The morning air was still and heavy as I walked over to my house. It was that last moment of quiet before the early risers get up; I felt like I could breathe in the peaceful sleep of my family and my neighbors and the whole town. After silently making my way to my room, I kicked off my shoes and looked for just a minute out the window. The rim of the horizon was just barely highlighted with pink: the dawn of a new day.

I woke up later that same morning, not even caring how late I was for school. When I went downstairs Hilary looked up in surprise from the yoga mat she had spread on the living room floor. She glanced at the mantel clock, then looked thoughtful.

“It’s Friday, isn’t it?” she said. “Aren’t you supposed to be in school?”

“Yeah,” I said wearily, collapsing on the couch.

“Are you sick again, or did you and your friend stay up too late talking on the phone?”

“I’m sick again.”

She uncoiled herself and came to look at me. She wasn’t wearing makeup, and somehow she looked both younger and older than twenty-five. I wondered what it was that made my dad so crazy about her. Reaching out, she pressed her hand against my forehead.

“Hm. Well, I guess I should call the school.”

“Thanks,” I said, not having expected her cooperation. It had never occurred to me that my twenty-five-year-old stepmother-to-be would actually have the authority to do stuff like this.

“Why don’t you go back upstairs and get into bed? Do you need anything?”

“No thanks.” I hauled myself up and headed to my room as I heard her dialing the school’s number.

When I woke up again later, I heard light footsteps in the hall. Hilary tapped on my door and opened it. “Are you awake?”

“Uh-huh.” The open eyes are always a good clue.

“It’s past lunch. Are you hungry?”

I thought.“Uh-huh.”

“Come on downstairs and I’ll fix you some nice sardines on crackers,” she said, and I stared at her in horror before I noticed she had an evil grin on her face.

I couldn’t help smiling back. “Good one.”

In the kitchen I fixed myself a PB&J, poured some juice, and sat down.

Hilary sat down across from me. I sighed but tried to hide it behind the sandwich. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, she was going to be part of my life. And so was my half sibling. So I should probably make an effort to get along better. I should also ask my doctor for a prescription for Prozac. That could help.

“How’s school going?” she asked, destroying all my good intentions.

I looked at her matter-of-factly. “It’s high school. It sucks.” I waited for her to tell me about how it had been the most wonderful four years of her life, how she was captain of the pep squad—

“Yeah. Mine sucked, too,” she said, and my mouth dropped open. “I hated it. I thought it was so stupid and pointless. I mean, I liked a couple of classes, when I had good teachers. And I liked seeing my friends. But you couldn’t pay me to go back. It didn’t seem to have anything to do with real life.”

She was warming to her topic. I stared at this new Hilary in fascination, chewing my sandwich.

“You know what real life is?” she went on. “Knowing how to make change from a dollar. Knowing that virtually everything is alphabetized. That’s real life.”

“What about mortgages, life insurance, lawn care?” I asked.

“You pick that stuff up as you go along. They don’t teach that in school, anyway. Now, college was different, I have to say. College was cool. You could control what you wanted to study and when. You could decide to go to class or not, and no one would hassle you. I looooved college. I took tons of lit and art courses, and fun stuff like women’s studies and comparative religion.”

“What did you graduate with?”

“A basic liberal arts degree, a bachelor’s. Nothing useful for a job or anything.” She laughed. “It would have been better if I had studied to be an accountant.” She put her arms over her head and stretched. “Which is why I’m doing medical transcription from home. It requires knowing how to listen, read, and type. And I can set my own hours, and the money isn’t bad, and I’ll be able to do it after the baby’s born.”

“Is that what you’re doing on the computer all the time?” I had thought she was writing a romance novel or having an Internet relationship or something.

“Yeah. Which reminds me. I need to get back to it. Right after Life and Love. Want to watch?”

“Okay.” I felt compelled to follow this new, body-snatched Hilary. I wondered what they had done with the real Hilary and decided it didn’t matter. We sat on the couch in the family room together and she filled me in on her favorite soap.

I watched it mindlessly, enjoying having an hour from my life gone, an hour in which I didn’t have to think about magick and witches and breaking things and dark waves. I looked around the house, at Hilary, thought about my dad coming home. His face always lit up when he saw Hilary and me. That was cool. Thank God they weren’t going to get wiped out by magick anytime soon.

I slept all day but awoke at five in the afternoon, feeling just as crappy as when I’d gone to sleep. I heard Mary K. coming through the bathroom door and sat up to see her.

“Are you all right?” she asked, looking concerned. “Have you been in bed all day?”

I nodded. “I think I’ll get up and take a shower now.”

“Is this the flu or what? Alisa was out sick today, too.”

“I guess it’s just some bug that’s going around,” I said lamely. I didn’t know what Alisa had told my sister, if anything, and didn’t want to blow it for her.

“Well, come downstairs if you want dinner. It’s little steaks and baked potatoes. And Aunt Eileen and Paula are coming.”

I nodded, then pushed my way into the bathroom and shut both doors. I felt heavy and unrested, the knowledge of what I had done the night before weighing me down. My family was having one of my favorite meals, and I always loved seeing my aunt and her girlfriend. But right now the thought of food made my stomach roil, and I didn’t feel up to talking to anyone. Maybe I would just go back to bed after my shower.

I made the water as hot as I could stand it and let it rain down on my neck and shoulders. Quietly I started to cry, leaning against the shower wall, my eyes closed against the splashing water. Oh, Goddess, I thought. Goddess. Get me through this. What did I do?

I saved my family, my friends, my coven.

At the expense of my father.

I had seen Ciaran after the rite. He looked dead. And I knew him well enough to know that living without magick would surely drive him insane. I had heard that a witch living without magick was like a person living a half existence, in a world where colors were grayed, scents were dulled, taste was almost nonexistent. Where your hands felt covered by plastic gloves, so when you touched things, you couldn’t feel their texture, their vibrations.

That was what I had done to my father last night.

He killed your mother. He’s killed hundreds of people, witches and humans. Woman, man, and child. Just like Hunter said.

I doubted that Ciaran would be alive for long. As far as I knew, there was no rite to give him his magick back— it had been ripped from him forever. And without magick, I doubted Ciaran would feel that life was worth living.

Now he was virtually harmless, and the dark wave wasn’t going to come. Not this time. I hoped I would start feeling better soon, either physically or emotionally. I would take either one. My mind was bleeding with pain and guilt and relief, and my body felt like I had fallen on rocks, again and again and again.