"You may be right." She sighed again. "I heard him talking on the phone a little while ago and he told whoever it was that he was closing the office Friday morning. He never goes in late. He's just like you, an early bird. I think he might be spending the morning with her.'"

Friday huh. Well, I would be there, camera in hand.

"Gloria?" Jonathan's muffled voice crackled over the line. "I just realized something. You shouldn't be having a period."

"Oh, is that so?" she said with another of her nervous laughs. "Silly me. He remembered," she whispered fiercely into the phone.

"If you're bleeding, we should take you to the hospital."

"I'm not bleeding. Who said I was bleeding?"

"Then why were you wearing a tampon?"

"To, uh, double my pleasure?" To me, she whispered, "I've got to go, darling."

The line went dead just as my doorbell erupted in a series of chimes. I shook my head at the chaos that was my life and placed the phone in its receiver. I strode into the living room, trying not to think about Jonathan and his real daughter. Rachel.

"Rachel," I sneered. My nose crinkled in distaste. I was pissed enough at the man to want to use him as live bait during a shark-fishing expedition, but still… He was my dad.

After a quick peek through the peephole, I opened the door. Kera swept inside, her expression determined. She dropped her purse on the foyer table and twirled around. "You'll never guess what happened."

You made insane love with your client-several times-told him to get lost, then decided you wanted to sleep with him again? Wait. That was my news. You think your stepdad is cheating on your mom, you hate him, but you don't want him to have a daughter of his own that he might love more than you? Wait, me again. You might very well be knocked up with the aforementioned client's baby?

Damn, me again.

"What happened?" I asked her.

Smiling as if her fondest desire had just been granted, she splayed her arms wide and twirled again. "I met the man of Mel's dreams."

I blinked. "Who?"

"Colin Phillips. Mel is pretending she's not interested in him, though."

Hey, wait. "When did you two meet him? I hadn't set anything up yet."

"Friday we were bored, so we sneaked into Powell Aeronautics. We just wanted to get a look at Colin, you know, but the security guard chased us up the stairs. Thankfully, we lost the jerk and managed to get to the nineteenth floor."

Mouth agape, I threw my hands in the air. "I can't believe you guys went to Powell Aero."

"Don't worry. Colin wasn't mad."

That was the least of my worries.

"He was so sweet about the whole thing. Even thanked us for coming."

"What's the rest of the story? The part about Mel pretending she's not interested in him?"

"I'm telling you, they clashed right from the beginning," Kera said, radiating amused glee. "Mel called him a corporate dust bunny."

"A what?"

"Someone who's always at the office, but doesn't do anything except sit around and pollute the air. Don't feel bad. I didn't know, either."

"How did you get past Elvira?"

"Who-oh, you mean the assistant. What a sweet, sweet woman. She just told us to go straight back to Colin's office."

What? No dirty looks? No superior attitude? Bitch.

"Anyway-" Breezily, Kera waved a hand through the air "-Colin wanted her, and she wanted him. You were right- they're perfect for each other. I could feel the sparks."

"But?"

She ran her bottom lip between her teeth. "But they were acting like silly children and I was afraid they'd never get around to actually dating. Not without a little help, that is."

Kera the matchmaker. Jeez. "What'd you do?"

"I, well, asked him on a date myself. Mel almost tackled me, even though she claimed she didn't want him. She's reminding me a lot of you lately."

I gave her a good frown to let her know I didn't appreciate her barb. She padded into the kitchen and snatched a soda from the fridge. I followed.

"He said yes," she added with a grin.

"First, what about George? Second, if Colin is willing to date you, even though he likes Mel, he's a bastard and not worth Mel's time."

"First, things are going very well with George. He asked me out, and I said yes. Second, I didn't say Colin and I were dating. I just said he agreed to go out with me. We talked about Mel the entire night. I think he's going to pursue her," she said, clapping happily. She twirled, spilling dark liquid all over my (formerly clean) kitchen floor.

"You know how Mel is. When she doesn't like someone, she's a mean, mean bitch." I loved her, but that was a known fact.

"That's why I'm going to make her miserable and jealous and let her think I'm after the man. She won't be able to get him out of her mind then."

I shook my head. "I thought Mel was the twin with the devil on her shoulder, but it's been you all along. You pulled this crap with me, too, didn't you? Pretending to want to date Royce."

She laughed. "Everything I do is for your own good. Mel's, too. She's too stubborn. Like you. So anyway, how was your trip?" She settled at the table and gazed expectantly at me. "You, Royce, together. All night. Did you share a room?"

"No." And that was the truth. We hadn't shared a room. He'd left in the middle of the night. "Everything went very well." Without meeting her eyes, I grabbed a paper towel and mopped up the spill.

"If everything went so peachy, why is your jaw clenching? Why is your eye twitching? Why is your voice so high?"

Had everyone known about my being deceitfully challenged but me? "All right, all right, all right." I popped to my feet and slammed the wet paper towel into the trash. I needed to work through at least one of my troubles. "The more time I spend with Royce the more confused I am about our…relationship." I almost gagged on the last word. "One minute I'm positive I never want to see him again, the next I'm wishing he were with me so I could rip off his clothes."

"That's called being human, sweetie, and I know just what to do." She leaned over and flipped through my basket of magazines. When she found the one she wanted, she held it up for me to see. "When Mel gets here, we're all taking a relationship quiz."

Oh joy.

Mel arrived soon after and Kera dragged us into the living room, where she proceeded to give us assigned seats. "Naomi, you sit here. Mel, you're there." She pointed, forming a circle on the floor.

She sat between us and opened the latest issue of City Girl. "We're taking the Keep Him or Cut Him Loose test. It's just what we need to see where we stand romantically." There was a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "I think we'll all understand ourselves and our men a little bit better after this. Are you ready?"

"Yes." Me.

"Uh, whatever." Mel. "I don't have a man."

"You will in the future," Kera said confidently.

"As if."

That didn't dim Kera's enthusiasm. "Okay, here we go. Question one." She read, "Your man is going out of town. Do you A) throw a party in his honor. B) cry. Or C) take up a new hobby to keep your mind occupied."

None of those sounded right to me. So I said, "What about D? Drink yourself into oblivion because you aren't sure what you want to do." Now that seemed like the perfect solution.

"You can't make up your own answers. That defeats the purpose." Kera frowned. "My answer is B. If Colin left," she said, aiming her words in Mel's direction, "I'd be too upset to do anything except cry."

How had I never seen Kera's acting potential before?

Mel stiffened. "As much as D appeals to me," she said through a tight jaw, "my answer is definitely A. Party time."

"Commitment-phobia must be contagious, because I swear you both suffer from a severe case," Kera said with a shake of her head.