Erin wanted to argue, but she knew better. She didn't want Nick to come back. Not when her heart was still pounding and her lips tingled with the feel of his mouth against hers. Lowering herself to the sofa, she watched him walk out the door, wondering how in the world she was going to handle working for a man who made her lose control every time he touched her.
Nick had always prided himself on control. That's what made it so impossible to believe he'd just gone against every shred of intelligence he'd amassed over the last thirty-eight years, and kissed Erin McNeal. His deputy, for Pete's sake! A woman with a wild streak that ran right down the center of what was probably a very pretty back. What was the matter with him, reacting like an oversexed schoolboy, when he was grown man with a man's responsibilities?
But Nick knew that kiss wasn't the worst of it. He'd wanted her with the kind of urgency he hadn't felt for… too long to acknowledge. If she hadn't pulled away, he wouldn't have stopped. Not with one kiss. Not even with two. How the hell was he going to handle this?
"Damn you, Frank," he murmured.
Pausing at his truck, he risked a glance at the window of her second-floor apartment. The lights were still on. He was still aroused, and the frustration pounding in his groin annoyed him no end.
Gritting his teeth, he unlocked the truck door and slid inside. He'd have to be careful in the coming weeks. As much as he didn't want to admit it, maybe he was more vulnerable than he'd thought. Not emotionally, he assured himself, but physically. After all, a man's needs could be shoved aside for only so long. Nick needed female companionship. Steph would eventually get used to the idea of having a woman around. Maybe a woman would help fill the void in both their lives.
What Nick didn't need was Erin McNeal. Just because she made him hot around the collar didn't mean she was right for him. She was exactly the kind of woman he wouldn't bring into Stephanie's life. His little girl had already been hurt once by a reckless adult. He'd rip out his own heart before he'd let that happen again.
It struck him then that Erin was the first woman he'd kissed since Rita's death. That it hadn't been a chaste kiss disturbed him and made him realize he'd taken a step into yet uncharted territory.
Unexpectedly, the old, familiar pain stirred deep in his chest, the wound so newly healed that it still bled when probed. Nick rode the waves of pain, surprised by their force after three long years. The grief still cut him on occasion. Rita's death had taken something vital out of him, bits and pieces that could never be replaced. Nick had vowed the day he buried her that he would never again put himself through the agony of loving someone.
Shoving thoughts of Rita ruthlessly aside, he muttered an oath, his voice sounding low and rough in the silence of his truck. Erin McNeal was off-limits. Not only to protect himself, but to protect Stephanie. After what had happened today, Nick knew with the utter certainty of a man who'd already experienced hell that Erin would hurt them both if he allowed it. No matter how much he wanted her, no matter how much he liked the way she looked, or respected her as a police officer, he could never allow himself to care.
Slamming the truck into gear, he pulled onto the street and started for home. No, he assured himself, he didn't care about Erin. She didn't need him looking out for her. If she wanted to self-destruct, that was her business.
Hopefully, he would be able to talk Mrs. Thornsberry into sitting with her tonight. Nick knew it was a copout, but he wasn't up to it-even if Erin was one of his deputies. The fact of the matter was he wasn't the only one who hadn't been prepared for that kiss. He'd seen the shock on Erin 's face as well. Another reason stacked on top of a dozen others to keep his distance. The more successful he was at avoiding her, he decided, the better off they'd both be in the long run.
Chapter 6
Erin didn't want to think about the kiss. She didn't want to deal with the reality that in the instant Nick's mouth had been pressed against hers the world had melted away and nothing existed except the moment between them. The ramifications of that line of thinking were too dangerous-even for a risk taker like herself. To acknowledge that he'd been on her mind every waking hour since was to admit she was susceptible to him. That she'd wanted him to kiss her. That she wanted him to kiss her again.
She refused to believe any of those things.
Erin figured she was getting pretty good at denial.
As she left the town limits and drove toward his house, she told herself the only reason she was going to Stephanie's party was for the little girl's sake. She might be a difficult child, but considering the hand she'd been dealt-namely the death of her mother and a devastating spinal injury- Erin couldn't blame her. She couldn't ignore her birthday. Steph needed every ounce of kindness the adults around her could give.
Erin knew it would only make things worse if she alienated herself from Nick. He might have the wrong idea about her, and they might have different philosophies on police work and law enforcement in general. They'd definitely made a mistake with the embrace and that fateful kiss. But he was still her boss, and this job was too important to blow because of something as silly as a kiss. Come hell or high water, she was going to make it work.
Just because she'd barely seen him in the last week didn't mean that encounter had affected their professional relationship. It didn't mean he was avoiding her. Or that she couldn't look him in the eye. They were adults, she told herself for the hundredth time. They could handle this. Dammit, she could handle it, even if he couldn't.
Shoving thoughts of Nick aside, she looked down at the wrapped package on the passenger seat beside her and smiled. It had taken her most of the day yesterday-her day off-and a trip to Chicago, but she'd finally found the perfect gift for Stephanie. A veil of satisfaction settled over her; she couldn't wait to see that little girl smile.
Five minutes later, she pulled into the driveway and parked next to Nick's Suburban. Though it was early evening, she'd expected to see kids playing on the swing set or shooting baskets in the hoop by the garage. But the yard was deserted. Bandito grazed contentedly near the fence, swatting flies with a tail that was a little too long, a little too tangled. There were no laughing children. No games of hide-and-seek. No adults lounging in lawn chairs. Beside Nick's Suburban and Mrs. Thornsberry's old Buick, the only other car there was Hector's.
Lifting the package, she got out of the cruiser and made her way to the front door. She told herself she wasn't nervous about seeing Nick. She wasn't here to see him, though the fact that she would was inevitable. Still, the thought of facing him after the kiss they'd shared made her palms sweat.
She told herself it was silly to get nervous over a friendly embrace that had gotten out of hand. This was a kid's birthday party, for goodness sake. Erin was on her dinner hour and only had about forty-five minutes before she had to get back to her shift. Enough time, she mused, to give Stephanie her gift and grab that piece of cake Mrs. Thornsberry had promised. And maybe even show Nick she wasn't avoiding him-since that kiss obviously hadn't meant a thing to either of them.
Wiping her damp palms on her uniform slacks, Erin rang the bell. Her heart stopped dead in her chest when the man in question opened the door. She'd never seen Nick out of uniform, and the sight of him made her feel light-headed. It didn't surprise her that he looked even better in faded jeans. The black Polo shirt he wore made his eyes look darker. She wondered if he was one of those people whose eyes changed with their moods.