Tehol slapped his hands. ‘Well, another meeting done! What shall we do now? I’m for bed.’ And then, with a quick glance at Janath, ‘In the company of my dearest wife, of course.’

‘We haven’t even had supper yet, husband.’

‘Supper in bed! We can invite-oh, scratch that.’

Brys stepped forward. ‘About the army.’

‘Oh, it’s always about the army with you. Order more boots.’

‘That’s just it-I need more money.’

‘Bugg, give him more money.’

‘How much, sire?’

‘Whatever he needs for the boots and whatnot.’

‘It’s not boots,’ said Brys. ‘It’s training.’

‘They’re going to train without boots? Extraordinary.’

‘I want to make use of these Malazans quartered in our city. These “marines.” And their tactics. I want to reinvent the entire Letherii military. I want to hire the Malazan sergeants.’

‘And does their Adjunct find this acceptable?’

‘She does. Her soldiers are getting bored and that’s not good.’

‘I imagine not. Do we know when they’re leaving?’

Brys frowned. ‘You’re asking me? Why not ask her?’

‘Ah, the agenda is set for the next meeting, then.’

‘Shall I inform the Adjunct?’ Bugg asked.

Tehol rubbed his chin, and then nodded. ‘That would be wise, yes, Bugg. Very wise. Well done.’

‘What about my petition?’ demanded Rucket. ‘I got dressed up and everything!’

‘I will take it under advisement.’

‘Great. How about a Royal Kiss in the meantime?’

Tehol fidgeted on his throne.

‘Airy aplomb shrinking, husband? Clearly, it knows better than you that there are limits to my forbearance.’

‘Well,’ said Rucket, ‘what about a Royal Squeeze?’

‘There’s an idea,’ said Bugg, ‘raise the taxes. On guilds.’

‘Fine,’ snapped Rucket, ‘I’m leaving. Another petition rejected by the King. Making the mob ever more restive.’

‘What mob?’ Tehol asked.

‘The one I’m about to assemble.’

‘You wouldn’t.’

‘A woman scorned, ’tis a dangerous thing, sire.’

‘Oh, give her a kiss and squeeze, husband. I’ll avert my eyes.’

Tehol leapt to his feet, and then quickly sat back down. ‘In a moment,’ he gasped.

‘Gives a new meaning to regal bearing,’ commented Bugg.

But Rucket was smiling. ‘Let’s just take that as a promissory note.’

‘And the mob?’ asked Bugg.

‘Miraculously dispersed in a dreamy sigh, O Chancellor, or whatever you are.’

‘I’m the Royal Engineers-yes, all of them. Oh, and Treasurer.’

‘And Spittoon Mangler,’ Tehol added.

The others frowned.

Bugg scowled at Tehol. ‘I’d been pleasantly distracted until you said that.’

‘Is something wrong?’ Brys asked.

‘Ah, brother,’ Tehol said, ‘we need to send you to the Adjunct-with a warning.’

‘Oh?’

‘Bugg?’

‘I’ll walk you out, Brys.’

After the two had left, Tehol glanced at Janath, and then at Rucket, and found them both still frowning. ‘What?’

‘Something we should know?’ Janath asked.

‘Yes,’ added Rucket, ‘on behalf of the Rat Catchers’ Guild, I mean.’

‘Not really,’ Tehol replied. ‘A minor matter, I assure you. Something to do with threatened gods and devastating divinations. Now, I’m ready to try for my kiss and squeeze-no, wait. Some deep breathing first. Give me a moment-yes, no, wait.’

‘Shall I talk about my embroidery?’ Janath asked.

‘Yes, that sounds perfect. Do proceed. Be right there, Rucket.’

Lieutenant Pores opened his eyes. Or tried to, only to find them mostly swollen shut. But through the blurry slits he made out a figure hovering over him. A Nathii face, looking thoughtful.

‘You recognize me?’ the Nathii asked.

Pores tried to speak, but someone had bound his jaw tight. He nodded, only to find his neck was twice the normal size. Either that, he considered, or his head had shrunk.

‘Mulvan Dreader,’ the Nathii said. ‘Squad healer. You’ll live.’ He leaned back and said to someone else, ‘He’ll live, sir. Won’t be much use for a few days, though.’

Captain Kindly loomed into view, his face-consisting entirely of pinched features-its usual expressionless self. ‘For this, Lieutenant Pores, you’re going up on report. Criminal stupidity unbecoming to an officer.’

‘Bet there’s a stack a those,’ muttered the healer as he moved to depart.

‘Did you say something, soldier?’

‘No, sir.’

‘Must be my poor hearing, then.’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Are you suggesting I have poor hearing, soldier?’

‘No, sir!’

‘I am certain you did.’

‘Your hearing is perfect, Captain, I’m sure of it. And that’s, uh, a healer’s assessment.’

‘Tell me,’ said Captain Kindly, ‘is there a cure for thinning hair?’

‘Sir? Well, of course.’

‘What is it?’

‘Shave your head. Sir.’

‘It looks to me as though you don’t have enough things to do, Healer. Therefore, proceed through the squads of your company to mend any and every ailment they describe. Oh, delouse the lot besides, and check for blood blisters on the testicles of the men-I am certain that’s a dread sign of something awry.’

‘Blood blisters, sir? On the testicles?’

‘The flaw in hearing seems to be yours, not mine.’

‘Uh, nothing dread or awry, sir. Just don’t pop ’em, they bleed like demons. Comes with too much riding, sir.’

‘Indeed.’

…

‘Healer, why are you still standing there?’

‘Sorry, sir, on my way!’

‘I shall expect a detailed report on the condition of your fellow soldiers.’

‘Aye, sir! Testicular inspection, here I go.’

Kindly leaned forward again and studied Pores. ‘You can’t even talk, can you? Unexpected mercy there. Six black wasp stings. You should be dead. Why aren’t you? Never mind. Presumably, you’ve lost the two runts. Now I’ll need to unchain that cattle-dog to find them. Tonight of all nights. Recover quickly, Lieutenant, so I can thrash your hide.’

Outside the dormitory, Mulvan Dreader paused for a moment, and then set off at a swift pace to rejoin his companions in an adjoining dorm. He entered the chamber, scanned the various soldiers lounging on cots or tossing knuckles, until he spied the wizened black face of Nep Furrow barely visible between two cots,

whereupon he marched up to the Dal Honese shaman, who was sitting crosslegged with a nasty smile on his lips.

‘I know what you done, Nep!’

‘Eh? Eggit’way fra meen!’

‘You’ve been cursin’ Kindly, haven’t you? Blood blisters on his balls!’

Nep Furrow cackled. ‘Black blibbery spoots, hah!’

‘Stop it-stop what you’re doing, damn you!’

‘Too laber! Dey doan gee’way!’

‘Maybe he should find out who’s behind it-’

‘Doan deedat! Pig! Nathii frup pahl! Voo booth voo booth!’

Mulvan Dreader stared down at the man, uncomprehending. He cast a beseeching glance over at Strap Mull the next cot along. ‘What did he just say?’

The other Dal Honese was lying on his back, hands behind his head. ‘Hood knows, some shaman tongue, I expect.’ And then added, ‘Curses, I’d wager.’

The Nathii glared back down at Nep Furrow. ‘Curse me and I’ll boil your bones, y’damned prune. Now, leave off Kindly, or I’ll tell Badan.’

‘Beedan nar’ere, izzee?’

‘When he gets back.’

‘Pahl!’

No one could claim that Preda Norlo Trumb was the most perceptive of individuals, and the half-dozen Letherii guards under his command, who stood in a twitching clump behind the Preda, were now faced with the very real possibility that Trumb’s stupidity was going to cost them their lives.

Norlo was scowling belligerently at the dozen or so riders. ‘War is war,’ he insisted, ‘and we were at war. People died, didn’t they? That kind of thing doesn’t go unpunished.’

The black-skinned sergeant made some small gesture with one gloved hand and crossbows were levelled. In rough Letherii he said, ‘One more time. Last time. They alive?’