'Oh,' and 'oh,' the doctor said again.

'You'd better come with us,' said Derek.

'I think I better had,' said Big Bob's better half.

Derek gave the general ward a specific looking-over.

He peered under beds, he peered into bedpans, he peered behind curtains and into cupboards. He peered and then he poked about and then he peered some more.

'He'll ruin his eyes with all that peering,' said Minky. 'I had a brother once who used to peer. The wind changed twice and he was stuck with the kind of moustache that only comes off with turps.'

'I'm sure I've heard that line somewhere before,' said Derek, looking up from his peering and poking.

'There's nothing new upon God's Earth,' said Minky. 'Except for The Rapture, of course. That's new, but it has been expected.'

'You believe in it then, do you?' Kelly asked.

'Well you have to believe in something, don't you dear? My uncle used to believe that he was the reincarnation of Jesus. He was a Buddhist, you see. So he had the best of both worlds. He had the stigmata and when we were kiddies, he used to let us put our fingers through the holes in his hands. When he fell asleep we'd fill his holes with plasticine. You don't see plasticine around any more, do you dear? It's gone the way of crazy foam, Potty Putty and X-ray specs. Not to mention the see-back-oscope.'

'The see-back-oscope?' Kelly asked.

'I told you not to mention that!'

'Sorry,' said Kelly, twisting her hair into terrible knots.

'That's an awful nervous habit you have there,' Minky observed. 'You should see a specialist. But not that one doing all the peering. He'll soon be needing glasses.'

'Excuse me for saying this,' said Kelly. 'But you do appear to be quite untroubled about the possibility that your husband has been carried off by The Rapture.'

'It's the way he would have wanted to go.'

'Is it?'

'Well, he did mention once about wanting to be shot by a jealous husband when caught making passionate love to a twenty-year-old lap dancer, during the celebration of his ninety-third birthday. But men will say anything when you have one of their vital parts held tightly in your hand, won't they dear?'.

Tm sure your husband has been yearning for The Rapture,' said Kelly. 'I know I would.'

'You're too kind. So young man, with all your peering and poking, have you come to any conclusions?'

'I think I might need glasses,' said Derek. 'But there is some stuff on these sheets here.'

'Don't look at me,' said Dr Druid.

'Some residue,' said Derek.

'I said, don't look at me.'

'I'd like to take some samples. To get them analysed.'

Tm a doctor,' said Dr Druid. 'I could analyse them.'

'An independent analyst.'

'Spoily sport,' said the doctor.

'Just one thing,' said Minky. 'Just one. Where do I stand regarding my husband's life insurance policy? Will I be able to claim the money without a body? I mean, well, with him being taken bodily into Heaven. That's an Act of God, isn't it? And Acts of God aren't covered.'

'Good point,' said Dr Druid. 'There'd have to be a test case. I'll bet the insurance company won't pay up. They'd have to pay up on millions of policies, if they did.'

'That's most unfair of God,' said Minky. 'Rapturing away my husband and leaving me penniless. I've a good mind to change my religion. And come to think of it, how come God chose to Rapture up my Big Bob? I'm much nicer than he is. I'm the one who should have been Raptured.'

Kelly turned to Derek. 'I think we should go,' she said. 'There's nothing to be found here.'

Derek produced a pocket camera. Til just take one or two photographs,' he said.

'That seems sensible.'

'Yes it does,' said Minky. 'Do you want me to take my top off?'

Kelly looked at Derek.

Derek shook his head. Rather sadly, it seemed to Kelly.

'Oh go on,' said Dr Druid. 'You know that you want to.'

'And to think,' said Kelly. 'I almost liked you.'

'What?' said Derek. 'What?'

They sat in the bar of the Flying Swan, Brentford's finest alehouse. Eight premier hand-drawn beers on pump and an ambience that said that here was well and truly, truly, truly and most truly once and for ever again, a pub.

'You behaved like a total prat back there,' said Kelly. 'You lied and you connived and you actually had that woman take her top off.'

'I'm sorry,' said Derek. 'I went into newspaperman mode. But there is a story here, there's no doubt of that.'

'The Rapture?'

'Not The Rapture. That doctor's up to something.'

'I've no doubt at all about that.'

'I don't believe in vanishing patients. There's a more logical explanation. Medical malpractice probably. The illicit selling of organs. Things of that nature.'

'I've misjudged you,' said Kelly.

Derek smiled.

'No, I mean you are a total prat. No doubt whatsoever about it.'

'Come on now. Be fair.'

'Something happened in that hospital. Something bizarre. Something paranormal.'

'Rot,' said Derek. 'I mean, well, I disagree.'

'Come off it,' said Kelly. 'No doctor is going to make up the story that his patients vanished in front of his eyes. He could have said that they discharged themselves. He could have said anything. But not that. He called you because he didn't want to be blamed. He made that clear enough. No money was involved.'

'People don't just vanish,' said Derek.

'They do,' said Kelly. 'There have been cases, the Earl of Bathhurst, Kasper Hauser, Amy Johnson, Glenn Miller, Lord Lucan, Richard Branson

'Unexplained disappearances. That's not the same as just vanishing. And you seem to know a lot about this sort of business. You knew about The Rapture and everything.'

'I read a lot,' said Kelly. 'These things interest me.'

'Well they don't interest me. And although they might interest the readers of the Weekly World News, they won't interest the more sensible folk who purchase the Brentford Mercury.'

'This is a very nice pub,' said Kelly, looking all around it.

'And it's full of history. Pooley and Omally used to drink in here.'

'Oh yes?' said Kelly. 'This would be Pooley and Omally, the mythical heroes of Brentford, who thwarted the invasion of the borough by beings from the lost planet Ceres and numerous powers of darkness who chose to set foot in the borough?'

Derek grinned. 'Every borough has its folklore and its heroes,' he said. 'There are people in Brentford who claim that they actually knew Pooley and Omally.'

'And do you believe them?'

'No, of course I don't.'

'So, what are you going to do about what Mr Holmes might well refer to as "The Singular Case of the Vanishing Bus Men"?'

'Actually I've had second thoughts and I'm going to pass on it,' said Derek. 'Because I don't want to make a total prat of myself by writing it up and then have them come wandering home.'

'I see,' said Kelly. 'Then would you have any objections to me following it up?'

'It's neither here nor there, with me. You can do \vhat you like. But don't expect Mr Shields to print anything you come up -with.'

'I think this might prove to be rather important.'

'And I think you'll be wasting your time. Same again?'

Kelly looked into her empty glass. 'No thanks,' she said. 'I think I'll call it a night. I've got digs in Abbadon Street, I think I'll go back now. Pick up a chicken and mushroom pie and a bag of chips on the way back.'

'But I thought you were a vegetarian.'

'And I might well have been. But I'm not. And I made a mistake by accepting your invitation to dinner.'

'You invited me, I recall.'

Kelly smiled.

'Listen,' said Derek. 'You really have me all wrong. Let me buy you another drink. The chippy stays open late, you won't miss your chicken pie.'