“Got any food around here?”

He always thought he was so tough.  He was.  But these people were tougher.

I looked at Bethi.  She watched me closely.

“Go,” she said.  “Shower.  Everything will be fine for five minutes, I think.”

I went down the hall.

*    *    *    *

The hot water felt great as I washed and rinsed.  I’d even brushed my teeth with a new toothbrush I’d found in the medicine cabinet before getting in the shower.  It’d been long overdue.  I felt fresh and, despite the emotions from those down the hall, tension free as I turned off the water.  A towel hung on the bar toward the back of the tub.  I grabbed it and dried off.  Too bad I’d have to put my dirty clothes back on.  I regretted that we hadn’t had time to grab our bags.

When I stepped out of the tub, I found a full set of clean clothes on the toilet seat.  I hadn’t even heard the door open.  I stared at the jeans.  They weren’t mine.  I tended to avoid jeans because they never fit my butt right.

With a sigh, I tried to put them on.  It wasn’t going to happen.  I tossed the jeans aside then put on the shirt and underthings.  I didn’t care if they were someone else’s.  They were clean.

Skipping any form of pants, I opened the bathroom door and squeaked at the sight of Carlos leaning against the opposite wall.

“Creep much?” I said, taking in his crossed, bulging arms.

He appeared completely relaxed as he gazed at my bare legs.

“Jeans didn’t fit?”

His slow, deep words made my middle mushy.  I didn’t do mushy.

“Obviously not.”

“I’ll see if I can find something else,” he said, straightening.  “Stay here.”

He walked down the hall toward the kitchen.

I couldn’t believe he’d just told me to stay.  Did I look like a dog?

I started following him, then stopped at the base of a narrow staircase.  Grief and worry pulled at me.  Sighing, I moved up the stairs into a loft with a slanted ceiling on both sides.

Clay sat on the bed, his back leaned against the headboard.  In his lap, he cradled Gabby.  He didn’t look up as I approached or as I sat on the edge of the bed.

“When I came to, she had my head in her lap.  She was stroking my hair like my mom used to do before I broke her.  It was dark in the van.  I could feel we were moving, driving further away from help.  I felt Gabby’s fear and her barely contained panic.  Not far away, I felt the pitiless lust and eager aggression of the men who drove.”

Clay finally looked up at me.

“I’m so sorry for what I did to her.  But what they would have done...”

“I know,” he said.

“If there would have been another way, I would have taken it.”

He nodded and looked back down at her.  I felt his love.

“Give her a few more hours.  She’s sleeping off the best high of her life.”  I stood.  “And when she comes to, keep her away from me.  I’m crack.  Highly addictive.”

He nodded but didn’t take his eyes from her.  I went back to the stairs.  At the bottom, Carlos waited with a pair of black leggings.

“Perfect.  Thanks,” I said, reaching for them.  He gave them up, and I went back into the bathroom.  Walking around without pants didn’t bother me.  But the idea of being in the open and unstable while putting on pants did.

The hallway was empty when I opened the door again, so I veered for the kitchen.  The same group of people still waited.  Only this time there was a sandwich on the table right in front of an open chair.  I sat and, without asking if the food was mine, dug in.

A sandwich had never tasted so good.  After I swallowed several bites, I figured everyone staring at me wanted conversation.  So I gave in.

“How long are we staying here?”

“It’s not safe to move until Gabby’s awake,” Bethi said.  “But, for all we know, the Urbat could be closing in around us now.”

That wasn’t very reassuring.

“We should be fine,” Winifred said.  Her words lacked conviction.

“If you need her awake, wake her up,” I said.  “A good slap will do the trick.  However, she’ll still be loopy.”

There were two seconds of stunned silence.  I used the time to take another bite.

“Clay can hear you and doesn’t appreciate your advice,” Sam said.  “Neither do I.”

I paused my chewing at the wave of irritation and glanced at Sam’s surly expression.  I definitely felt like the unwanted stepchild.  I stood up and grabbed my sandwich, even though I didn’t want it anymore.

“I’ll be outside.”

Ethan moved to follow me, and I didn’t stop him.  We walked to the barn.

“Keep eating, Z.  They don’t know you.  They don’t understand.”

“Understand what?” I said, hating that he knew I’d lost my appetite.

“How much it’s killing you that you knocked the girl out like that.”

“Whatever.”  I took a bite and chewed.

“They don’t all hate you, you know.  Bethi seems to like you.  And I think that big guy does, too.”

I gave Ethan a dirty look.

“What?  As soon as you disappeared down the hall, he started asking the girls if they had something clean you could wear.  Although, maybe it wasn’t consideration for you as much as consideration for us.  You smelled like puke.”

I shook my head and let out a laugh.

“You’re ridiculous.”

The barn door was still open, and someone had opened the door on the other side.  We went to the opening and sat on the floor.  My feet dangled over the edge as I looked out over the barren fields.  Sunset was painting them gold and orange.

“I know I’m not like your dad,” I said after a few minutes.  “I just hate seeing you hurt.”

“And that’s why you’re not like him.  He could care less if I was hurt.”

“So, you going to tell me when you learned to close yourself off like that?” I said, changing the subject to avoid a lecture.

He grinned at me.  “Since the last time you came to the bar.”

“Does it bother you?”

“It’s not like I’m holding my breath.  I’m just keeping tight control of what I’m letting myself feel.”

“Hmm,” I said with a frown.  “I was going to say that I liked it, but it sounds a little cold.”

He shook his head and looked out over the fields.  “I guess it could sound that way.  But how can anything be cold when it’s done to protect someone you love?”

I studied his profile for a minute and then leaned over to rest my head on his good shoulder.  Behind us, the yard light flickered on.

“When this is all done, maybe you won’t need to turn yourself off.  I hope Bethi’s right and whatever’s wrong with me will go away.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”  He wrapped an arm around my back and kissed the top of my head.  His love for me leaked out just a bit, but I didn’t comment on it.

Five

After several moments of silence, my stomach rumbled. The big releases made me so hungry afterward.

“I’ll get us another sandwich,” Ethan said.

I nodded and straightened away from him.  He knew I’d stay in the barn and starve rather than go back in for more food.  It wasn’t just the emotions that kept me sitting but the group’s attitude toward me.  I hated myself enough for what I did to people.  I didn’t need them silently judging me too.

As his footsteps faded, I considered our situation.  I hadn’t thought everything through when I’d agreed to help.  I’d only seen the end goal of getting rid of my siphoning.  But, before I could get rid of it, I’d have to chum around with these emotionally uninhibited people.  I had a feeling I’d be doing a lot more sparring with Ethan in the upcoming days.  If it got too bad, he and I could take off for a while.  I frowned as I realized just how dependent we were without a car or our bags.  I didn’t even have my wallet.