"If you want," said Selene, sounding hesitant, "I can help you feel better."

"What do you mean?" I asked. For a wild moment I wondered, Is she offering me drugs?

"Well, I'm picking up waves of upset, discord, unhappiness, anger," she said. "We could make a small, two-person circle and try to get you to a better place."

I caught my breath. I had only ever made a circle with Cal and our coven. What would it be like with someone who was even more powerful than he was? I found myself saying, "Yes, please, if you don't mind."

Selene smiled, looking very much like Cal. "Come on, then."

The house was shaped like a U, with a middle part and two wings. She led me to the back of the left wing, through a very large room that I figured she must use for her coven's circles. She opened a door that set into the wall paneling, so you could barely see it. I felt a thrill of pure, childlike delight Secret doors!

We stepped into a much smaller, cozier room furnished only with a narrow table, some bookshelves, and candelabras on the walls. Selene lit the candles.

"This is my private sanctuary," she said, brushing her fingers over the doorjamb. For a fleeting moment I saw sigils glimmering there. They must be for privacy or protection. But I had no idea how to read them. There was so much I needed to learn. I was a complete novice.

Selene had already drawn a small circle on the wooden floor, using a reddish powder that gave off a strong, spicy scent. She motioned me into the circle with her and then closed it behind us.

"Let's sit down," she said. With us facing each other, sitting cross-legged on the floor, there was very little room inside the circle.

We each sprinkled salt around our half of the circle, saying, "With this salt, I purify my circle."

Then Selene closed her eyes and let her head droop, her hands on her knees as if doing yoga. "With every breath out, release a negative emotion. With every breath in, take in white light, healing light, soothing and calming light. Feel it enter your fingers, your toes, settle in your stomach, reach up through the crown of your head."

As she spoke her voice became slower, deeper, more mesmerizing. My eyes were closed, my chin practically resting on my chest. I breathed out forcing air completely out of my lungs. Then I breathed in, listening to her soothing words.

"I release tension," she murmured, and I repeated it after her without hesitation.

"I release fear and anger," she said, her words floating to me on a sea of calm. I repeated it and literally felt the knots in my stomach begin to uncoil, the tightness in my arms and calves unravel.

"I release uncertainty," she said, and I followed her.

We breathed deeply, silently for several minutes. My headache dissolved, my temples ceased throbbing, my chest expanded, and I could breath more easily.

"I feel calm," Selene said.

"Me too," I agreed dreamily. I sensed rather than saw her smile.

"No, say it," she prompted, humor in her voice.

"Oh. I feel calm," I said.

"Open your eyes. Make this symbol with your right hand," she prompted, drawing in the air with two fingers.

I watched her, then carefully drew in the air one straight line down, then a small triangle attached to the top, like a little flag.

"I feel at peace," she said, drawing the same rune on my forehead.

"I feel at peace," I said, feeling her finger trace heat on my skin. The memory of what had happened to my birth parents receded into the distance. I was aware of it, but it had less power to hurt me.

"I am love. I am peace. I am strength."

I said the words, feeling a delicious warmth flow over me.

"I call on the strength of the Goddess and the God. I call on the power of the Earth Mother," said Selene, tracing another rune onto my forehead. This one felt like half of a lopsided rectangle, and as it sank into my skin I thought, Strength.

Selene and I were joined. I could feel her strength inside my head, feel her smoothing every wrinkle in my emotions, searching out every knot of fear, every snarl of anger. She probed deeper and deeper, and languidly I let her. She soothed away the pain until I was almost in a trance.

Ages later, I seemed to come awake again. Unbidden, I opened my eyes in time to see her raising her head and opening hers. I felt a little groggy and so much better, I couldn't help smiling. She smiled back.

"All right now?" she said softly.

"Oh, yes," I said, unable to put my feelings into words.

"Here's one more for you," she said, and she traced two triangles, touching, onto the backs of my hands. "That's for new beginnings."

"Thank you," I said, awed by her power. "I feel much better."

"Good." We stood, and she dissolved the circle and blew out the candles mounted around the small room. As we passed through the larger coven's room I saw a reflection of Selene's face in a huge, gilt-frame wall mirror. She was smiling. Her face was bright, almost triumphant as she led the way back to the foyer. Then the image was gone, and I thought I must have imagined it.

At the front door she patted my arm, and I thanked her again. Then I practically floated to my car, not feeling the slightest bit of November wind, November chill. I felt absolutely perfect all the way home. I didn't even wonder where Cal had been.

August 14, 1981

The coven over at Much Bencham has three new students, they tell us. We have none. Tara and Cliff were the last to join Belwicket as students, and that was three years ago. Until Lizzie Sims turns fourteen in four years, we have no one. Of course, at Much Bencham they take almost anyone who wants to study.

I say we should do the same—if we could even convince anyone to join us. Belwicket chose its own path a long time ago, and it is not for everyone. But we must expand. If we stick to only blood-born, clan-born witches, we will surly die out. We must seem out others of our kind, mingle clans. But Ma and the elders have shot me down time and again. They want us to remain pure. They refuse to let outsiders in.

Maybe some in Belwicket would rather die.

— Bradhadair

When I got home that night, my parents' light was already out, and if my car's rumbling engine woke them up, they didn't show it. Mary K. had waited up for me, listening to music in her room. She looked up and took off her headphones when I poked my head in.

"Hi," I said, feeling a deep love for her. After all, she'd always been my sister, if not by blood, then by circumstance. I regretted hurting her.

"Where did you go?" she asked.

"To Cal's. He wasn't there, but I talked to his mom."

Mary K. paused. "It was awful after you left, I thought Mom was going to burst into tears. Everyone was really embarrassed."

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. "It's just that I can't believe Mom and Dad kept this to themselves my whole life. They lied to me." I shook my head. "Tonight I realized that Aunt Eileen, and our other relatives, and Mom and Dad's friends all know I'm adopted. I just felt so stupid for not knowing myself. I was just… furious that they never told me when all these other people know."

"Yeah, I hadn't thought of that," said Mary K., frowning slightly. "But you're right. They would all know." She looked at me." I didn't know. You believe that, don't you?"

I nodded. "There's no way you'd be able to keep a secret like that." I smiled as Mary K. aimed her pillow at me.

The blanket of peace, forgiveness, and love that Selene Belltower had wrapped around over me was still cocooning me in its comfortable embrace. "Look, it's going to be pretty awful for a while. Mom and Dad have to tell me about my past and how I was adopted. I can't stop till I know. But it doesn't mean I don't love you or them. We'll get through it somehow," I said.