I knocked on the door politely.

A woman's voice: "Door's open. Come on in."

I pushed it open. The first thing that struck me was the smell of lilac perfume.

And then, Colonel Lizard Tirelli came out of the kitchen wearing an apron and an embarrassed smile. "Come on in, Jim."

"I GUESS I owe you an explanation-and an apology," she began. "I should think so." I was still standing in the doorway. "Come in, Jim, and close the door behind you." When I didn't move, she stepped past me and pushed the door shut herself, then she took me by the hand and led me into the room. "Lieutenants," she muttered. She pointed at the couch. "Sit down and listen."

I sat. She pulled up a chair and sat down opposite me. "Do you want something to drink?" she asked.

I shook my head. The apartment was furnished very comfortably. There was nothing at all to indicate that it was eighty feet underground.

Lizard began softly. "I treated you abominably, I know. Believe me, I feel terrible about it-but there's a very good reason why it had to be this way."

"A good reason? Yeah?" I waited.

"The problem is.. ." she continued, "I can't tell you what that reason is. All I can do is ask you to forgive me." She searched my face expectantly. "Jim?"

This did not make sense.

I shook my head. "I don't know. I'm confused." I rubbed my forehead, my face. I looked back at her. I couldn't think of any words to say. "I-just- You're crazy! You know that?"

She sighed and nodded her agreement. "Very probably, I am. But this is the only way I could make it work."

"Make what work?"

She looked unhappy. "My promise-to you."

"Your promise-?" I crossed to her and pulled her to her feet. I held her arms and demanded, "Just what the hell is going on?" She went rigid in my grasp, but her expression wasn't angry-it was frightened. Of me?

Abruptly, she burst out in frustration: "I'm being monitored! You're being monitored! By the military! This is the only place where we're guaranteed any privacy. I think." I let go of her in surprise. I could still smell her perfume. Lilac.

"Monitored-? Why?"

She shrugged helplessly. "Why not?"

I stared at her. My mind was whirling. "So that little performance upstairs-that wasn't for me? Was it?"

"I am so sorry about that. . ." she said.

"You did that to me without-?" I could feel the fury rising into my face. "I don't understand. I've been monitored before. Everybody on the goddamn base knew about the time Ted got me drunk. They're already gossiping about you and me. So what does it matter if somebody sees us or looks at a tape or something-?"

"You don't know. It matters to me!" she said.

"Why didn't you tell me-?"

"I couldn't!"

"Why? What am I-some kind of a cretin, or a thing-that you'll only be my friend if you can keep it a secret from me?"

"Y'know, it isn't easy being your friend!" she snapped back. "Sometimes you are a jerk."

"And you're a stuck-up, fat-assed, iron-clad, dragon-faced, redheaded gorgon who can't even keep a plastic eggbeater in the sky! But you're the one who wants to go to bed with me!"

"My ass is not fat! And I thought it was mutual-"

"It was!" I shouted back.

"Well then-" And suddenly, she was flustering close to tears. Lizard? "--Can't you just accept it? Jim, please?"

"And wake up tomorrow and find you've turned back into Medusa? Dammit! That hurt!"

"Jim-" She took my hands in hers. Her eyes were incredibly blue. "I am so terribly sorry and unhappy to have hurt you. You are an extraordinarily precious human being. Please believe me, if there had been any other way-but this was the only way I could manage it."

"I want to believe you," I said. "I really do. . . ." I kept on holding her hands in mine. They were very warm. "But I-I just don't know-"

"I wanted to be with you tonight," she said. "That was the whole purpose of this-"

"I want to be with you too!" I felt my throat tightening. "I just want to know that you care."

"I do care." Her voice was very soft. "Believe me. I really do." I couldn't deny it. She was telling the truth.

And I wanted her so badly

I leaned forward and touched my lips to hers. She tasted sweet. After several eternities, we broke apart and looked at each other. We were both relieved-and embarrassed.

"So you'll stay for dinner?" she asked.

"Well ... maybe. What are you making?"

"C rations and bottled water."

"You promised me a lobster."

"Listen, it was hard enough to reserve the apartment-"

"I'm sorry, it's lobster or nothing."

"Well... all right." She led me into the dining room.

The lobster on the table was large enough to have been a threat to dogs, cats and small children when it was alive. There was a bottle of wine chilling in the bucket.

"Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?"

She shrugged. "When the day comes that I can't out-think a lieutenant-"

I pulled away from her. "Hold it! Before we go any further-no more military stuff, okay?"

Colonel Lizard Tirelli of the United States Army, Special Forces Warrant Agency nodded her head in agreement. She unpinned her long red hair and let it cascade down to her shoulders. "Deal," she said.

Dinner passed like a dream.

She was too beautiful. I couldn't stop watching her. We traded a lot of embarrassed smiles and kept our conversation deliberately casual.

"I have to admit something," I said.

"What's that?"

"I-was jealous of you. I thought that you and Danny Anderson were-you know-lovers."

"Really?" She laughed. "Don't be silly. Danny's gay."

"Huh? You're kidding! I'll be damned. Is that why Duke-?" I shut my mouth.

"Probably. "

"Well. Gosh." I shook my head unbelievingly.

"I have to admit something too."

"What?"

"I was jealous that you were spending too much time with Lois Fletcher."

"No!"

"Yes."

"But she's-" I shrugged. "I just never thought of her that way."

"I'm glad-"

Eventually we moved to the bedroom and I started to tense up again. I didn't know why.

While I waited for her, I busied myself with bridegroom things. I turned the lights and the music low. I turned back the bed. Finally, I pulled off my clothes and slipped between the sheets to wait.

After all this time--

She came out of the bathroom wearing a nightgown so sheer two silkworms couldn't have spent more than an afternoon on it. She got into bed next to me and I wondered if I should reach for her. I wanted to.

I looked over at her.

She looked back at me expectantly. "Are you going to make the first move?" she asked. "Or should I?"

"Uh-" I said. This wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. "You are so beautiful......"

She stroked my cheek. "You don't need the compliments any more, Jim. We're beyond that." She added gently, "Now we're at foreplay."

I said, "I-I know this is going to sound stupid, but you're too beautiful. I don't know if I can make love to a woman as beautiful as you."

She looked like she was about to laugh-she smothered it quickly, compassionately. "I'll let you in on a secret," she said. "I'm really very plain. I walked into that bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror and said, `Ick. What a mess.' Really. But then I said, `But Jim deserves the best, so I'm going to pretend to be gorgeous, just for him.' And see, you believed it."

"I think you over did it," I said. "I hate to admit this-but I'm scared as hell!"

"You're kidding." She said it straight out.

"I am twenty-four years old," I said. "I lost my virginity when I was nineteen. I have been with three different girls in my life-four, if you count Ted. That's it, the sum total of my experience. I have never been with a woman as intensely beautiful as you are. And-" I added, "I have never been with anyone I cared about as much as you."