Trev, who was himself cocooned in rugs, only managed a grunt, but then went on,‘I think ’e admires her. He always seems a bit tongue-tied when ’e’s near her,that’s all I know.’

This had to be a romance, Glenda thought. It wasn’t like the ones peddled everyweek by Iradne Comb-Buttworthy. It felt more real–more real and very, verystrange.

‘Did you know that all of the orcs were hunted down after the war? All of them,children too,’ Nutt said.

And people don’t say things like that in a romantic situation, thought Glenda.But it still is, she added.

‘But they were forced,’ she replied. ‘They had children. Okay?’ Should I tellhim about the magic mirror? she wondered. Would it make things better? Orworse?

‘They were very bad times,’ said Nutt.

‘Well, look at it like this,’ said Glenda. ‘Most of the people who talk aboutorcs now don’t know what they’re on about, but the only orc they are ever goingto see is you. You making beautiful candles. You training the football team.That will mean a lot. You’ll show them that orcs don’t go around pullingpeople’s heads off. That’ll be something to be proud of.’

‘Well, in fairness, I have to say that when I think of the amount of radialforce that must have been necessary to effectively unscrew a human head againstits owner’s wishes, I am a little impressed. But that’s now, sitting here withyou. Then, I wanted to go up to the hills. I think that’s how we must havesurvived. If you didn’t keep away from humans you died.’

‘Yes, that’s a very good point,’ said Glenda, ‘but I think you should keep itto yourself for now.’ She noticed a surprised owl, lit up briefly by thecoach’s lamps.

Then she said, keeping her eyes straight ahead, ‘The thing about the poem… ’

‘How did you know, Miss Glenda?’ said Nutt.

‘You talk about kindness a lot.’ She cleared her throat. ‘And under thecircumstances, I think Glenda is sufficient.’

‘You were kind to me,’ said Nutt. ‘You are kind to everybody.’

Glenda swiftly put aside a vision of Mr Ottomy and said, ‘No, I’m not, I’mshouting at everyone all the time!’

‘Yes, but it’s for their own good.’

‘What do we do now?’ Glenda said.

‘I have no idea. But can I tell you something very interesting about ships?’

It wasn’t exactly what Glenda had expected, but somehow it was one hundred percent Nutt. ‘Please tell me the interesting thing about ships,’ she said.

‘The interesting thing about ships is that the captains of ships have to bevery careful when two ships are close together at sea, particularly in calmconditions. They tend to collide.’

‘Because of the wind blowing, and that?’ said Glenda, thinking: In theory thisis a romantic-novel situation and I am about to learn about ships. IradneComb-Buttworthy never puts a ship in her books. They probably don’t have enoughreticules.

‘No,’ said Nutt. ‘In fact, to put it simply, each ship shields the other shipfrom lateral waves on one side, so by small increments outside forces bringthem together without their realizing it.’

‘Oh! It’s a metaphor?’ said Glenda, relieved. ‘You think we’re being pushedtogether.’

‘It’s something like that,’ said Nutt. They rocked as the coach hit aparticularly nasty pothole.

‘So, if we don’t do anything we’ll just get closer and closer?’

‘Yes,’ said Nutt.

The coach jumped and rattled again, but Glenda felt as if she was travellingover very thin ice. She’d hate to say the wrong thing.

‘You know Trev said that I’d died?’ Nutt continued. ‘Well, that was true.Probably. Ladyship said that we were made from goblins for the Evil Emperor.The Igors did it. And they put in something very strange. It’s a part of youthat isn’t quite a part of you. They called it the Little Brother. It’s tuckedin deep inside and absolutely protected and it’s like having your own hospitalwith you all the time. I know that I was hit very hard, but the Little Brotherkept me alive and simply cured things again. There are ways to kill an orc, butthere are not many of them and anyone trying them out on a living orc is notgoing to have very much time to get it right. Does that worry you at all?’

‘No, not really,’ said Glenda. ‘I don’t really understand it. I think it’s moreimportant just to be who you are.’

‘No, I don’t think I should be who I am, because I am an orc. But I have someplans in that direction.’

Glenda cleared her throat again. ‘This thing with the ships… Does it happenquite quickly?’

‘It starts quite slowly, but it’s quite quick towards the end,’ said Nutt.

‘The thing is,’ said Glenda, ‘I mean, I can’t just walk away from my job, andthere’s old ladies I go and visit, and you’ll be busy with the football… ’

‘Yes. I think we should be doing the things we should be doing, and it’s thelast training day tomorrow, which is actually today now,’ said Nutt.

‘And I’ve got to make a lot of pies.’

‘It’s going to be a very busy time for both of us,’ said Nutt solemnly.

‘Yes. Um, er, do you mind me saying… in your lovely poem… the line “The crypt’sa handsome place to be, but none I think leave after tea” didn’t quite—’

‘Didn’t quite work? I know,’ said Nutt. ‘I feel rather bad about that.’

‘Oh, please don’t! It’s a wonderful poem!’ Glenda burst out, and felt theripples in the calm sea.

The rising sun managed to peek around the vast column of smoke that foreverrose from Ankh-Morpork, City of Cities, illustrating almost up to the edge ofspace that smoke means progress or, at least, people setting fire to things. ‘Ithink we’re going to be so busy that we’re not going to have much time for…ourselves,’ said Glenda.

‘I quite agree,’ said Nutt. ‘Leaving things alone would definitely be ourwisest move.’

Glenda felt light as air as the coach trundled down Broad Way, and it wasn’tjust from lack of sleep. That stuff about boats, I really hope he doesn’t thinkit’s all about ships.

There was a crowd outside the university when they arrived, just as yesterday,but it seemed to have a different complexion now. People were staring at herand Nutt, and there was something wrong with the way they were looking.

She reached over to the mound that was Trev, pretended not to hear a girlishgiggle and said, ‘Trev. Could you, er, have a look at this. I think there’sgoing to be trouble.’

Trev, very tousled, stuck his head out and said, ‘Hmm, me too. Let’s all nip inaround the back.’

‘We could stay on and get off at the Post Office,’ said Glenda.

‘No,’ said Trev. ‘We ’aven’t done anythin’ wrong.’

As they dismounted from the coach a small boy said to Nutt, ‘Are you the orc,mister?’

‘Yes,’ said Nutt, as he helped Glenda down. ‘I am an orc.’

‘Cool! Have you ever twisted someone’s head off?’

‘I don’t believe so. I am sure I would have remembered,’ said Nutt.

This got if not applause then a certain amount of approval from some of thebystanders. It’s his voice, thought Glenda. He sounds posher than a wizard. Youcan’t imagine a voice like that with its hands around somebody’s head.

At this point the back gate opened and Ponder Stibbons came hurrying through.‘We saw you from the Hall,’ he said, grabbing Nutt. ‘Come in quick. Where haveyou all been?’

‘We ’ad to go to Sto Lat,’ said Trev.

‘On business,’ said Juliet.

‘Personal,’ said Glenda, daring Ponder to object. ‘Is there something wrong?’

‘There was something in the paper this morning. We have not been having a verynice time,’ said Ponder, towing them into the relative safety of theundercrofts.

‘’ave they been sayin’ somethin’ nasty about Mister Nutt?’ said Trev.

‘Not exactly,’ said Ponder. ‘The editor of the Times came round, in person, andwas knocking on the door to see the Archchancellor at midnight. He wanted toknow all about you.’ This was said directly to Nutt.