“She got drunk and wrapped herself around a tree. How’s that your fault?”

“Dad!”

“That was more than ten years ago. It’s time you got over it.”

“Let’s drop it.” This was not the conversation he’d envisioned. His father had a knack for digging up truths that were better left buried. Of course, he’d heard the same complaint about himself.

“You were both just kids. you shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place. And now you harbor some distorted sense of guilt.”

“It was my job to help her. I was her husband, for God’s sake.” Jack stared out the window. He’d been selfish. He’d been concentrating so hard on making a name for himself in journalism, he’d ignored her drinking problem. He’d let her down. And he’d never forgive himself for it. “Some things you never get over.”

“So you chase bullets on these insane assignments,” Bill shook his head.

Jack glared at his father. “My guilt has not directed my career.”

“The hell it hasn’t. And it’s about time you recognized it and got on with your life for the right reasons.”

Warner mingled with the crowd, adrenaline pumping through his veins. This was his specialty, and he savored the adulation.

He focused on the people reaching for his hand. gave each a firm grip and a light shake, adding, “Thanks for coming out today. It’s good to see you.” These were people who, in their adoration, made him feel confident that he would win his bid for re-election.

He patted the shoulder of a young constituent. “Nice to meet you.” Warner spotted Carolyn, then lost her in the crowd. He liked her to witness his popularity with the voters. He was a star. Their star. By God, he thought, this was just the start.

He caught another glimpse of Carolyn.

Accompanied by a trooper, she was talking to the governor’s wife.

Warner turned as Harry Masterson, the trooper who’d driven them to the fairgrounds, approached. Together, they made their way out of the crowd and over to the side of the stage.

“ Mrs. Lane asked me to tell you that she’s going home with the governor and his wife. She said, she knows you’ll want to stay longer,” Harry reported.

“That’s fine,” Warner replied. They often split up at events. He also knew Carolyn would take this opportunity to schmooze with the Governor. Politics was about relationships and no one understood this better than Carolyn. “Stay with her until she leaves.”

“Certainly, sir.”

Warner moved back into the crowd, shaking hands and conversing a bit more before working his way to the backstage area. The crowd dissipated, and a police officer escorted Warner to his car in the VIP parking area. Warner relaxed in the front seat, leaning his head back and closing his eyes while waiting for Harry to return. He reached into the breast pocket of his sport coat. Son of a bitch, the note from Cindy was gone.

He heard someone try the door handle and turned to see who it was. Carolyn.

Shit, Warner thought. Had she found the note when she laid out his clothes that morning? It would be like her to wait to discuss it. He opened the door. “I thought you’d left.”

“I did, but I came back. The governor and his wife have invited us to have dinner with them this evening.”

“Fine, fine.” He looked out the rear window of the car. The parking lot was empty, except for the governor’s car, which idled by the gate.

“What time is good?”

“Anytime you want.” He felt like a sprinter, his heart pounding harder with each passing second.

“Let’s see.” She looked at her watch. “It’s five-fifteen now, and it’ll take an hour to get home. I’ll tell them seven-thirty.” Carolyn studied his face. “Are you okay? You look shaken. I hope Dunfey isn’t getting to you.”

“No, no. Dunfey’s nothing. I can handle him. I appreciated your support though. That hand-holding thing you did was perfect.” He wondered if she knew about the affair.

“Hey, if you can’t count on your wife, who can you count on?” she smiled.

Warner saw the emotion lurking behind her bravado. Apprehension turned to pain and embarrassment. She knew.

“It’s been so long since we’ve talked,” Carolyn said. “I’ve changed my mind. I’ll go home with you and send them on without me.”

“Harry’s going to be awhile. He’s talking to some buddies. I told him I didn’t mind waiting, but I don’t want to hold you up. You go on ahead, and I’ll see you at seven-thirty.” He ran his fingers through his hair. His hand was shaking. He didn’t want to deal with this now.

Carolyn’s gaze dropped to the floorboards. “I, I need to talk to you. Please.”

Damn, he never dreamt that it would come to this. “Fine.”

Carolyn told the driver of the governor’s car she’d changed her plans, then took the seat beside Warner.

“I found the note.”

His throat constricted in pain. Words were lost to him.

Tears filled her eyes. “Please. Let’s start over. We could get counseling. We can try harder. I’ll try harder.” She moved toward him and kissed his cheek.

Thrown off balance, he moved away. He’d expected screaming and rage, not pain and remorse.

“Please.” she said, then kissed him again and nuzzled his neck. “It’s been so long since we’ve been together.”

As when she’d tried months ago, he felt no physical response.

“Let me love you.” she pleaded. “Let me fix us.” Tears streamed down her face.

“Don’t do this.” he said. He knew his body wouldn’t respond. The abortion had killed his attraction to her both mentally and physically. He couldn’t explain it. He didn’t understand it himself. With any other woman he functioned normally, but his wife was dead to him.

Boldly she reached for him, not comprehending his meaning, refusing to be pushed aside.

“Stop,” he choked out.

Desperately she kissed his lips, his neck, and moved lower.

Warner grasped her shoulders and held her from him. “Back off!”

Eyes wide, she met his gaze.

His own tears overflowed. “I can’t.” he whispered.

Carolyn sat back, narrow lines marred her forehead. Her gaze searched his face. “I don’t understand. Do you love her? Is that why?”

A hot flush puddled in his cheeks. “No.” This was torture. How do you tell your wife that you can’t get it up with her? “Do I have to spell it out?” He shook his head. “I can’t – ” his voice broke, “with you.”

Carolyn stared at him. Confusion dulled the sparkle of her brown eyes. Then her eyebrows arched as comprehension replaced incredulity. “Or you just don’t want to try?”

He looked away.

“But you can with her?”

He nodded.

She wiped at the tears on her cheeks, then left the car.

The Jefferson City Democrat

September 29,1990

Government Protester Found Dead

JEFFERSON CITY – Patrick Dunfey, known for his vocal disapproval of the current state administration and what he termed as “the immoral behavior of Governor Lane,” was found dead of a gunshot wound to the head, at 11:06 P.M., an apparent suicide.

This comes on the heels of the drug-overdose death of his fiancée, whose body was discovered one week ago. The investigation into the cause of her death has not been concluded, but she was not a known drug user. The families are stunned by these tragic deaths.