She answered almost immediately.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Mom.” Then he stopped. What kind of an adult man went running to Momma when he had a problem? He should have called Josh or Beth or maybe no one at all.

“Jack? Sweetheart? Is it the children?”

“What? No. Sorry, nothing is… everything is okay.”

Donna let out an exhalation of relief.

“Is everything okay?” Jack heard Neil say somewhere in the room with his mom, and abruptly he was embarrassed.

“All okay,” Donna answered her husband. At that point Jack wanted to say good-bye and just forget he’d even called, but she continued. “Hang on, Jack. Stay right there.” There was some rustling and the sound of a door closing, and then she was back. “Sorry, Neil was on call out last night, so he’s exhausted.”

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“So talk to me,” she said. She used the mom-tone, the one that spoke of a safe place to share news and problems.

“It’s not… it’s… Riley.”

“What’s wrong with Riley?”

“He’s not himself, and he won’t listen to me about going to a counselor or getting some help, and he’s just shutting down whenever we’re alone.”

His mom hummed her acknowledgment of his words. “Darling, he probably feels safe shutting down with you. He went through something bad, and this is his way of dealing. Not everyone needs to see a shrink.”

“You think I should just leave him?”

“What does your instinct tell you?”

Jack held back what his instinct was telling him. His instinct had him using ties and a blow job and a whole lot of edging to get Riley to open up to him. The approach had worked before, why wouldn’t it work now?

Instead he kept his response PG rated. “I want to get him to see that he’s wound up tighter than a coiled spring.”

Donna chuckled. “Then that is what you need to do.”

And just like that Donna was pushing the whole thing back to Jack. She was right; there was nothing she could do. He was the one with a lover who had nightmares. He was the one with the man who curled in a fetal position in bed. Tomorrow morning he would tell Riley exactly what he thought of everything and get Riley to do something. Anything. No one knew Riley like he did, all the tiny insecurities, the size of the man’s heart, and the worries and fears.

“You’re good,” he said with his own laugh.

“I’m a mom,” Donna replied. “Go to bed, Jack, tomorrow is soon enough.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“Love you too.”

She finished the call, and Jack stretched tall in the cool air. A quick walkthrough of the horses and a check on the security cameras in the back barn and he had no excuse not to go back indoors. When he yawned as he shut the kitchen door, he realized he was putting off sleep and that he would regret it come morning.

He made his way back to the bedroom, already unbuttoning jeans and imagining his soft pillows and the thought of warming up against Riley’s always-hot body. The sounds he heard when he opened the bedroom door were enough to have him rushing to Riley’s side. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be waking up a person in the middle of a nightmare, but he acted on that instinct that his mom had reminded him of. Gathering Riley into his arms, he held him tight even as Riley thrashed around in the hold. Jack knew he’d have bruises, but he didn’t care.

“Wake up, Riley, it’s only a dream, come on… wake up.”

As violent as the nightmare was, it appeared to let him go quickly, and he went limp in Jack’s arms. Jack reached past him and turned on the lamp and looked into damp hazel eyes that were filled with resignation.

“No excuses,” Jack said, firm and in control. “Tell me what you saw.”

Riley closed his eyes and struggled until Jack let him go. “Nothing,” he spat. “That is it. It’s nothing. I hold out my hand with the gun…” Riley extended one hand in front of him, his arm shaking imperceptibly. “Then I fire, and it’s dark, and I’m talking and shouting and there is nothing there, not even a darkness you can get used to, just nothing, and my head hurts so badly.” To underscore the last statement, Riley winced and pressed his other hand to his temple.

Jack didn’t know what to say. Instead he grasped the shaking hand and tugged Riley closer, thankful when Riley didn’t argue and instead tumbled into his hold.

“It’s okay,” Jack said over and over. “You’re home, and nothing can hurt you now.”

They lay back on the bed, and this time it was Jack with his head on Riley’s chest, listening to his husband’s heart beat slowing from its frantic chase. They fell asleep that way.

When Jack woke in middle of the night, he realized the side lamp was still on and Riley and he had moved apart in sleep. Then he saw what Riley was doing, and Jack closed his eyes again before he broke the spell of what Riley was reading.

Sean’s book.

Chapter 17

Riley took his coffee out to the fence, staring out into the distance with his head full of what he’d read in Sean’s book. He needed the caffeine—he hadn’t turned the light out until four and had read the book from cover to cover. So maybe an hours’ sleep broken by a nightmare and a meeting at ten in the city and he was screwed. At least he’d managed to get a shower and get dressed and it was the weekend, so no school runs. But he was supposed to be carrying on intelligent adult conversation with the team from Beta Four and he was losing the ability to keep his eyes open, let alone concentrate.

Not for the first time, he considered it might well be a better option to have offices on D land. Then he could just walk from door to door. It wasn’t like he was in among the backstabbing wheeling and dealing, he had staff to deal with that side of it, and Tom was proving to be an astute and trustworthy support for Riley.

What he’d read last night had gotten to him much more than he thought it would. To anyone else who didn’t know Sean, it was an in-depth look at using equine therapy in PTSD cases. Not necessarily in adults, but in children. He also wrote a lot about the connection between horses and humans, about understanding, and the whole point of the association.

Jack came to stand next to Riley, coffee in his hand and looking just as tired.

“Sorry about the nightmare and the light,” Riley said. Jack had told him it wasn’t a problem on more than one occasion, but still, it must have interrupted his sleep.

Jack leaned and kissed Riley, then slid a hand around him to hug him. “Morning,” he said. “You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“You finish the book?”

Riley nodded. “Can I ask you something that may sound really stupid?”

Jack frowned. “Yeah.”

“Horses. And you.” How did he word this question? “Are you in tune with them? Do they…? Do you…?”

“Become attuned to each other? Yeah. I know Solo is fixed to my mental and physical state. There’s nothing like getting in the saddle pissed off only to have Solo show me in no uncertain terms that I am being a dick.”

“Maybe I should spend more time with the horses,” Riley said. He tilted his head in thought. “And I’m going to reread the book. I think I’m not processing it all.”

Jack kissed him again, and Riley felt abruptly lighter. Riley smiled, grabbed a handful of Jack’s shirt, and kissed him thoroughly. “Missed you,” he whispered into the kiss. “Sorry.”

When they parted, Jack was smiling, and even though this wasn’t done, it was a step in the right direction.

“You never have to be sorry.” Jack stopped as Max appeared at their side with his own sippy cup of juice. Riley glanced back at Carol, who watched them from the door. Only when Jack hoisted Max up to sit on the fence did Carol wave and go back in the door. “We’ll talk later,” he mumbled.

“Hey, Max,” Riley said. Max looked up at him, then away back to the house. Riley was used to the infrequent glances and the lack of words, and he snuggled in for a cuddle, which was the one way Max seemed happy to communicate. His hugs were legendary and only given out to a select few. Riley, Jack, Donna, Sandra, Carol, and Hayley all made the list. He would cling to Robbie’s legs but had begun to refuse being picked up, particularly when he was riding. He was stubborn about getting on the horse on his own, and no one stopped him. As long as he followed all the rules and was safe, it was good to encourage the independence.