“What?” Lissa stammered. “Why would I do that? Rose dropped out. No way am I going to.”

“Yeah, I suppose.” Mia turned speculative. “You guys are just so close-even without the bond. I assumed you’d follow each other to the ends of the earth and figure out the details later.” Mia’s own life had gone through so much upheaval that she took that kind of thing in stride.

That weird, fluctuating anger I’d been feeling pop up in Lissa every so often suddenly reared its head and turned on Mia. “Yeah, well, if we were so close, then it seems like she wouldn’t have left in the first place. She’s the selfish one, not me.”

The words stung me and clearly shocked Mia. Mia had a temper of her own, but she sat on it and simply held up her hands in an apologetic way.

She really had changed. “Sorry. Wasn’t trying to accuse you of anything.”

Lissa said nothing else. Since my departure, she’d beat herself up about a lot of things. She’d gone over and over things she could have done for me before or after the attack, things that might have made me stay. But it had never occurred to her to go with me, and the revelation hit her like a smack to the face. Mia’s words made her feel guilty and angry all at the same time-and she wasn’t sure who she was the maddest at: me or herself.

“I know what you’re thinking,” said Adrian a few minutes later, once Mia had led Jill away and promised to meet up later.

“What, you read minds now?” asked Lissa.

“Don’t have to. It’s written all over your face. And Rose never would have let you go with her, so stop agonizing over it.”

They entered the royal guest housing, which was just as lush and opulent as it had been when I’d stayed there. “You don’t know that. I could have talked her into it.”

“No,” said Adrian sharply. “You couldn’t have. I’m serious-don’t give yourself one more thing to be depressed about.”

“Hey, who said I’m depressed? Like I said, she abandoned me.”

Adrian was surprised. Since my departure, Lissa had been more sad than anything. She’d occasionally been angry at my decision, but neither Adrian nor I had seen such vehemence from her. Dark feelings boiled within her heart.

“I thought you understood,” said Adrian, with a small, puzzled frown. “I thought you said you’d-”

Avery suddenly interrupted, giving Adrian a sharp look. “Hey, hey. Leave her alone, okay? We’ll see you at the reception.”

They were at a point where the groups had to split, girls going to one part of the lodging and guys to the other. Adrian looked like he wanted to say more, but instead he nodded and headed off with Reed and a couple of guardians. Avery put a gentle arm around Lissa as she glared at Adrian’s retreating figure.

“You okay?” Avery’s normally laughing face was filled with concern. It startled Lissa in the same way Adrian’s moments of seriousness always startled me.

“I guess. I don’t know.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over what you could have or should have done. The past is gone. Move on to the future.”

Lissa’s heart was still heavy, her mood blacker than it had been in quite a while. She managed a tight smile. “I think that’s the wisest thing you’ve ever said.”

“I know! Can you believe it? Do you think it’ll impress Adrian?”

They dissolved into laughter, yet despite her cheery exterior, Lissa was still struck by Mia’s offhand comments. They plagued Lissa in a way she hadn’t thought possible. What really bothered her the most wasn’t the thought that if she’d come with me, she could have kept me out of trouble.

No. Her biggest issue was that she hadn’t thought of coming with me in the first place. I was her best friend. As far as she was concerned, that should have been her immediate reaction to my departure. It hadn’t been, and now Lissa was racked with even more guilt than usual. The guilt was all-consuming, and she would occasionally transform it to anger to ease the pain. It didn’t help much.

Her mood didn’t improve as the evening progressed, either. Not long after the group’s arrival, the queen hosted a small reception for the most elite of all visitors who had come to the Court. Lissa was quickly discovering that the queen always seemed to be hosting some party or another. At one point in her life, Lissa would have considered that fun. She no longer did, at least not when it came to these kinds of parties.

But keeping her dark feelings locked up, Lissa stayed good at playing the role of nice royal girl. The queen seemed happy that Lissa had a “suitable” royal friend and was equally pleased when Lissa impressed other royals and dignitaries she was introduced to. At one point, though, Lissa’s resolve nearly faltered.

“Before you leave,” said Tatiana, “we should see about your guardians.”

She and Lissa stood together with a group of admirers and hangers-on who were keeping respectful distances. Lissa had been staring vacantly at the bubbles in her untouched champagne and looked up with a start.

“Guardians, your majesty?”

“Well, there’s no delicate way to put this, but now, for better or for worse, you’re without any protection.” The queen paused respectfully. “Belikov was a good man.”

My name naturally didn’t come to her lips. I might as well have never existed. She’d never liked me, particularly since she thought I was going to run off with Adrian. As it was, Lissa had noticed Tatiana watching with some consideration while Avery and Adrian flirted. It was hard to say if the queen disapproved. Her partying aside, Avery seemed a model girl-save that Tatiana had wanted Lissa and Adrian to eventually get together.

“I don’t need any protection right now,” said Lissa politely, her heart clenching.

“No, but you’ll be out of school soon enough. We think we’ve found some excellent candidates for you. One of them’s a woman-a lucky find.”

“Janine Hathaway offered to be my guardian,” said Lissa suddenly. I hadn’t known that, but as she spoke, I read the story in her mind. My mom had approached her not long after I left. I was a little shocked. My mom was very loyal to her current assignment. This would have been a big move for her.

“Janine Hathaway?” Tatiana’s eyebrows rose nearly to her hairline. “I’m sure she has other commitments. No, we’ve got much better choices. This young lady’s only a few years older than you.”

A better choice than Janine Hathaway? Not likely. Before Dimitri, my mother had been the gold standard by which I measured all badassedness.

Tatiana’s “young lady” was undoubtedly someone under the queen’s control-and more importantly, not a Hathaway. The queen didn’t like my mom any more than she liked me. Once, when Tatiana had been bitching me out for something, she’d made a reference to a man my mother had been involved with-someone whom I suspected might be my father, a guy named Ibrahim. The funny thing was, the queen had almost sounded like she had once had an interest in the guy too, and I had to wonder if that was part of her dislike for my family.

Lissa put on a tight, polite smile for the queen and thanked her for the consideration. Lissa and I both understood what was going on. This was Tatiana’s game. Everyone was part of her plan, and there was no way to go against her. For a brief moment, Lissa had that strange thought again, of something Victor Dashkov had once said to her. Aside from his crazy killing and kidnapping schemes, Victor had also wanted to start a revolution among the Moroi. He thought the power distribution was off-something Lissa occasionally believed too-and that it was wielded unfairly by those with too much control. The moment was gone almost as soon as it came. Victor Dashkov was a crazy villain whose ideas deserved no acknowledgment.

Then, as soon as courtesy allowed, Lissa excused herself from the queen and headed across the room, feeling like she was going to explode with grief and anger. She nearly ran into Avery as she did.