To one side of the field I found several objects, roughly spheroid, approximately a foot long, and slightly pointed at both ends. These had been placed in a box, indicating they must have been very precious to the goblins and thus objects of religious veneration. Also within the box was a crude wooden whistle, several skins used to hold water or-in light of the obviously religious character of the site-sacred wine, and several garments, which, though worn through use and the ages, were recognizable as holy vestments employed only during the most sacred rituals. They bore large numbers on the back and were emblazoned with names, which I translated after considerable difficulty, the meaning of which will become clear through perusing the document below.

In further examination of the field I discovered more evidence of ritual behavior: parts were churned up by the feet of many worshiping goblins, and along the sides were evidences of many spectators. In one place near the edge of the field was a heap of bottles that had at one time probably contained sacred drinks consumed during the ceremonies that were enacted upon the field.

[Note in margin: You'!! notice all the talk about drink. One of Ar-basinno's earliest "research projects" during his tenure at the Argivian University was an attempt in his laboratory to discover the exact composition of the sacred wine of the goblins. To this end he made a number of experiments, most of which ended in him drinking the results. One such experiment, involving too high a proportion of a particularly wlatik alcoholic derivative, resulted in the destruction of a substantial section of the Hall of Akhemical Research and permanently removed Ar-basinno's eyebrows. L.B.]

The document reproduced below was found in the remains of one of the dwellings near the field and was probably composed by a high priest. It takes the form of a letter to a fellow religious figure and explains the development of a significant ceremony in the Cult of Squee, whose existence I have established.

One final note is in order. Writing among the goblins seems to have employed spelling and grammatical conventions largely unknown to us, though clearly allowing them a high measure of precise communication. Indeed the goblin language, when properly rendered in speech, is one of unparalleled beauty and grace, which I have been accustomed to speak to my students.

[Note in margin: Yes, and the spectacle is enough to attract students carrying rotten fruit and vegetables from all over town. Word goes out that "looney Armand's at it again," and you can see the crowds coming for miles. L.B.]

If confusion should arise, the reader is advised to consult my well-known Dictionary of Goblinese, compiled by Armand Ar-basinno (I6 volumes).

Der Krank,

Hope dis lettr find you good. I iss fine too. Wether here good. Sum rain but sunny afferwards, bring out da bugs.

[Ar-basinno's note: The name "Krank" is probably a formal title. The discussion of weather in The Flarg is clearly preparatory to a more extensive discussion of the Squee-based ritual, which required a certain amount of alternating rain and sun. The word here given as "bugs" I have decided to translate as "followers" or "disciples. " Evidently the writer of the letter is anticipating a large gathering for the ritual, anticipated by his remarks on the weather.]

We made up noo game odder day, me an Fizzer. Member how we uze goblin bombs ta keep off bad men. Well we had a lotta em in big pile outside, an Druze tol me an Fizzer ta take em off ware dey couldn't hurt nobody outsida da houses.

[Ar-basinno's note: The phrase "goblin bombs" is particularly significant here. There can be no precise translation of this, but I think it is best understood as a type of votive object, one carried, as we shall see later, during religious ceremonies. Druze is clearly the title for the high priest, giving instructions to the Fizzers, that is, to his acolytes.]

Any way we took da bombs to dat big flat place outsid Squees house

[Ar-basinno's note: His temple.] an we waz havin fun trowin bombs ta each odder, tryin ta catch em when Squee came outta his house an yell at us dat we makin too much noise an he cant sleep.

[Ar-basinno's note: A tremendously significant passage. The Squee emerges from his temple, making himself manifest to his priests. This is clearly a most holy moment, indicated by the elevated language of the passage. Thus we see the priests, the Fizzers, manipulating the sacred objects, the "bombs" and calling forth the Squee, who responds to them with a ritual chant of some sort.]

[Note in margin: Where does he get these ideas? L. B.]

So me an Fizzer thro one a da bombs to him, an he catched it. We started ta run away an den we fell off a da side ware da mowtin is an start dis big rock slide so Squee couldnt catch us. We wuz laffin.

[Ar-basinno's note: The passage makes clear that the site of the temple of Squee was near the area I already uncovered at the ruins of The Flarg, the large, flat field.

Further indication that it was the site of a religious ritual is plain from the fact that various measurements-ten yards, twenty yards, thirty, and so on-are marked along one side of it in ancient goblinese, indicating, clearly, the path along which religious processions proceeded.]

Squee get so mad, he kick da bomb, an Fizzer cawt it before it bloo up an ran back up to da field. Squee run after him and try ta grab him, but I push him down an den we run off. Squee chase affer us, tryin ta grab da bomb, but we kep tossin it ta each odder.

[Ar-basinno's note: The Squee and the Fizzers engage in a ceremonial dialogue, each clearly responding with predetermined questions and answers, manipulating the sacred objects while passing along the holy road. We can be confident that the whole ceremony was witnessed by awe-struck devotees, who probably consumed the sacred drinks, as well as ritual-based food, during the event.]

[Note in margin: Well, when it comes to consuming sacred drink, whether of his own making or drawn from a tap, Ar-basinno's on familiar ground. I've seen him go through four bottles of wine during an evening's carousing. L. B.]

Fizzers sister an modder wuz watchin us an dey started yellin an laffin an cheerin.

[Ar-basinno's note: "Sister" and "Mother" here are obviously metaphorical. These are references to the high priestesses of Squee, who now join in the ceremony.]

Den dey wuz throwin grass clumps at us an dey started wavin roun big clumps a grass an jumpin up an down. We wuz laffin reely hard.

[Ar-basinno's note: Very important. As the procession of "bugs" led by the Fizzers moves toward the Squee manifestation, it is joined by the high priestesses, who wave plant fronds, thus signaling the coming of the new year through the benevolent agency of the Squee. Thus we find confirmation that the Squee cult was a fertility religion. I have discussed this subject extensively in my well-known and highly respected work The Regenderization and Dis-sexification of Goblinesque Interaction in the Period of Antiquity.]

[Note in margin: Oh, please! Ar-basinno has an amazing talent for overlooking the obvious. His interest in "fertility cults" was probably fueled by the fact that his wife left him- understandable, since he used to start every morning by reading sections of Regenderization to her over the breakfast dishes. When she left the house for the last time, she also left him with a black eye, which he explained to his colleagues at the university as the result of walking into a lamppost. Most of his acquaintances assumed from the shape of the bruise that his wife had heaved the "well-known and highly respected" work at him. L. B.]

So any ways, everbudy in da town come runnin and wuz watchin us throw da bomb aroun whan Fizzer drops it an it blows up. We found part of Fizzer on top a me roof later.