He gripped my arm tightly and pulled me from the pen.  The sobbing one flew forward like a wildcat and tried fighting him. It did no good.  She sailed back and hit the branches with a hollow thump.  The girl next to her tried pulling my arm back.  It didn’t matter; he swatted her away, too.  His big hand reached for me.  I bit him hard and felt my teeth hit bone.  He hit me; the flat of his palm connected with a crack.  I saw stars.  My heart beat wildly.  I struggled as he lifted me.

The dream faded and restful oblivion cocooned me.  I barely registered the gentle kiss pressed against my forehead.  I slept.

*    *    *    *

Stretching my arms wide, my hand lightly smacked into a face.  I stilled and opened my eyes.  The white ceiling above greeted me.  Cautiously turning my head, I met Luke’s amused gaze peeking through the fingers of the hand that still covered his face.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I sat up with a scowl.  We both laid on top the covers; a line of pillows separated us.  I felt rested, but waking with him next to me unsettled me.

“You were having a bad dream.  I came in to wake you, but you quieted.  So I decided to use my time wisely and sleep, too.”  I narrowed my eyes at him and he quickly added, “I kept it proper.  See?”  He gestured to the pillows.

“I don’t care if you put a —”

“I’m starving.  Let’s eat.” He rose from the bed with a stretch and moved toward the door.  I continued to glare at him.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re trying to do.  I won’t let my guard down.  A few moments of kindness will not make me fall into your arms.”

He stopped by the door and turned to look at me, his face carefully blank.  “I don’t want you in my arms.”

“Liar.” I swung my legs off the bed and stood.  Did he think me stupid? I yanked my bag up off the nearby chair.

Luke scratched his jawline as he hesitated by the door.  “I don’t understand why you’re so angry.”  Frustration laced his words despite his relaxed pose.

I barely understood myself.  I didn’t really think he wanted to wear me down, but getting angry seemed a better way to keep some distance between us.  The idea of someone watching over me just to watch over me...well, that swayed me more than it should have.  It also made me miss my mom.  She used to do that before my world broke.  Before I discovered there were some things she couldn’t protect me from.  My teeth clenched against my resentment.  I hated knowing.  I hated the dreams, and at the moment, I hated him, too.

“What’s to understand?” I practically screamed at him, angry that he was making me say it.  “I’m not safe.  I’ll never be safe again.  I’m so tired, I have no idea how to help myself, and I don’t know if I can trust you.”

His eyes soften, and he lifted a hand as if he wanted to move toward me.  But, he stopped himself, dropped his hand, and sighed softly.  “We can stay here longer so you can rest,” he offered.

I threw my arms up in the air.  “It won’t do any good.”  At his blank look, I said, “I’m reliving all our past lives, mine and my sisters.  I’ve been cut, beaten, starved, raped, drowned, and even blinded.”

His eyes hardened at each method of torture I listed, but I barely paid his reaction any attention.  Listing the things that I had experienced brought the memories too close to the surface, and there were so many more ways his kind had hurt me that I left unsaid.

“Every time I close my eyes, I see more, and there’s no rest when that’s what I see.  When I wake I’m just as tired as I was when I went to sleep.  And I don’t just see the past, I feel it.  Every injury.  Every forced intimate moment.  If I let myself dwell on it, I won’t ever feel whole again.”  I gave a pained snort.  “I’m not really sure I do now.  If I’ve ever had a happy past life, I don’t remember it.  Instead, I remember the pain, and death.  Always death...” I said, starting to cry in anger and in fear.  “I don’t want to die again,” I whispered brokenly.  “But if you’re here to try to get me to choose you, you can’t have me.”  I said the words to help remind me, too.  He was so...nice.  It made the Taupe Lady’s warning hard to remember.  “Even if it means I have to die again.”

He growled, and I saw how what I said had affected him.  Jaw clenched, he fought the skin-rippling change trying to consume him.  He turned and forcefully yanked open the door.  The trim splintered near the latch.  When he slammed it shut behind him, a piece fell to the floor.

Stunned, I flopped back down on the bed with a slow sigh.  I’d baited him—what?  Twice now?  Three times?—and I was still unharmed, breathing.  A crazy half-sob, half-laugh bubbled from my chest.

The roar of his motorcycle reached me.  I hopped off the bed and raced to the door, opening it just in time to see him speed away.

Stupefied, I stood in the doorway for several long moments before my brain kicked in.  What an idiot for clarifying who I was when I knew I couldn’t trust him. Who knew what he was up to?  They always appeared in packs.  Maybe he was getting the rest of his pack.  Then, I thought of Baen.  He’d been alone the first time; but he’d made me bite him before he ran off.  So, this was different.  And I wasn’t a clueless, stupid kid this time. Yet, I still made tired mistakes.  I needed to move.

Closing the door, I quickly circled the bed looking for my shoes.  They weren’t there.  I checked the bathroom, using it quickly in the process, and didn’t see anything there either.  My chest started to tighten.  I didn’t have time to waste but couldn’t just leave without them.  My feet were tough, but the temperature was dropping.  I wouldn’t make it far.

Growling in frustration, I grabbed my bag and dug for as many pair of socks as I could find.  Two.  I sat on the bed to pull them on over the ones I wore, but didn’t get the chance.

I fell into a dream.  Hard.

*    *    *    *

A sprinkling of water on my face woke me before I died.  Still caught up in the dream, I looked up at Luke and blinked in confusion at his disgruntled expression.

“You already slept ten hours.  How can you still be this tired?”

“I’m not,” I said sitting up quickly.

He stood before me with a white paper bag and a large thick paper cup in one hand.  The other hand shone wetly.

“The dreams take me over sometimes, no matter how rested I am,” I mumbled feeling the need to explain.  He held out the cup to me.  I didn’t move to take it as I remembered how he’d taken off.  “I thought you left to get the rest of your men.”

He huffed a martyr style sigh and sat beside me on the bed.  Too close in my opinion.

“What men?”

Instead of answering, I looked down at my hands while trying to ignore the quick erratic heartbeat his close proximity caused.  He misunderstood my move and made a small noise of annoyance.

“Never mind,” I mumbled.

“Bethi, I really am here to help you.  No strings.  I just don’t know how,” he said softly.

He thought I just didn’t trust him.  He was right.  I didn’t.  But that wasn’t the reason for my hesitancy.  I didn’t like feeling so dependent on him. Especially since my insides kept going crazy when he was close or I when looked at him or when I smelled him.  It was getting ridiculous.

“You are helping me,” I said trying for brusque detachment.  “If not for you, I’d be walking.”

He studied my profile for a moment before handing me the cup.  “I thought coffee might help.”

My throat dried at the quiet concern laced in with his words, so I accepted the cup and took a hasty swig.  It scalded my tongue and I almost spit it back into the cup.  Instead, I swallowed, burning a layer from my throat.  Ignoring his concerned frown, I suggested we hit the road.  It was uncomfortable just sitting there.

“I brought you something to eat, too,” he said opening the bag and pulling out a plastic carton.