by Bury to kill Jettero Heller.
Utanc-A belly-dancer that Soltan Gris bought to be his concubine slave.
Viewer-See Bugging Gear.
Voltar-The seat of the 110-planet Confederacy that was established 125,000 years ago. Voltar is ruled by the
Emperor through the Grand Council, in accordance with the Invasion Timetable.
Whiz Kid-Nickname given to Jettero Heller by J. Walter Madison. Unknown to Heller, Madison has a "double" playing the part of Jerome Terrance Wister in order to get publicity without Heller's consent. The "double" has buckteeth and a protruding jaw, wears glasses and looks nothing like Heller. His name is Gerry Wister.
Wister, Jerome Terrance-Name that Jettero Heller is using on Earth.
Zanco-Medical and cellological equipment and supplies company on Voltar.
831 Relayer-See Bugging Gear.
To My Lord Turn, Justiciary of the Royal Courts and Prison, Government City, Planet Voltar, Voltar Confederacy
Your Lordship, Sir!
I, Soltan Gris, Grade XI General Services Officer, former Secondary Executive of the Coordinated Information Apparatus, Voltar Confederacy (All Hail His Most Imperial Majesty Cling the Lofty) am forwarding the sixth part of my confession pertaining to MISSION EARTH.
I know that one who is in prison, as I am, should reflect upon and learn the error of his ways. You will be pleased to know that incarceration in your fine prison has allowed me to do this.
While detailing my many criminal deeds committed while on MISSION EARTH for the Apparatus, including murder, extortion, blackmail, I have learned a valuable lesson: Females are vicious, treacherous, lying beasts who spend every waking minute conniving amongst themselves, plotting and scheming how to destroy every single male. They should all be destroyed.
Take those two Earth lesbians, Miss Pinch and
L. RON HUBBARD
Candy, for example. Miss Pinch took all my money and locked it up in a safe. I was broke and wanted it back. Earth psychology, which is never wrong, has something they call "aversion therapy." (In the Apparatus we call it "torture.") So I tied them up and despite their protests raped them both. What did they do? Did they adhere to the unwavering truths of psychology? No! They ended up liking it!
"Inkswitch," they said (addressing me by the alias I employ in the U. S.), "we renounce Rockecenter's Psychiatric Birth Control which advocates homosexuality to reduce the population and will pay you to live with us and do that again and again."
Just goes to show how you can't trust women. They turn on you every time.