An electric shock machine lighted up.
"Settle down!" screamed Dr. Morelay.
A diploma went awry on the wall.
"Lie still, you nice young man!" screamed Morelay. "I got to settle down on you!"
The Countess muttered angrily, "Well, I never! You give these primitives the simplest suggestion and even then they get that wrong!"
The electric shock machine was throwing off sparks.
The diploma glass shattered. "Oh, boy, WOW!" howled Dr. Morelay.
The electric shock machine went up in smoke. Bang-Bang's groan was more a moan of horror.
The diploma came out of the glass and went sailing gently down to the floor.
Bang-Bang got to the middle of the room, trying to straighten up his clothes, yet looking back at the couch in shock.
"Poor Bang-Bang," muttered the Countess Krak. "How embarrassed he must be. And now we'll have to stop the night somewhere down the road so he can recuperate. Blast! I wanted to drive straight through!"
Miss Agnes lay there grinning like a ghoul. "Oh, boy, that was really good," she said. "Forty-four years I kept myself a virgin for that rotten (bleepard). But now revenge is really sweet. I've let myself be settled down by a nice young man instead of him. And that vengeance was really great. Revenge after all is the best reward. And I've got it at last! I'm full of it!"
She got up off the couch and pulled up her pants. She went to her desk, opened a drawer and pulled out a huge envelope of keys and instruction books and registrations. She dumped them in Bang-Bang's arms. She went and unlocked the door. "Nice young man," she said, "you better take up Psychiatric Birth Control. If anybody found out nonperverted sex is that good, they'd overpopulate the world!"
Bang-Bang ran for it. The Countess Krak pushed the telescope out of sight into a bag.
He came sprinting down the drive. He gave his clothes a hasty glance when he saw the Countess. Then he nervously began fumbling for keys in an envelope. He was trying one after the other in the lock of the main land yacht door.
His face was brick red. "For Christ's sakes," he said to himself, "don't lose these keys! I don't think I could stand getting another set!"
He got the door open. Then he must have seen
something on Krak's face. He said, "Did you say something about me to that woman?"
"Me, Bang-Bang?" said the Countess Krak.
A sudden thought struck me like a lightning bolt. I had forgotten right up to this minute that the old cab they had been using was bulletproof. They would not be riding in it now. Instead they would be in this land yacht, which seemed to have aluminum sides: a rifle slug could go through it like paper! Oh, was luck favoring me now! The Countess Krak was even wider open for a hit!
Bang-Bang, swearing and snarling to himself, managed to find enough controls in the ornate and sparkling driver's area to get the land yacht's main diesel engine started and, with exaggerated allowances for posts and curbs, got it out of the gate and going down the road. It was ridiculous to watch that five-foot-five, one-hundred-pound Sicilian trying to wrestle that mammoth vehicle.
The Countess Krak was kneeling on their baggage, spotting signs for him through the vast windshield. She read one, Kingsland Point Park, and Bang-Bang, evidently unwilling to go on, turned into it and shortly stopped the monster in a parking area which overlooked the Hudson. The sun was going down and the river was vast before them, two miles wide at this point and golden in the sun.
"Why are we parking here?" said the Countess Krak.
It was just fine with me that they parked there. I could spot the place exactly for Torpedo. A setup.
Bang-Bang wasn't answering her. He was surrounded by a vast array of chrome knobs, panels, switches, levers and controls. And right beside his seat there was a mobile-telephone handset. He picked it up, listened to it and his face glowed with satisfaction as he heard the dial tone.
The Countess Krak was moving back toward a sitting room, trying to sort baggage.
"Long distance?" said Bang-Bang. "Gimme an urgent person-to-person call to Pretty Boy Floyd, Ocho-keechokee Hotel, Ochokeechokee, Florida."
The Countess Krak stopped what she was doing and stared.
"Jet!" yelped Bang-Bang. "Is that you? Thank God. We're only five miles south of Sing Sing and I think we just stole a million-dollar land yacht!"
Bang-Bang listened a moment, then he extended the phone to the Countess. "He wants to talk to you."
She took the handset. She said, "How are you, dear? Did you have a nice trip?"
Heller's voice, "What are you up to?"
"Do you have a nice room? I hope there were no alligators in it."
Heller said, "Quit it! It's all okay here. What are you up to?"
In a very sweet voice, she said, "Well, it's all okay here, too."
"Listen," said Heller. "What are you doing with a million-dollar land yacht? Where are you going?"
She said, "It's lonesome without you, dear."
"WHERE are you headed for?" said Heller.
"You really want to know, don't you, dear?"
"YES!"
"Well, I'm not going to tell you straight out. The domestic police monitor calls, you know."
"Then you really ARE going somewhere!"
She said, "Do you recall a stone wall?"
"NO! Don't go there! Don't go near him!"
"If you say so, dear. But I must speed up things a bit."
Silence at the other end. Then finally, "All right. But only if you do me a favor."
"Whatever you say, dear. You know I never do anything you don't want me to do."
Heller said, "Drive slowly. Take your time. Give me four days to meet you there. And DON'T arrive before I do."
"All right, dear."
"I can complete my part of this project here in that time and join you."
"Oh, wonderful! It means we'll have a lovely vacation."
"Looking forward to it," Heller said. "Love you. Put Bang-Bang back on."
She surrendered the handset. Bang-Bang listened intently. Then he said, "This is a mobile phone here." And he gave Heller the number and call of it. Then he said, "Yes, SIR, Mr. Jet. That takes a load off my mind." He hung up.
"What did he say?" said the Countess.
Bang-Bang didn't answer. He was industriously putting another call in. I was beside myself with glee. What luck! Heller had unwittingly arranged the very delay that I might need! Four days! The Countess Krak would be exposed on the road for four days in a vehicle that was so easy to spot it would be a cinch to find it.
"Jiffy-Spiffy Garage?" said Bang-Bang. "Let me
speak to Mike Mutazione.... Hello, Mike. This is Bang-Bang. Look, Mike, you know that old cab?... Yeah. Well, it's parked in the bushes up here in Indian country." And he gave him the exact location and told him the keys were "in the usual place." Then he turned to the Countess. "That cab don't belong to the family anymore. He wants to know who is going to pay for the trip."
The Countess dived a hand into her purse and gavt him my Squeeza credit card. Oh, well, I thought. Just ferrying a cab thirty miles or so down to Newark wouldn't be that expensive. I had to remember that half a million was forfeit if she overran that credit card.
"I got a valid credit card here," said Bang-Bang into the phone. And he gave Mike the number and designation. "Okay, I'm glad that will be fine. Now, Mike, the old cab has received a few dents lately, and while you've got it you could fix it up."
"Tell him," Krak said, "that he should fix it up so it will fly."
"Yeah, Mike," said Bang-Bang. "And the lady wants it hopped up. So put a new motor in it.... Yeah, you can redo the whole thing. New leather on the seats. You know.... Great. Now there's something else, Mike. I'm trying to drive something that's a grown-up, expanded Greyhound bus, that's now a two-decker land yacht. I want you to hire me a retired Greyhound bus driver.... All right. And an old lady for a cook and another one to keep it clean.... Right.... Yes, by all means, send a polite old mechanic that can keep the gadgets operating.... Sure, the cook can bring a load of food and liquor.... Yes, that's all right.... Yes, new uniforms. That would be nice.... I see what you mean, Mike. A second, smaller motor home and driver for the crew.... Well, hey, that's lucky, you had one right there. How