My Fairly Dangerous Godmother

By Janette Rallison

Copyright © 2015

Kindle Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

All the characters and events portrayed in this work are fictitious.

Other titles by Janette Rallison

Blue Eyes and Other Teenage Hazards

Just One Wish

Masquerade

My Double Life

A Longtime (and at One Point Illegal) Crush

Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Free Throws

Playing The Field

My Fair Godmother

My Unfair Godmother

All’s Fair in Love, War, and High School

Fame, Glory, and Other Things on my To Do List

It’s a Mall World After All

Revenge of the Cheerleaders

How to Take The Ex Out of Ex-boyfriend

Slayers (under pen name CJ Hill)

Slayers: Friends and Traitors (under pen name CJ Hill)

Erasing Time (under pen name CJ Hill)

Echo in Time (under pen name CJ Hill)

What the Doctor Ordered (under pen name Sierra St. James)

Dear Professor Goldengill,

Here is yet another report of my fairy godmother awesomeness in action: I rock, plain and simple. And, I’d like to add, I appreciate all the extra practice I’ve had using my people skills while tromping around exciting places such as cheap hotel rooms, the Atlantic Ocean, and the borders of the Unseelie Court.

At this point you might be detecting sarcasm in my tone, although I doubt it because I’m convinced no one actually reads these reports. If you did—if anyone at the Fairy Godmother Affairs Office did—you certainly wouldn’t keep teaming me up with the one assistant I specifically asked not to have. That’s right. The FGA gave me Clover T. Bloomsbottle again, even though he already messed up three of my assignments.

In case anyone at the FGA is casually skimming through my report, let me say once again that I don’t ever want to work with Clover T. Bloomsbottle. Ever.

Clover T. Bloomsbottle + Chrysanthemum Everstar = No. Do not do it.

Now that I’ve got that out of my system, I’d like to point out that even with the current rationing of magic, this assignment went extremely well—probably because I kept Clover’s involvement to a minimum. Okay, I admit my client was nearly killed a couple of times, but mortals know their lives can be snuffed out at any moment, so they’re prepared for those sorts of contingencies. And if mortals aren’t prepared . . . well, a few brushes with death are just the thing to perk them up and make them appreciate their simple and frequently dull pleasures.

When I finished helping my client, she was quite perky. Again, if you’re skimming:

Client + Me as her fairy godmother = All sorts of perk and happiness.

Here is my five-page report, complete with side notes showing my mastery of human culture. I so get them. I think this assignment proves beyond a shadow of anybody’s doubt that I’m more than ready to enter Fairy Godmother University.

Sincerely,

Chrysanthemum Everstar

HOW I USED MY HIGHLY HONED AND

TOTALLY ADVANCED-LEVEL FAIRY GODMOTHER SKILLS TO FIX ANOTHER MORTAL’S

SADLY PATHETIC LIFE.

By Chrysanthemum Everstar

Subject: Mercedes “Sadie” Ramirez, age 18

Place: Greenfield, Kentucky

Some girls are born with beauty and grace clutched in their soft newborn hands. Sadie Ramirez wasn’t one of those girls. As a toddler, she did nothing remarkable except bang into furniture and gather a collection of bruises.

Her parents thought her awe-filled brown eyes and smooth black hair were darling, and her older brother Alanzo, if pressed, would concede she was cute. But the world at large took no notice of her.

To the daycare providers who watched her from seven in the morning to seven at night, she was just another child to tend, herd, and supply with graham crackers. While Sadie fell off monkey bar ladders, her parents busied themselves climbing corporate ones.

Through elementary school, Sadie was plain and overlooked except when she did things like get the answers wrong in class. This always mortified her—both being called on and producing a wrong answer. In middle school softball games, she was permanently assigned to the outfield. In volleyball, she stepped aside and let other girls hit the ball. During Sadie’s first couple years of high school, she was tall, gangly, and acne prone. It didn’t help her social life.

Fairy’s side note: Beauty is a harsh task master, but one humans worship anyway. Humans often don’t make sense, which is why other species rarely ask them for advice.

Sadie wanted to fit in at high school, and since she had no athletic skill, she joined the marching band. During the first halftime performance, she dropped her flute and had to grapple for it on the ground before anyone trampled it. This caused a traffic jam and enough confusion that instead of spelling out ‘Go Titans!’ the band stood on the field displaying ‘Got it ons!’ This made them look like they were trying to be cool but didn’t have the grammar skills to pull it off.

During the next game, Sadie wandered too close to the color guard and managed to get clubbed by a twirling flag.

Fairy’s side note: This is the reason marching bands wear those big awkward hats. They double as helmets.

After two halftime fiascos, Sadie quit band and joined choir. The choir members stood and sang, which rarely produced chances for accident. Unless you were prone to tripping, and then you might step on your performance gown during the winter festival concert and cause a domino-like avalanche in the soprano section. Which Sadie did.

All of Sadie’s awkwardness might not have been so bad if she had friends to console her, or at least help her laugh it off, but Sadie’s luck with friends was similar to her luck with blunt objects.

Fairy’s side note: Luck is often eerily consistent.

Sadie’s best friends had the habit of moving to distant cities. At school she was left with the sort of friends who were friends if no one better happened to be around.

Nature isn’t always as unkind as she first appears, and during Sadie’s sophomore year, she filled out so she looked graceful and willowy, even if she wasn’t. Her face cleared and she learned how to do her hair and apply makeup. In short, she waddled out of her ugly-duckling years and spread swan-like wings.

Fairy’s side note: If Sadie had been a bird instead of a teenage girl, this story would have a happy ending right now. Unfortunately, Sadie was not only a teenage girl, but she lived in a town where girls had a pecking order harsher than any flock of birds. When someone was branded “unpopular,” the mark clung there more stubbornly than a tattoo. Trying to shed the label annoyed the popular set. Once they’d decided where a person belonged, they didn’t like to be contradicted. It made them look bad.

Sadie would have escaped notice from the popular girls if her singing voice had been as uninspiring as the rest of her talents. Her voice was a gift, though—a piece of magic. She made notes glide and hover, then land as softly as snowfall.