My mother reminded me to drive carefully about five hundred times before we finally arrived. When I honked, my gateman opened. I parked in the middle of the compound, some distance from the closed garage door.

‘Aboki, come and take these bags into the house.’

The man rushed to the boot and started manoeuvring the bags. I went ahead and unlocked the front door. After taking my mother and siblings on a tour of the exquisitely furnished living room, the ultramodern kitchen and the four en suite bedrooms, I led them back outside.

‘I have a surprise for you,’ I announced.

I unlocked the garage. Inside was a brand new Mercedes-Benz V-Boot.

‘Mummy, this is for you.’

Charity burst into tears. Eugene ’s eyeballs popped out of their sockets and bounced off the shiny, grey body of the car. My mother used her two hands to cover her face. Gradually, she dragged the hands down towards her mouth. I tucked the keys between her fingers and hugged her.

‘Mummy, whatever it is you want, just let me know. I’ll buy it for you.’

Charity and Eugene were jumping all over the garage, but my mother just studied the car in silence. Eventually, she hugged me back.

The rest of the day was almost like the good old days. My mother cooked, we ate together on the dining table, we sat in the living room and watched television. Back in Umuahia, the only channels we received were NTA Aba and IBC Owerri. Both commenced daily broadcasting at 4 p.m. and usually ended at about 10 p.m… Their primetime serving largely consisted of government-sponsored documentaries and repeats of locally produced sitcoms. But now that I could afford the pricey satellite TV subscription, I and my family laughed loudly to Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

‘I’m going to bed,’ my mother announced during the commercial break.

We tried persuading her to stay. But since my father passed away, she hardly stayed up to watch television once the seven o’clock news was over. Not long after she left, I heard her voice from the top of the stairs.

‘Kingsley!’

‘Yes, Mummy!’

‘Please come.’

I ran upstairs with the television remote control still in my hand. I did not want to miss what would happen to Will Smith when his uncle found him performing in the strip club.

‘Yes, Mummy?’

‘Come and sit down,’ she said softly.

I was tempted to tell her that I would come back later. Instead, I sat beside her on the wide, sleigh bed. First class design, imported from Italy.

‘Dimma has been complaining that Ogechi doesn’t read her books,’ my mother began. ‘She hasn’t been doing well in school.’

‘Really?’ I said with false shock.

‘Please try and call her from time to time to encourage her to read.’

That could never be the reason why my mother summoned me to this closed-door session. I continued playing along.

‘Tell Aunty Dimma not to worry. I’ll talk to Ogechi.’

We chatted more about Aunty Dimma, but soon, that bogus topic had certainly come to the end of its lifespan. My mother adjusted her feet in her bathroom slippers and scratched the back of her head.

‘By the way, Kingsley,’ she said as if it had just popped into her mind for the first time when her fingers jogged around her scalp, ‘what type of work is it you say you’re doing for Boniface?’

‘I told you I help him run his office.’

‘What type of business exactly is it that… that you help him out with?’

‘With contracts and investments.’

‘Contracts and investments? What type of contracts and with whom?’

I fiddled with the remote control and laughed without looking at her.

‘Mummy, why are you asking all these funny questions?’

‘Kingsley, they’re not funny questions. I want to know exactly what it is you do for a living… how you get all this money.’

‘Mummy, I’ve told you what I do. And you know Uncle Boniface is very generous. He gives me money from time to time. Just relax and enjoy yourself. Let me spoil you.’

‘Kingsley, that’s another thing,’ she said quietly. ‘I don’t want the car.’

I felt as if I had noticed a trickling of blood running down my leg right after giving her a hug. My mother saw my face and withdrew her knife.

‘I don’t really think I need a car right now,’ she said. ‘You know that at my age, I need exercise and the only exercise I get is by walking about.’

‘Mummy, what does that mean?’

She took a deep breath.

‘Kings, I don’t want the car.’

‘But-’

‘Whatever work it is you say you’re doing for Boniface, I think you should just get a proper job and leave that place. Don’t forget you’re from a good home. Don’t forget where you’re coming from. And you promised your daddy before he died that any other job was just temporary. You promised him you would get a Chemical Engineering job.’

That conversation with my father could certainly not count for a deathbed promise.

‘All right, I’ve heard you,’ I finally said. ‘Come, let’s go downstairs and watch TV.’

‘No it’s OK. I’m a bit tired. I want to rest.’

The sound of my siblings’ merry laughter rose from downstairs. At least, some of my efforts were not in vain.

Dear Shehu,

Thank you SO MUCH for your email. I’m HAPPY to say that

I CAN HELP! I’m SO SORRY to hear of the persecution of your relatives, the General’s wife and son. It must really be HORRIBLE for you all.

Please let me know how I can be of assistance in HELPING you obtain the funds.

Best,

Edgar Hooverson

PS: You mentioned you were going to give me 20% of the total sum. Does that mean I get $11.6 MILLION (eleven million six hundred thousand dollars)? Please clarify. Thank you.

It was not stem cell research or landing a man on the moon, but packaging a mugu was a science of its own. Whenever I did not handle things properly, my mugus became sceptical and vanished into thin air.

I had to explain the transaction in terms Edgar Hooverson could easily understand. I had to convince him that it was risk free and transparent at the same time. I had to make him feel that I was someone he could trust. I had to make him think that he was special, that Fate had recognised his significance in the universe and had decided to reward him at last. I had to make him see how vulnerable I was. I had to make him know how desperately we needed his help, how grateful we would be for any action he took on our behalf. I had to finetune him into believing that every word of my story was true. And then, of course, I had to emphasise my access to a lot of funds which I would gladly share with him as soon as our temporary predicament was resolved.

DEAR FRIEND,

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR RESPONSE TO MY DEAR SISTER’S EMAIL. YES, MR HOOVERSON. IF YOU HELP US WITH THIS TRANSACTION, WE WILL GIVE YOU 20% WHICH COMES TO $11.6 MILLION (ELEVEN MILLION SIX HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS). I HOPE THIS AMOUNT IS SATISFACTORY.

MR HOOVERSON, FROM NOW ON, BOTH OF US MUST WORK AS A VERY CLOSE TEAM. I HEREBY SUGGEST THAT WE CHOOSE A CODE WHICH SHALL PRECEDE EVERY ONE OF OUR CORRESPONDENCES. ALUTA CONTINUA, IS MY SUGGESTION, UNLESS OF COURSE YOU HAVE ANOTHER PREFERENCE.

THIS IS MY CODE NAME OF CHOICE OWING TO THE FACT THAT MY FAMILY IS CURRENTLY ENGAGED IN A STRUGGLE AGAINST INJUSTICE. BUT WE SHALL CONTINUE FIGHTING, FOR TRUTH MUST ALWAYS PREVAIL IN THE END. AS THE LATE UTHMAN DAN FODIO, ONE OF OUR GREAT LEADERS, SAID, ‘CONSCIENCE IS AN OPEN WOUND; ONLY TRUTH CAN HEAL IT.’ THIS CODE NAME MUST BE CONTAINED IN ALL OUR CORRESPONDENCES AND PHONE CONVERSATIONS. THE ESSENCE OF THIS MAY NOT BE IMMEDIATELY EVIDENT TO YOU, BUT MY DEAR FRIEND, UNFORTUNATELY, THERE IS A LOT OF CORRUPTION IN NIGERIA AND PEOPLE GET UP TO ALL SORTS OF DEVIOUS THINGS.