"And he invited you?"
"I don't know. I guess he's been told to show up and behave at the wedding. Brewster Payne's going to give her away, and I suspect he was responsible for the invitation."
"Who is she marrying?"
"The story gets curiouser and curiouser," Hammersmith said. "A cop."
"A cop?"
"Well, a captain. A fellow named Pekach. He's the head of Highway Patrol."
"Where did she meet him?"
"The story as I understand it is that her place in Chestnut Hill kept getting burglarized. She complained to the mayor, or Payne complained to the mayor for her, and the mayor sent the Highway Patrol:"
"Carlucci's Commandos," Wheatley interrupted. "That's what theLedger calls the Highway Patrol."
"Right. So, as the story goes, His Honor the Mayor sent the head commando, this Captain Pekach, to calm the lady down, and it was love at first sight."
"What does this lady look like?"
"Actually, she's rather attractive."
"Then why didn't you arrange for me to meet her?"
"You don't have a motorcycle and a large pistol. The lady probably wouldn't have been interested in you."
"I could have gone out and bought them," Marion Claude Wheatley said. "In a good cause."
He smiled at Hammersmith and Hammersmith smiled back. He was pleased that he had decided to take Wheatley to lunch. There was no longer a gnawing suspicion that Wheatley was queer. It could have been awkward at First Philadelphia if that had come out. Everyone knew that he relied heavily on Wheatley's advice, and there would have been talk if something embarrassing had developed.
EIGHT
Detective Matthew M. Payne was the guest of Brewster C. Payne for lunch at the Union League. On the way into Philadelphia from Upper Darby, while pumping gas into the Porsche, he had seen a pay telephone and remembered that his father had left a message on the answering machine to which he had not responded. He'd called him, and been invited to lunch.
He had hung up the phone thinking that virtuewas its own reward. He had nobly been the dutiful son, and only in the middle of the conversation realized that his father would have the solution to what he should do with his Las Vegas winnings.
Brewster Payne arrived first and was asked by the headwaiter how many would be in his party.
"Just my son, Charley."
"Then you wouldn't mind sitting at a small table?"
"Not at all."
One of the prerogatives of being a member of the Board of Governors was being able to walk into the dining room anytime before twelve-thirty without a reservation and finding a good four-place table with a RESERVED sign on it was available to you.
Brewster Payne had just been served, without having to ask for it, a Famous Grouse with an equal amount of water and just a little ice, when he saw his son stop at the entrance and look around for him.
He thought, as he very often did, it is incredible that that welldressed, very nice young man is a policeman with a gun concealed somewhere on his person. A gun, even more incredibly, with which he has killed two people.
Matt spotted him and smiled and walked across the room. Brewster Payne got to his feet and extended his hand. At the last moment, he moved his hand to his son's shoulders and gave him a brief hug.
"I didn't know how long I would have to wait, so I ordered a drink."
"I am ninety seconds late, just for the record."
A waiter appeared.
"I'll have a Tuborg, please," Matt ordered.
"Your sister is annoyed with you."
"Anything else new?"
"Have you called her?"
"No."
"I think you should have. She wanted to know how things went in Las Vegas."
"Vis-a-vis Precious Penny, more smoothly than I would have thought," Matt said. "She only said 'Fuck you, Matt' twice."
"What was that about?"
"Idle conversation," Matt said. "She left a message on the machine, very sweetly thanking me for going out there and fetching her home. I don't really have anything to tell Amy; that's why I didn't call her."
"That you had nothing to report would have been useful in itself."
"Okay, I'll call her."
"You don't have to now. She went out to Chestnut Hill this morning and saw her."
"Great," Matt said. "Then that's over. Ask me what else happened in Las Vegas."
"What else happened in Las Vegas?"
Matt reached in his pocket and handed his father the $3,700 check from the Flamingo.
"And I have another three thousand in cash," Matt said as soon as he saw his father's eyebrows raise in surprise.
Brewster Payne looked at him.
"Three thousand more in cash?"
Matt nodded. "What do I do with it?"
"What were you playing?"
"Roulette."
"I didn't know you knew how to play roulette."
"Now you do. I think I have found my niche in life." He saw the look in his father's eyes and added: "Hey, I'm kidding."
"I hope so. How did this happen?"
"I started out to lose twenty dollars and got lucky and lost my mind."
"Lost your mind?"
"If I had been thinking clearly, I would have quit when I was four thousand odd ahead. But I didn't, and went back to the tables and won another twenty-seven hundred."
"Then you were smart enough to quit?"
"Then it was time to go get Penny."
Brewster Payne shook his head and tapped the check with a long, thin finger.
'The first thing you do is put enough of this in escrow to pay your taxes."
"What taxes?"
"Income taxes. Gambling winnings are taxable."
"That's outrageous!"
Brewster Payne smiled at his son's righteous indignation.
"'The law is an ass,' right?"
"That sums it up nicely," Matt said. And then he had a thought. " How does the IRS know I won? Or how much I won?"
Brewster Payne held the check up.
"You'll notice your social security number is on here. They're required to inform the IRS, and they do."
"What about the three thousand in cash?"
"An unethical lawyer might suggest to you that you could probably conceal that from the IRS and get away with it. I am not an unethical lawyer, andyou are an officer of the law."
"Jesus H. Christ!"
"Pay the two dollars, Matt. Sleep easy."
"It's nottwo dollars!"
"You're a big boy. Do what you like."
"So what do I do with it?"
"My advice would be to put it in tax-free municipals. You've already got a good deal of money in them. If you'd like, I'll take care of it for you."
Matt's indignation had not run completely down.
"You win, we get our pound of flesh. Youlose, tough luck, right?"
"Essentially," Brewster Payne said. "And if you would like some additional advice?"
"Sure."
"I would not tell your mother about this. Right now she thinks of you as her saintly son who went out to the desert to help a sick girl. I would rather have her think that than to have a mental picture of you at the Las Vegas craps tables…"
"Roulette."
"…roulette tables, surrounded by scantily dressed chorus girls."
"It's true."
"What's true?"
"They have some really good-looking hookers out there."
"But you, being virtuous, had nothing to do with them, and were rewarded by good luck at the roulette tables?"
"Absolutely. I have the strength of ten because in my heart, I'm pure."
"When do you go back to work?"
"Tomorrow, probably. I've got to go to Chief Lowenstein's office at half past one. I suspect that someone is going to tell me that when I go back to work, I say I was doing paperwork in the Roundhouse, not running out to Vegas to fetch Precious Penny."
The waiter appeared and interrupted the conversation to take their order.
"Have you plans for tonight?"
"No, sir."
"I think your mother would like to have you for dinner. She's making a leg of lamb."