His palm blocked me, slightly mashing my nose, and I groaned in frustration.

“Fine,” I grumbled before scooting off the bed and closing myself in the bathroom.  His laughter drifted through the door.

After taking care of business and washing up, I stared at the mirror and tried to see myself through his eyes.  I looked a little less waifish but not very healthy.  I’d lost a bunch of weight and still had circles under my eyes.  Definitely not attractive.  I splashed water on my face, trying to wash away my insecurities.

He wanted to stay here for two days.  I felt as if I’d slept a long time, but I doubted I’d used all of the time he’d dedicated for me to get the rest he felt I needed.  I had time to try to wear him down and convince him of my affection.  I dried my face, and I gave my reflection a stern get-to-it look.

Opening the bathroom door, I found the bed made and Luke sitting in the room’s one chair.

“Get dressed.  We’ll grab something to eat and walk around a bit if you’re up for it.”

Nodding, I moved aside to let him use the bathroom, relieved that I didn’t have to try right away.  I dug out some clothes and ducked back into the bathroom when he had finished.

How had I let boys know I liked them before the dreams exposed the hot mess that was my life?  Long looks, cute clothes, smiling conversation.  I didn’t think any of that would work with Luke.  Trying to trick him was pointless, and I didn’t want his hand in my face anymore, either.  What did that leave me?  Being nice and giving it time?  Actually letting myself grow feelings for him?  I wanted to throw something.  Instead, I opened the door and gave him a halfhearted smile.

A few minutes later, we strolled side by side down the sidewalk in the direction the motel manager had pointed.  A small gas station offered premade sandwiches and bags of junk food.  My stomach rumbled as I eyed the displays, and his echoed it as if they were having a conversation.  He grinned and reached for a bag of chips.  I grabbed for the sandwiches.

With a bag loaded up with goodies, we headed back. He opened the door for me and stood aside to let me in.  After kicking off my shoes, I sat on the bed folding my legs under me.  He set the bag next to me, grabbed a sandwich from it, and sat on the chair.

“Thank you for the food,” I said reaching for my own sandwich.  “And for helping me sleep.  And the walk.  It was good to get outside and not feel like I needed to run.”

He stopped chewing and looked at me suspiciously but nodded his welcome.  Crap, was I being that obvious?  I took a large bite and chewed slowly.  Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned the walk.  I was just trying to be nice.  And thankful.  How else should I ease him into the idea that I cared?

I glanced at him and saw he’d already polished off two sandwiches.  I forgot to eat and just stared as he consumed another triangle in two bites.  Silently, I popped open a bag of chips and offered it to him.  He demolished those and looked at my sandwich which I willingly—and perhaps a little fearfully—surrendered.

“How long was I out?”

“Sixteen hours,” he mumbled around a dessert cake.

“Sorry.  Maybe we should go back and stockpile some more food in case I crash hard again.”  And so I had something to eat, I thought as I opened the last bag of chips.

He looked up at me with mixed emotions on his face.  First, he appeared happy about my suggestion, then a little disheartened.

He finished the cake in another bite and took a drink of water from one of the bottles he purchased.  “Do you think you’ll sleep that long again?”

“I honestly don’t know.  I don’t feel tired yet, but I can feel another dream calling me.”

He leaned back and studied me for a moment.  “What do you dream about?  And I don’t mean you dying.  Sometimes, the dreams don’t seem to disturb you so much.”

“If it’s not of death, it’s about a lady.  I think of her as the Taupe Lady because of the color of the gown she always wears.”

“Who is she?”

“I don’t know, but from how the people dress in the dreams, I get the feeling she’s always been here.  Even in my really old dreams, she shows up.  She seems like she cares but never really does anything to help me.  I mean, she says things that sound like cryptic advice; but if she can show up whenever she wants, why doesn’t she show up when I really need her?  Why doesn’t she step in and stop some of the bad stuff from happening?”

“Maybe she can’t,” he suggested quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“My kind has rules to follow and laws to obey.  Our laws can’t be broken even if we wanted to break them.  What if she has rules and laws too?”

I thought about it for a moment.  “What do you mean you can’t break them?”

He sighed and shook his head at me.  “Sometimes you seem to know so much about what I am.  How did you learn about my kind?”

“My dreams,” I answered honestly.

“That’s not possible,” he said.

“Okay, then how do I know?”  He looked at me with a suitably shocked expression, and I continued.  “This is what I’ve figured out.  There are dog-men out there that can shift between their dog form and man form.”

“I prefer to think of myself as more of a wolf.  It’s more dignified.”

Rolling my eyes, I continued.  “They want me and the few women like me for some reason that I haven’t yet figured out.  We are reborn every one thousand years.  There seems to be a period of time within each cycle that we can be reborn several times.  Almost every time I’m found, they end up killing me after making me Claim and mate with one of their own.”  I didn’t mention the dreams where I killed myself.

“Almost every time?” he asked tilting his head as his focus intensified.

“Twice I’ve dreamt of one of your kind trying to help me.  I still died both times in the end, but someone did try.”  I thought about those dreams.  I’d willingly gone along with their plans to help me and still died.  I refused to die again or to go along with someone else’s plans in this life.  I needed to try something different.  But what?  Maybe that’s what the Taupe Lady meant by every death has a purpose.  They all give me a chance to learn.

He quietly threw away the empty wrappers.  I could see his mind turning over what I’d shared.

“Let’s get some more food,” I said.  Seriously, he’d eaten just about everything on his own.

He nodded and walked beside me on our second trip to the gas station.

*    *    *    *

When we got back, I went into the bathroom to change.  We’d both been quiet on the walk.  I’d mostly debated with myself.  Now that he knew I wanted to Claim him in order to avoid a forced Claiming, perhaps he would be reasonable.  But seeing his troubled expression after I’d acknowledged I had still died when someone tried to help me had me reconsidering.  He truly did seem to want to help me; and if he thought Claiming him would end up getting me killed, I didn’t think he’d go for it. Fine.  I just needed to convince him that I cared about him and get him to let me Claim him that way.  He would eventually forgive me for the deception.  I was sure of it.

I stepped out of the bathroom and saw him sitting in the chair, still deep in thought.  I wanted to roll my eyes but managed to suppress the urge.  I did that a lot I realized.  I suppressed urges and feelings because I knew he was too aware of me.  It was a habit already.  But maybe my reactions to him were the key to all of this.  I’d witnessed his reaction to me, but did he really know my reaction to him?  In past lives, they’d used it as a means to control me.  But I knew better now.  I could let the physical reactions show without letting the emotional attraction grow.

Focusing on the flutter I felt every time I looked at him, I let the feeling fill me.  The rightness of him, which I usually stomped on with imaginary steel-toed boots, lifted its well-trodden head.  My heart somersaulted and stuttered heavily.