She shared this thought with Juliet, who pointed down at the feet of anotherwell-heeled customer and said, ‘Wot? And spoil those gorgeous boots? They’reSnaky Cleavehelms, they are! Four hundred dollars a pop, an’ you’ve to wait forsix months!’

Glenda couldn’t see the face of the boots’ owner, but she did see the change inher body language. The hint of preening, even from the rear. Well, she thought,I suppose if you’re going to spend all of a working family’s yearly income on apair of boots it’s nice that someone notices.

When you watch people, you forget that people are watching you. Glenda was notvery tall, which meant that from her point of view dwarfs were not very short.And she realized that they were being approached in a determined kind of way bytwo dwarfs, one of whom was extremely expansive around the waist and wearing abreastplate so beautifully hammered and ornamented that taking it into battlewould be an act of artistic vandalism. He–and you had to remember that alldwarfs were he unless they asserted otherwise–had, when he spoke, a voice thatsounded like the darkest and most expensive type of dark chocolate, possiblysmoked. And the hand he offered had so many rings on each finger that you hadto look with care to realize that he was not wearing a gauntlet. And she was ashe, Glenda was sure of it: the chocolate was just too rich and fruity.

‘So glad you could come, my dears,’ she said, and the chocolate swirled. ‘I amMadame Sharn. I wondered if you could be of assistance to me? I really wouldnot dream of asking, but I am, as you would put it, between a rock and a hardone.’

All this was, to Glenda’s annoyance, addressed to Juliet, who was eating ratfruit as if there was no tomorrow, which presumably there had not been for therat. She giggled.

‘She’s with me,’ said Glenda, and, without meaning to, added, ‘Madame?’

Madame waved another hand and more rings glistened. ‘This salon is technicallya mine and that means that under dwarf law I am the king of the mine and in mymine my rules go. And since I am King, I declare that I am Queen,’ she said.‘Dwarf law bends and creaks but is not broken.’

‘Well,’ Glenda began, ‘we—Hey!’

This was to Madame’s smaller companion, who was actually holding a tape measureup against Juliet. ‘That is Pepe,’ said Madame.

‘Well, if he’s going to take liberties like that I hope he’s a woman,’ saidGlenda.

‘Pepe is… Pepe,’ said Madame calmly. ‘And there is no changing him, as it were,or her. Labels are such unhelpful things, I feel.’

‘Especially yours, ’cos you don’t put the prices on them,’ said Glenda, out ofsheer nervousness.

‘Ah yes, you notice these things,’ said Madame, with a wink that disarmed tothe point of melting.

Pepe looked up excitedly at Madame, who went on, ‘I wonder if you, if she… ifyou both would mind joining me backstage? The matter is a little delicate.’

‘Ooh, yes,’ said Juliet immediately.

Out of nowhere, other human girls materialized among the crowd and carefullyopened a path towards the back of the enormous room along which Madameprogressed as though propelled by invisible forces.

Glenda felt that the situation had suddenly got away from her, but it had beena good measure of sherry and it whispered to her, ‘Why not let a situation getaway from you every once in a while? Or even just once’ She had no idea whatshe was expecting behind the gilded door at the far end, but she had notexpected smoke and flames and shouting and someone screaming in a corner. Theplace looked like a foundry on the day they let the clowns in.

‘Come on through. Don’t let this disturb you,’ said Madame. ‘It’s always likethis at show time. Nerves, you know. Of course, everyone in this business islowly strung and there is always this problem to begin with with the micromail.It’s new, you see. According to dwarf law it must be hallmarked on every linkand that would not only be sacrilege, but also bloody difficult to do.’ Behindthe scenes, it appeared that Madame became a little less chocolatey and alittle more earthy.

‘Micromail!’ said Juliet, as if she had been shown the gateway to riches.

‘You know what it is?’ said Madame.

‘She talks about nothing else,’ said Glenda. ‘Talks and talks.’

‘Well, of course, it’s wonderful stuff,’ said Madame. ‘Almost as soft as cloth,certainly better than leather—’

‘—and it doesn’t chafe,’ said Juliet.

‘Which is always a consideration for the more traditional dwarf who will notwear cloth,’ said Madame. ‘Old tribal customs, how they hold us back, alwayspull us back. We haul ourselves out of the mine, but somehow we always drag abit of the mine with us. If I had my way, silk would be reclassified as ametal. What is your name, young lady?’

‘Juliet,’ said Glenda automatically, and then blushed. That was mumming, pureand simple. It was almost as bad as getting someone to spit on theirhandkerchief and wiping their face for them. The young lady with the drinks hadfollowed them in and chose this moment to take Glenda’s sherry glass andreplace it with a full one.

‘Would you mind just walking up and down a moment, Juliet?’ said Madame.

Glenda wanted to ask why, but since her mouth was full of sherry as ananti-embarrassment remedy, she let that one pass.

Madame watched Juliet critically, one hand cupping the elbow of the other arm.

‘Yes, yes. But I mean slowly, as if you were not in a hurry to get there anddidn’t care,’ said Madame. ‘Imagine you’re a bird in the air, a fish in thesea. Wear the world.’

‘Oh, right,’ said Juliet and started again.

By the time Juliet was halfway across the floor for the second time, Pepe hadburst into tears. ‘Where has she been? Where was she trained?’ he, orconceivably she, squeaked while clapping his or her cheeks with both hands.‘You must hire her at once!’

‘She’s already got a good steady job at the university,’ Glenda said. But thesherry said, ‘Once in a while isn’t over yet. Don’t spoilit!’[12]

Madame, who clearly had an instinct for this kind of thing, put an arm aroundher shoulders. ‘The problem with dwarf ladies, you see, is that a lot of us area little shy about being the centre of attention. I also have to bear in mindthat dwarf clothing is proving quite interesting to young humans of a certainturn of mind. Your daughter is human—’ Madame turned briefly to Juliet. ‘Youare human, aren’t you, dear? I find it pays to check.’

Juliet, apparently staring rapturously into a private world, noddedenthusiastically.

‘Oh good,’ said Madame. ‘And while she is exquisitely well built and moves likea dream, she is not too much taller than the average dwarf and frankly, mydear, some of the ladies would aspire to being a little taller than they are.This may be letting the side up, but that walk, my word. Dwarfs have hips, ofcourse, but they seldom know what to do with them… I’m sorry, have I saidsomething wrong?’

The half-pint of sherry so recently consumed by Glenda finally gave way underthe pressure of her rage. ‘I am not her mother. She is my friend.’

Madame shot her another of those looks that gave her the feeling that her brainwas being taken out and examined minutely. ‘Then would you mind if I paid yourfriend’-there was a pause-‘five dollars to model for me this afternoon?’

‘All right,’ said the sherry to Glenda. ‘You wondered where I was going to takeyou and here you are. Can you see the view? What are you going to do now?’

‘Twenty-five dollars,’ said Glenda.

Pepe clapped her, or possibly his, cheeks again and screamed, ‘Yes! Yes!’

‘And a shop discount,’ said Glenda.

Madame gave her a long-drawn-out stare. ‘Excuse me one moment,’ said the dwarf.

She walked over and took Pepe’s arm, walking him at some speed to the corner.Glenda could not hear what was said over some nearby riveting and someonehaving hysterics. Madame came back smirking artificially, Pepe trailing her. ‘Ihave a show starting in ten minutes and my best model has dropped her pickaxeon her foot. We shall negotiate any future engagements. And will you pleasestop that jumping up and down, Pepe?’