“But you left it.”

“No.” He lifted his head as if scenting the air, as if listening to something only for his ears. “That was like a blank spot in my life. I didn’t really exist then. A man can’t exist without faith. A priest can’t exist without purpose.“

She saw him reach in his pocket, saw the snatch of white in his hand. Her eyes were almost as wild as his when they met again. “Tell me about Laura.”

He’d come a step closer, but the name stopped him. “Laura. Did you know Laura?”

“No, I didn’t know her.” He had the amice in both hands now, but seemed to have forgotten it. Treat, she told herself to hold back a scream. Treat, talk, listen. “Tell me about her.”

“She was beautiful. Beautiful in that fragile way that makes you worry if such things can last. My mother worried because Laura enjoyed looking at herself in the mirror, brushing her hair, wearing pretty clothes. Mother could sense the Devil drawing, always drawing Laura into sin and bad thoughts. But Laura only laughed and said she didn’t care for sackcloth and ashes. Laura laughed a lot.”

“You loved her very much.”

“We were twins. We shared life before life. That’s what my mother said. We were bound together by God. It was for me to keep Laura from spurning the Church and everything we’d been taught. It was for me, but I failed her.”

“How did you fail Laura?”

“She was only eighteen. Beautiful, delicate, but there wasn’t any laughter.” The tears began, sobless, to glisten on his cheeks. “She’d been weak. I hadn’t been there for her, and she’d been weak. Back-street abortion. God’s judgment. But why did God’s judgment have to be so harsh?” His breathing quickened and became painfully loud as he pressed a hand to his forehead. “A life for a life. It’s fair and just. A life for a life. She begged me not to let her die, not to let her die in such sin that would send her to Hell. I had no power to absolve her. Even as she lay dying in my arms, I had no power. The power came later, after the despair, the dark, blank time. I can show you. I have to show you.”

He stepped forward, and even as Tess’s instincts had her pull back, he slipped the scarf around her. “Lou, you’re a police officer. It’s your job, your function to protect.”

“Protect.” His fingers trembled on the scarf. A policeman. He’d had to drug Pudges coffee. It would have been wrong to do more, to hurt another officer. Protect. The shepherd protects his flock. “I didn’t protect Laura.”

“No, it was a terrible loss, a tragedy. But now you’ve tried to give something back, haven’t you? Isn’t that why you became a police officer? To give something back? To protect others?”

“I had to lie, but after Laura it didn’t seem to matter. Maybe with the police I could find what I’d been looking for in the seminary. That sense of purpose. Vocation. Man’s law, not Gods law.”

“Yes, you swore to uphold the law.”

“The Voice came back, so many years later. It was real.”

“Yes, to you it was real.”

“It isn’t always inside my head. Sometimes it’s a whisper in the other room, or it comes like thunder from the ceiling over my bed. It told me how to save Laura, and myself. We’re bound together. We’ve always been bound together.”

Her hands clenched over the keys in her pocket. She knew if the scarf tightened, she would use them to gouge his eyes. For survival. The need to live surged through her.

“I will absolve you from sin,” he murmured. “And you will see God.”

“Taking a life is a sin.”

He hesitated. “A life for a life. A holy sacrifice.” The pain rushed through his voice.

“Taking a life is a sin,” she repeated as the blood pounded in her ears. “To kill breaks God’s law, and man’s. You understand both laws as a police officer, as a priest.” When she heard the siren, her first thought was that it was an ambulance coming into Emergency. She wouldn’t be alone. She didn’t take her eyes from his. “I can help you.”

“Help me.” It was only a whisper, part question, part plea.

“Yes.” Though it trembled, she lifted her hand and placed it on his. Her fingers brushed over the silk.

Doors slammed behind them, but neither of them moved.

“Get your hands off her, Roderick. Take your hands off her and move aside.”

Keeping her fingers around Roderick’s, Tess turned to see Ben no more than ten feet behind them, spread-legged, his gun held in both hands. Beside him and to the left, Ed mirrored his position. Sirens still screamed and lights flashed as cars poured into the lot.

“Ben, I’m not hurt.”

But he didn’t look at her. His eyes never left Roderick, and in them she saw that core of violence he strapped down. She knew if she stepped aside now, he’d cut it loose.

“Ben, I said I’m not hurt. He wants help.”

“Move out of the way.” If he’d been certain Roderick wasn’t armed, he would have rushed forward. But Tess turned her body and used it as a shield.

“It’s over, Ben.”

After a quick hand signal, Ed walked forward. “I have to search you, Lou. Then I have to cuff you and take you in.”

“Yes.” Dazed and docile, he lifted his arms to make it simpler. “That’s the law. Doctor?”

“Yes. No one’s going to hurt you.”

“You have the right to remain silent,” Ed began when he’d removed Roderick’s police issue from under his coat.

“That’s all right, I understand.” As Ed snapped on the handcuffs, Roderick’s attention focused on Logan.

“Father, did you come to hear my confession?”

“Yes. Would you like me to go with you?” As he spoke, Logan put his hand over Tess’s and squeezed.

“Yes. I’m so tired.”

“You can rest soon. Come with us now, and I’ll stay with you.”

With his head bowed, he began to walk between Ed and Logan. “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”

Ben waited until they’d passed him. Tess stood where she was, watching him, not certain her legs would carry her if she moved forward. She saw him holster his gun before he was across the pavement to her in three strides.

“I’m all right, I’m all right,” she repeated over and over as he crushed her against him. “He wasn’t going to go through with it. He couldn’t.”

Ben only drew her away to yank the scarf from around her and toss it in a mound of snow. He ran his own hands over her throat to make certain it was unmarked. “I could have lost you.”

“No.” She pressed herself against him again. “He knew. I think he knew all along I could stop him.” As tears of relief began, she tightened her arms around him. “The trouble was, I didn’t. Ben, I’ve never been so frightened.”

“You stood between us and blocked me.”

Sniffling, she drew away only far enough to find his lips with hers. “Protecting a patient.”

“He’s not your patient.”

She had to take the chance that her legs would hold her a few minutes longer. Stepping back, she faced him. “Yes, he is. And as soon as the paperwork clears, I’ll start tests.”

He grabbed her by the front of her coat, but when she touched a hand to his face, he could only drop his forehead on hers. “Damn you, I’m shaking.”

“Me too.”

“Let’s go home.”

“Oh, yeah.”

With arms hooked tight around waists, they walked to the car. She noticed, but didn’t comment, that he’d run over the curb. Inside the car she huddled against him again. No one had ever been so solid or so warm.

“He was a cop.”

“He’s ill.” Tess linked her fingers with his.

“He’s been one step ahead of us all along.”

“He’s been suffering.” She closed her eyes a moment. She was alive. This time she hadn’t failed. “I’m going to be able to help him.”

For a moment he said nothing. He would have to live with this, her need to give herself to people. Maybe someday he’d come to believe that both the sword and words could bring about justice.

“Hey, Doc?”

“Mmmm?”

“Do you remember talking about us getting away for a few days?”