The door opened before I could reach the panic button. Bykov tackled the man and threw him onto the floor. The papers and pens flew out of his hands. I felt Malevin guide me out of the room. As I glanced down, I could see one of the crumpled pages under my foot. In a faultless imitation of Johnson’s mature hand, the first two words read: ‘Abhorrent machine’.

*

Malevin was very apologetic about the outburst. He said Jack hadn’t been himself lately. Those were his actual words, and, in a way, the truest ones he’d spoken. The hangover of adrenalin in my bloodstream made the floor feel rubbery under my feet. ‘I’m sorry if he frightened you,’ said Malevin.

Upstairs, in that vast ballroom, there seemed little to add, but I wanted to know why they had bothered with the authentication.

Malevin looked unaccountably pleased with himself. ‘We were curious to know if the pastiches he produced were capable of fooling an expert.’

‘And did you get your answer?’

‘We did. Of the twelve letters you certified as genuine, eleven were Telauga’s work. Only one was by Johnson.’

‘I didn’t authenticate them,’ I said, suddenly aware of a thin, shrill note in my voice.

‘You didn’t raise any questions about them. On the basis of the content and the handwriting, you assumed they were by Johnson himself,’ said Hunter.

I stared at him, suspended somewhere between outrage and disbelief. I’ve never been good at being wrong. The juggernaut of my intellectual vanity stops slowly and backs up even slower. The shame of it induced a strange hallucinatory sensation of disembodiment.

‘Our priority is Jack’s well-being,’ Hunter went on. ‘The third volume of the Johnson letters must be scheduled for publication pretty soon. Sinan and I have no intention of embarrassing you, Nicholas. I think it’s best for all of us if we quietly bury this episode.’

‘I have no objection to that,’ I said faintly.

Somewhere outside, above the leaden clouds, I seemed to hear the ghost of Ronald Harbottle laughing at my discomfiture.

9

Extracted from Dr Webster’s Journal

*

Patient Q. Sectioned for assessment last month. Admitted to DHU with paranoid psychosis and severe ideational disturbances. His name and identity unknown. Maintains he is an academic called Nicholas Slopen who in fact died last year in a road traffic accident. Originally detained under Section 4 after a pattern of stalking and threatening behaviour directed towards deceased’s wife.

Client is in fact extremely knowledgeable about English literature, and educated to at least degree level. In our first interviews, he comes across as lucid and articulate – and somewhat patronising. He clearly regards me as his intellectual inferior. I’m uncertain whether his arrogance is a pre-existing personality trait or a component of his manic defence. It’s only when pressed on the question of his identity that he begins to exhibit the pronounced delusional behaviour.

I point out that the man he claims to be is, undoubtedly, deceased.

Q remains silent for some time. Then says: ‘I could a tale unfold whose lightest word/Would harrow up thy soul, freeze thy young blood/Make thy two eyes like stars start from their spheres.’

Q seems pleased when I recognise the quote as Shakespeare; less pleased when I refer to the large body of work that raises questions about the identity of ‘Shakespeare’ and the likelihood of his being the author.

He becomes agitated. Maintains loudly that ‘Shakespeare is Shakespeare, and I am Nicholas Patrick Slopen.’ His intransigence over Shakespeare possibly a reaction-formation to manage anxieties over own false identity?

Our interview degenerates after this. He exhibits marked contempt for my opinion, then rounds on me and attacks me as a quack scientist. Maintains violently that he is the deceased man and repeats a number of slurs about the dead man’s wife. Eventually the restraint team intervene and the interview is terminated.

*

Two days later, Q approaches me in the common area and apologises for his outburst. This time he offers of his own accord to submit to testing. I subsequently administer Rorschach tests, Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, Thematic Apperception Test, Rotter Incomplete Sentence test, and further quantitative tests of my own devising to establish degree of psychosis. Client clearly enjoys tests, and though he tries, he’s not quite able to hide the grandiose and manic behaviour that accompanies high scores on standard IQ and word association tests.

Q presents an administrative dilemma for the ward as, at the time of writing, we are yet to establish his true identity. Police have checked his fingerprints and DNA against all existing databases.

*

One week later, Q returns confidently and tells me he is willing to ‘come clean’. He proceeds to give a long and detailed account of what he now says is his true identity. He claims his name is Paul Noble and that he is a single, childless teacher of English as a foreign language. He says he returned from a TEFL school in Turkey after falling out with the headteacher. On his return he became depressed and began drinking and gambling. Claims he had the idea of taking on the dead man’s identity to avoid consequences of paying gambling debts.

The story seems superficially plausible, but doesn’t explain pattern of psychotic behaviour towards Ms Kazemzadeh.

Informal checks with TEFL reveal no record of a Paul Noble, a Philip Paul Noble, or any of the permutations of the name that Q suggests.

Q becomes quite crestfallen and attempts to talk his way round various discrepancies in his stories.

I tell him that TEFL do have a record of a Patrick Philip Noble teaching in a school in Istanbul.

Q maintains this is him and that the record-keeping at the school was notoriously slack.

I reveal that Patrick Philip Noble is a made-up identity of my invention and tell him he’s clutching at straws.

Q becomes angry and abusive. Reverts to previous claim that he’s Dr Slopen. Repeats a number of slurs about a prominent record producer. Restraint team forced to intervene and medicate.

*

Q responds well to medication. Subsequently displays contrition for outburst. This time, when questioned on identity, says he thought he was Dr Slopen, but clearly can’t be as Dr Slopen is dead. Q offers the conclusion that this must mean he, Q, is suffering from mental illness. Q suggests no alternative theory as to his identity. He seems open to suggestion that he may be suffering from amnesia or head trauma. MRI and subsequent tests all negative for abnormalities, though recent scar tissue around occipital cranial area suggests some kind of contusion within the last twelve to eighteen months.

*

Q avoids socialising with other clients, but issues surrounding his identity aside, his condition has stabilised. As a reward for amelioration, Q is offered and accepts computer privileges. No workstations within DHU so I suggest he uses mine for an hour a day. I ask him what he will work on. He is resistant to answering initially, but then concedes he is interested in learning more about debate over Shakespeare’s authorship. His progress continues to be satisfactory.

10

For the last five minutes, Dr Webster has been skulking around her office looking for ‘some papers’, but clearly spying on me. I wonder if her interest is purely professional, or connected to the fact that I hacked into her account yesterday, from where I copied and pasted the above notes on her poor, loopy – and surely composite – patient Q.

It’s taken me a few weeks to figure out what her password might be. Incredibly, it’s this: bacon. That’s the level of imaginative deficiency you’ve got with the anti-Stratfordians.