Aiden looked at me like I was half-stupid.
“What?” I made a face. “There’s no way it could be that, because that just isn’t possible. I would, like, know if that was it, and I would totally be…” Wow. I sounded kind of stupid, because it really could be that. I’d had my shots, but I honestly couldn’t really say when the last one was, and who knew if they were really a hundred percent effective, or if they even worked on Apollyons, and when was my last period? And…
Oh my gods in Olympus…
I sat up, nearly knocking Aiden off the bed. My eyes were wide. “Pregnant? Bun in the oven? A little Alex or Aiden running amuck? Okay. A little you would be so adorable, but preggers? Oh gods, have I told you how much I hate the word ‘preggers?’ Like, is ‘pregnant’ such a long word that you have to shorten it? I feel the same way about ‘hubby.’ Seriously? Hubby and preggers are the stupidest—”
“Alex, whoa.” He chuckled. “Slow down. Take a breath.”
I tried to take a breath, but I couldn’t get it around the word pregnant. It formed a ball of “holy crap” in my throat. “It can’t be that, can it?”
His chest rose, and then he nodded. “It could be, Alex.”
Whoa, I was blown away by the prospect. Pregnant? Me? I wanted to laugh, but if I did, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t stop, and it wouldn’t be the cute kind of laughter. It would be the hysterical, crazy-as-balls kind of laughter.
“That…” I let out a stuttered breath as I glanced down. I was half-tempted to pull up my shirt and start pressing on my stomach. I didn’t, though, because that would cause me to have an absolute nervous breakdown.
“That changes everything.”
I lifted my gaze, meeting Aiden’s. His eyes were a bright silver, and my heart skipped a beat. When they were that color, Aiden was feeling something strong, something good, but I didn’t know what to think. Pregnant with Aiden’s baby? I could not be a mother. Seriously. I barely remembered to brush my own teeth in the morning. Being responsible for a child, especially in the mess that was my life? That kid wouldn’t have a chance. It would end up getting eaten by wild coyotes or something.
One side of Aiden’s lips tipped up. “What are you thinking?”
“What are you thinking?” My heart was pounding.
“I’m thinking…a lot of things, but if this is what the gods are feeling in you, we need to really think about what we’re doing.” He reached over, tugging on my bottoms. “I know this isn’t happening at a good time.”
I did laugh at that. “Yeah, that would be horrifically bad timing.”
“But would it be so bad?” he asked.
The look on his face, the open honesty, and—dear gods—the hint of acceptance startled me. “You would be okay with this?”
Aiden lowered his gaze for a moment and then shifted so he was sitting in front of me. He took my hands in his, and I suddenly realized how serious this was. I was a little slow on the uptake. “This isn’t the right time for us,” he started, threading his fingers through mine. “Not with everything going on, but…but how could I not be okay?”
I was actually speechless. Someone needed to record this moment.
“I love you, Alex. That’s never going to change, and although neither of us is ready for this, I can get ready for this. Both of us can, and we will face this together. I can’t be that bad at being a father. I mean, I basically had to raise Deacon, and he’s still alive.” He laughed softly as a slight flush spread across his cheeks. “But if you are, we really have to think about what we’re doing. I know neither of us can walk away from what we have to do—what you have to do—but we need to make some adjustments.”
I couldn’t even fathom what kind of adjustments we’d need to make. If I was pregnant, could I really go out there and fight? Could I transfer power from Seth? And good gods, what kind of kid would I be popping out? Part half, part pure, and part Apollyon?
This kid could destroy the world.
But Aiden…gods, I wanted to cry. I wished I could get those tears to fall, because I was so lucky to have him. So many guys would be in another state by now.
The tears didn’t fall, but I could move. I scrambled onto my knees, and he knew what I wanted. His arms opened, and I crawled into his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and clinging to him like an octopus.
“You’re perfect,” I said, my face buried in the crook between his neck and shoulder.
“I’m not perfect.” His hand sifted through my hair, resting against the back of my skull. “I just can’t be that upset over the fact that we might be having a baby.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as a sharp pang of unbridled emotion shot through me. Among the hailstorm of fear and confusion, a fine, barely-there sliver of…of happiness filled me like a wisp of smoke. Halfs were products of pures and mortals and not allowed to procreate. Besides that, Sentinels didn’t have kids—not even the pures who chose that kind of duty. They simply didn’t live long enough to raise them. So I had never really even considered the idea of having a child, but this—if this was what this was—would be Aiden’s child, and how could I not want that? Especially, even as unprepared both of us would be for something so major, Aiden would be right there with me. Not out of any sense of duty, but because he loved me and would love our child.
And me? On every day that ended with a Y, I’d probably be the most irresponsible parent known to exist, but I’d love it with every breath I took.
My gods, my brain felt whacked, because I never thought the day would come that I would even think that.
Aiden pressed a kiss against my temple. “We need to see one of the doctors here soon and find out so we’re a hundred percent sure either way, and then…well, we’ll handle this together.”
Oh, wow. Making a quick trip to the infirmary for a pregnancy test? That was going to be so awkward. A thought occurred. “Marcus is going to kill you.”
A deep, rich laugh rumbled up from his chest. “Good gods, you’re right.”
I started to smile, but then reality smacked me upside the head and that little wisp of happiness was extinguished. “I can’t be pregnant, Aiden.”
“Alex—”
“You don’t understand.” I pulled back and slid off his lap, scooting toward the head of the bed. I sighed as I tucked my knees close to my chest. “It’s not like I’m denying the way that male and female bodies work, but we haven’t done that since Ares came, and there’s no way, if I was pregnant, a baby could’ve survived the fight.”
The silver flare dulled a little. “I hadn’t even thought of that. Oh gods,” he said, rubbing his jaw. “How could I not have thought of that? It would be…” He shook his head, jaw locking down.
I didn’t know what to say to that, because the chance that I was pregnant would be so insanely slim. An ache pierced my chest. When his eyes dulled, so did the brimming excitement that had been in them. I hated to take that from him.
Aiden moved so that he was stretched onto his side, then patted the spot beside him. Biting my lip, I wiggled down so I was lying beside him. Neither of us said anything, because I don’t think either of us knew what to say. At some point, Aiden turned off the light beside the bed and then settled back beside me.
Long after I’d believed Aiden had fallen asleep, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and did something that felt incredibly insane.
I placed my hands on my lower belly.
My heart jumped in my chest even though my stomach didn’t feel any different. Could I be pregnant and it—no, not it. It was a baby. It was Aiden’s baby. Could our baby have survived the fight with Ares? Crazier things had happened. And in my life, I could almost expect that the impossible could and would happen. So even though I shot it down, there was a chance. I recognized that. I just didn’t know what to think or do.